Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
two can keep a secret if
In reference to my twitter, I locked it for a while, so I had time to go through it and remove tweets pertaining to my friends / personal information, and to avoid any drama. Now satisfied that I won't post anything with anything that would easily identify my movements / where I go / what I do etc. Still unsure about protecting the tweets though (that's what it is called)... I am a bit mercurial about this point. I need direction.
I feel that being at university, it sort of prolongs your state of not grasping the full concept of what it means to be an adult. I have mentioned before that I see adult life being one where you pay taxes, and have a pension and are making serious decisions about the future. I feel like that phase of adulthood is coming upon me soon, and so it's lead to me bringing up the topic of the future with people, and where they see their lives going, including where they want to live, how many children they want, what they want to do in the future. My stance is that it is nice to daydream about things that have not happened, and to be prepared. It won't do to have a life in front of you that you have not really thought about. But... those decisions seem so big and so far away, and recently, some friends and I have been discussing it. Mentioning no names, there is someone who doesn't want her future husband to have his own bank account, and she wants a pre-nup saying she will get a major portion of his future earnings. I relayed this to my boyfriend, who said she will never get anyone to marry her if that is what she truly believes.
Surely it makes financial sense to spread your assets and keep your own bank accounts, but when marriage happens or if a very steady state of relationship is assured and marriage is not necessary, you could set up a joint account, but also keep some of your monetary assets elsewhere. Her thinking makes no sense.
Over the past few months, I have encouraged people to 'get married soon', in a half jokey half serious but that kind of thing is a serious commitment. I could never imagine getting married more than once - although this is not a certainty in this day and age - so I want to be sure before I do get married, and though I encourage people to think about marriage in their future, I want them to be sure, and also to be happy with whoever they marry. Starter marriages are becoming more and more common, because that ideal of the happy life with a happy family is being pushed on us more and more by the media. I feel like films depict a false representation of what it is like, and people rush into what they think is their ideal future, without really thinking about the consequences.
A little bit glad it's been getting sunnier; spring is truly here when you really cannot predict the weather. I am always one of those people that goes out dressed unprepared for the weather, such that I am too cold.. and then I have the radiator on full all the time in my flat and so feel a bit too hot. Have been having bad headaches recently, aggravated by the light :/ I've been having bad headaches and bad dreams every day for about a week now.. not so fun. I think that it might be because my mind is too active in the day, and I probably do not eat properly, particularly when my boyfriend goes away.
Been having a very productive week - been looking for a new skincare routine for quite a while: I keep adding to it, and seeing how things go, and I stay with the same brands. Saw this thing in one of those free London magazines a few months ago about the best things for different requirements of skin care, so been doing my research and finally got some things. I still amn't sure whether it's weird that I buy anti-ageing things: I have been doing so for about 3.5 years; whether or not it has made any difference is unknown. I had a consult a while back, and things seem to be going alright? I don't look too old yet!
Finished O&G this week... it's been one of the best clinical attachments, where you bring new life into the world and are fully involved in every step of the patient's care. I have enjoyed it so much, but I am glad for a break now. The hours were not amazing, staying awake for 30+ hours three times in 10 days makes you feel rubbish, it turns out. I have no idea what I was existing on, as my diet suffered during that 10 day period so badly. Your body only has a limited supply of glucose and glycogen, right? So I must have been using up my fat, and therefore losing weight.
Was at a friend's house: he has a balcony and it's nice to sit out there when it's sunny and when the sun is just setting. We always have interesting conversations: I like to converse with people who are open to talking about topics I talk about. I can talk politics, economics and current affairs to a limited extent, but I prefer not to air my politico-economic opinions because it just gets into murky waters where people judge you for believing a certain thing. I like to have my confidante (is that even a word?) Sometimes it helps me to process things by talking out loud about them (with the ever recurring phrase "d'you know what I mean?") or writing about them.
