Christmas cards

Dear London drivers,


You really annoy me. If you weren't in London clogging up the roads, then pedestrians would have healthier lungs and also would not get run over as often. You are incessantly in a rush, and therefore do not let pedestrians cross the road. Especially, when London's public transport system is so good. I complain of you very often but somehow that is not enough. Why do you need a car? Is it just to show that you have money, and can afford to pay the congestion charge?


No love for any of you this Christmas, from an angry pedestrian


**


Dear sugar,


I love you lots as you are in a lot of my major food groups. However, recently having given you up, I now see that it is very addictive, and is one of the reasons why all those Americans are fat. You should cost more, so that manufacturers would not put you in as many foods. You are supporting the obesity epidemic, which is one of my bugbears as you may know. Though, we do have a love/hate relationship, so maybe if you come to me this Christmas in the form of a Caffe Concerto cake, I may not be so mad.


Happy Christmas: please don't make too many people fat this Christmas season, or that one step closer to diabetes.


Love, a person who has a love/hate relationship with sugar


**


Dear Google,


Why are you taking over lots of companies, like blogger and youtube? And now there is Google chrome? I am very confused. Please stop. Go and have a holiday or something. And after a few years, you can buy Wikipedia; I'd be OK with that. Happy Christmas.


Love, a confused person whose blogger is supported by a google account


**


Dear Sainsbury's,


I recently wrote you a letter, telling you how annoyed I was upon finding that non sugary cereal was way more expensive that its sugary counterparts. I was told that I would get a response within 2 working days, and a week later, I got a very generic reply. I am very tempted to reply, and say please write something that you did not copy and paste from the "let's appease the customers" manual. However, you are my local supermarket, and those nectar points can buy things. Please stop putting sugar in everything; you are also supporting the obesity epidemic.


Happy winter season, from a loyal customer who recycles her bags


**


Dear lady who tries to preach the word of God on the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street,


Please stop. No one is listening. Even though I am an atheist, I feel bad for you because no one listens; they just walk past. If people do need to turn to religion, I think they won't do it randomly whilst shopping on Oxford Street. Just a thought. You can instead turn your efforts towards making people walk faster on Oxford Street, as they annoy me. You can shout at them, and they will move. Thankyou. Happy Christmas, love someone who walks quickly on the street and hates it when others trudge along


**


Any suggestions? xx