Qui définit le moment où j'écris?

Studying history of medicine allows us to understand how we got to where we are now in terms of medical care, and to understand past lessons.  For me, it is about balancing my beliefs and my practice.  When I lived at home, I used to take what medicines my parents told me to.  We had lots of herbal remedies, based on roots of plants and trees, and flowers, and seeds and beans, and this ointment that I swear by.  My parents - I don't know if it applies to Eastern medical tradition - believe that disease is caued by an imbalance of something.  I am reluctant to say what the "something" is, as I know it's not the four humours.  It's "heat" for want of a better word: I know that in Chinese, there must be thousands of words that have no literal translations, and this is one of them.


I use cupping, which is not the thing with candles inside, it's based on pressure.  I am not entirely sure if it works, but I don't like taking medications.  I have it if I know that my pain won't be alleviated in a few hours.  The way it works is very interesting to me, and I know that whilst it may not work, it gives me peace of mind that I am doing something, and for my mother, who seems to worry about my health a lot more than I do.  Which is saying something.  I do not use it often.  It feels nice in a weird way, and it helps me to understand that a lot of the time, pain is psychosomatic.  By my belief that having done SOMETHING in order to make pain go away, it does go away.


But I am finding it hard to reconcile what I have known in the past and what I am learning today.


I take a lot of traditional medicines and drink herbal drinks and so on, because ultimately, I believe that there is no need for synthetic medicine.  There are things in Nature whose uses have been ignored, in favour of a longer shelf life etc.  I am not ashamed of doing so and believing it.


I don't particularly like taking medicine, as I know that we're not meant to.  I only take paracetamol very very rarely.  When I have period pain, I try not to take it, even though I know it provides instant relief.  And it can really hurt and last for up to a day.  I know that we are meant to be stronger than we think: people existed without medicines for years and years and years.  The advent of the pharmaceutical industry is making us soft.  I don't want to harm my body anymore than necessary.


And yet, I find it hard to explain my health beliefs to people.  I feel that people I have told in the past do not listen with an open and/or receptive mind, and they can't understand why I believe it.  Or maybe it is just my ineloquence.  I know they judge me for using "alternative medicine", and think I'm a bit strange to use such methods, and to use such ointments and so on, when for me, western medicine is the alternative.  I don't feel as though I have come across anyone who has listened to me with an actively unjudging mind, boyfriend included.  But I understand that it is because people do not like what is different.  Change has to come gradually, and it has to have some sort of evidence for it to be accepted.


I think this is partly why I am so reluctant to seek medical help.  I don't feel as though I am a hypochondriac.  I know what real pain feels like, I don't have to pretend it is there.  Because I don't like interventional medicine, I actively avoid acting in a way that makes it obvious that anything is wrong.  I know P will read this one day and think "wtf is she talking about?" because I talk about my symptoms with him a lot, but even though I worry about my frequent hurting myself, my first thought is not "let's go seek medical help".  I remember when P took me to A&E, and I commented on the way that I didn't want to inconvenience the doctors and he was quick to reply that that was what they were they for.