Feel like I haven't blogged for quite a while, nothing about my life anyway. There has been music and fashion and pictures but nothing about how I have been. I mostly blog when I feel sick or when I am tired and can't really concentrate on study, and then save the posts so sometimes you see a load of posts posted regularly. Guess I've been a little down recently, tired and whatnot. I always put on Just Dance by Lady Gaga - it never fails to get me dancing. I love it! ♥
Excited about the new Gossip Girl episodes.. only 5 left in this season. And there's some way I can download BBC iplayer things without needing to watch it via bbc... watch this space. If it works, I will write about it! Been in a very talky mood... my boyfriend says that it's because I learned to talk early, so that I could get my opinion across. And ask for cake...
Been listening to The Pierces recently; they have a very haunting and old-school style to their music which I can't quite put my finger on. They sing about quite varying things but very well.... Sort of folksy-rock.
Anyway. Enough rambling!
Carol ♥
xx
I feel that being at university, it sort of prolongs your state of not grasping the full concept of what it means to be an adult. I have mentioned before that I see adult life being one where you pay taxes, and have a pension and are making serious decisions about the future. I feel like that phase of adulthood is coming upon me soon, and so it's lead to me bringing up the topic of the future with people, and where they see their lives going, including where they want to live, how many children they want, what they want to do in the future. My stance is that it is nice to daydream about things that have not happened, and to be prepared. It won't do to have a life in front of you that you have not really thought about. But... those decisions seem so big and so far away, and recently, some friends and I have been discussing it. Mentioning no names, there is someone who doesn't want her future husband to have his own bank account, and she wants a pre-nup saying she will get a major portion of his future earnings. I relayed this to my boyfriend, who said she will never get anyone to marry her if that is what she truly believes.
Surely it makes financial sense to spread your assets and keep your own bank accounts, but when marriage happens or if a very steady state of relationship is assured and marriage is not necessary, you could set up a joint account, but also keep some of your monetary assets elsewhere. Her thinking makes no sense.
Over the past few months, I have encouraged people to 'get married soon', in a half jokey half serious but that kind of thing is a serious commitment. I could never imagine getting married more than once - although this is not a certainty in this day and age - so I want to be sure before I do get married, and though I encourage people to think about marriage in their future, I want them to be sure, and also to be happy with whoever they marry. Starter marriages are becoming more and more common, because that ideal of the happy life with a happy family is being pushed on us more and more by the media. I feel like films depict a false representation of what it is like, and people rush into what they think is their ideal future, without really thinking about the consequences.
A little bit glad it's been getting sunnier; spring is truly here when you really cannot predict the weather. I am always one of those people that goes out dressed unprepared for the weather, such that I am too cold.. and then I have the radiator on full all the time in my flat and so feel a bit too hot. Have been having bad headaches recently, aggravated by the light :/ I've been having bad headaches and bad dreams every day for about a week now.. not so fun. I think that it might be because my mind is too active in the day, and I probably do not eat properly, particularly when my boyfriend goes away.
Been having a very productive week - been looking for a new skincare routine for quite a while: I keep adding to it, and seeing how things go, and I stay with the same brands. Saw this thing in one of those free London magazines a few months ago about the best things for different requirements of skin care, so been doing my research and finally got some things. I still amn't sure whether it's weird that I buy anti-ageing things: I have been doing so for about 3.5 years; whether or not it has made any difference is unknown. I had a consult a while back, and things seem to be going alright? I don't look too old yet!
Finished O&G this week... it's been one of the best clinical attachments, where you bring new life into the world and are fully involved in every step of the patient's care. I have enjoyed it so much, but I am glad for a break now. The hours were not amazing, staying awake for 30+ hours three times in 10 days makes you feel rubbish, it turns out. I have no idea what I was existing on, as my diet suffered during that 10 day period so badly. Your body only has a limited supply of glucose and glycogen, right? So I must have been using up my fat, and therefore losing weight.
Was at a friend's house: he has a balcony and it's nice to sit out there when it's sunny and when the sun is just setting. We always have interesting conversations: I like to converse with people who are open to talking about topics I talk about. I can talk politics, economics and current affairs to a limited extent, but I prefer not to air my politico-economic opinions because it just gets into murky waters where people judge you for believing a certain thing. I like to have my confidante (is that even a word?) Sometimes it helps me to process things by talking out loud about them (with the ever recurring phrase "d'you know what I mean?") or writing about them.
Feel like I haven't blogged for quite a while, nothing about my life anyway. There has been music and fashion and pictures but nothing about how I have been. I mostly blog when I feel sick or when I am tired and can't really concentrate on study, and then save the posts so sometimes you see a load of posts posted regularly. Guess I've been a little down recently, tired and whatnot. I always put on Just Dance by Lady Gaga - it never fails to get me dancing. I love it! ♥
Excited about the new Gossip Girl episodes.. only 5 left in this season. And there's some way I can download BBC iplayer things without needing to watch it via bbc... watch this space. If it works, I will write about it! Been in a very talky mood... my boyfriend says that it's because I learned to talk early, so that I could get my opinion across. And ask for cake...
Been listening to The Pierces recently; they have a very haunting and old-school style to their music which I can't quite put my finger on. They sing about quite varying things but very well.... Sort of folksy-rock.
Anyway. Enough rambling!
Carol ♥
xx
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| isn't this a pretty advert? (from google images) |
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Day 7 : 30 day blog challenge
Day 7 – Your dream wedding
One day I will get married.
I have had vague ideas of what my wedding would be like... from the very extravagant to the very simple.. so I am guessing in reality, it will be somewhere in between. Sometimes I have thoughts about who to invite, and what sort of food there will be.. what the location will be..... But who knows?
One thing I am certain about is that I want a really pretty dress :-D Every once in a while, I peruse the Vera Wang wedding dress website, to check out the new collections and look through the past collections.
 |
| from the Vera Wang website / Spring 2011 Collection |
Sometimes, I feel like pretending I am going to get married, just so I can go to a wedding dress shop and try on their gowns....
Ahh... decisions, decisions. All I do know is that I want it to be lovely, and to be filled with lots of happy memories, and to have everyone I love around me.
Carol
xx
Monday, November 15, 2010
this video will change your life a tiny bit
There are moments in life when we feel a connection so deep words can hardly describe it. But how do we know that it's real? This is the story of a boy who meets a girl and falls in love.
http://jubileeproject.org/
http://jubileeproject.org/
Friday, November 5, 2010
it goes on and on and on....
Last Tuesday, I finished my Psychiatry rotation (apart from an ethics presentation and a revision session). I think you can tell by the number of posts I have mentioned it in, that I have enjoyed this rotation a lot, and it has affected me a lot, both positively and negatively.
I will miss it a lot: I brought one of the patients I had gotten close to some chocolate, and wished her well in the future. I always felt that in Psychiatry, it can get hard to maintain a proper doctor patient relationship, because the patient seems to let you into their life a little more, more than a normal other speciality doctor patient relationship. I guess Psychiatry had a very profound effect on me; I hadn't really had any experience in this speciality before, and it is something I would like to explore in the future. It seems to be a sort of 'dumping ground' for the things that other specialities in medicine do not want, like dementia or learning disability. But I feel as though Psychiatry has taken them up well, with good team working and the like.
Went out with some friends towards the end of the week; it was good. Sometimes I just get this feeling where I really want to go and dance, so this was very well timed. I thought I wouldn't have heard of a lot of the songs, which was true, but equally, I also knew quite a few too!
At the end of the week, I went to the North, to my boyfriend's brother's wedding. It was held in the place where I had my "debs" (as it is known in Ireland) so it was lovely to see that everything was still the same, and that I could recognise all the places. On the Friday, we got in quite late, and then went for dinner. The wedding was on the Saturday afternoon, so I drank all the complimentary tea for lunch to stave off hunger (it failed) and had a hot bath, then got ready :) The actual ceremony part was very short - I suppose I just had preconceptions from seeing them on TV or whatever that the ceremony would be quite long. Maybe it was because it wasn't very religious. It was a little nerve wracking to meet the majority of both sides of P's family, and had trouble remembering everyone's names. Yes, there were that many of them. It was such a good first wedding. Now here's to the next ones!... yes, you reading there... please get married soon and invite me!
So this week has been my 'consolidation week' which I used to, er, consolidate... This week has been one huge blur, and now it is Friday (at time of writing), All the days have meshed into one, where I have slept, studied, eaten at the wrong times and been rained on a lot. I finally opened my graduation present - it was a little artificial as I knew what it was already and there wasn't anything I wanted. (although, there is now).
I think my conception of present receiving / buying is a little unconventional to other people's. I don't think that Christmas represents the buying of presents, and now I am legally recognised by the state as an adult, I don't feel I have a right to ask for Christmas presents from my parents. So Christmas doesn't mean buying presents for my family (sorry family). Surely, the whole religious concept behind Christmas is to celebrate the birth of an important religious figure. I know it is celebrated a bit early, and the timing is a little bit off and also stolen, but the idea behind it makes sense. It seems okay for a religion to want to celebrate what they think is the birthday of someone important to that religion. So buying a present.. that does not really represent a birth does it. A present does not have a birthday itself, so it doesn't make sense.
But I have no qualms about buying presents at random times. Sometimes it is just good to treat yourself after a long spell of very hard work. A reward system, if you will. So whilst the things I want to buy for myself may coincide with the time that others do Christmas shopping, I am not buying myself something for Christmas. Does that make sense?
I find present buying a very difficult affair generally anyway, because I never know what to get them. I haven't gotten P a present for a very long time; we called a gift amnesty so we don't get things for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Christmas, graduation, passing of PhD's etc.
But I may heavily hint at the Lanvin x H&M collection; I do this quite a lot but a lot of the things I want, I just have a passing want of. I want them but then time passes and I feel that the amount I want them reduces significantly so that I don't want them anymore. But you know, a girl can always do with more dresses. And Lanvin designs great clothes :)
I was on the bus the other day, and it just happens to go past a football stadium (sometimes). There was a Champion's League match on, and half the road was blocked off. No one looked happy, and it got a bit rowdy and ambulances were involved. I never really understood the emotional investment that people put into football. You can buy the clothes, the merchandise, the tickets, the books, you can go to all the matches but still, the players will not know who you are, they will not acknowledge your spending (well, they might in the fact that they like the fact they go home in top of the range cars).. they will never say thankyou to you... There is something unique to football, unlike any other sport, that reduces people's mentality in a way. People support teams that belong to cities or towns they have never been to, or were not born to.
I can understand that people might want to support the team of the place where they were born. You know, home loyalty and all that. But a lot of people I know support the most popular teams. Is that just because they know they will win, so they can share somehow in that glory? Or is it because they genuinely believe they are very good? I have asked a few of my friends about that, but maybe they are too proud and their support is so long established that they won't like to admit that 'their' team has done badly.
(That's another thing. I can never imagine being so invested in something such that I would refer to it as though it were mine, e.g. "we played badly today", when in fact, "we" means "the players I do not know in real life")
I can also accept that people may be brought up supporting the same team as their parents / family. A lot of people are introduced to football in this way. But similar to religion, where people are brought up (generally) in the religion of their parents. But you grow up and you form your own opinions and then you can choose whether or not to keep being a member of that religion. So if your parents bring you up supporting one football team, does that mean you need to keep supporting them?
It is one of those things I feel I will never understand.
This song was playing a few times when I went out last week. I had heard it before, and realised I did know it.
This is a cover version of the song, which I quite like. This song in general makes me want to get up and dance :D
Hope you are all well!!!!
Carol xxx
Went out with some friends towards the end of the week; it was good. Sometimes I just get this feeling where I really want to go and dance, so this was very well timed. I thought I wouldn't have heard of a lot of the songs, which was true, but equally, I also knew quite a few too!
At the end of the week, I went to the North, to my boyfriend's brother's wedding. It was held in the place where I had my "debs" (as it is known in Ireland) so it was lovely to see that everything was still the same, and that I could recognise all the places. On the Friday, we got in quite late, and then went for dinner. The wedding was on the Saturday afternoon, so I drank all the complimentary tea for lunch to stave off hunger (it failed) and had a hot bath, then got ready :) The actual ceremony part was very short - I suppose I just had preconceptions from seeing them on TV or whatever that the ceremony would be quite long. Maybe it was because it wasn't very religious. It was a little nerve wracking to meet the majority of both sides of P's family, and had trouble remembering everyone's names. Yes, there were that many of them. It was such a good first wedding. Now here's to the next ones!... yes, you reading there... please get married soon and invite me!
So this week has been my 'consolidation week' which I used to, er, consolidate... This week has been one huge blur, and now it is Friday (at time of writing), All the days have meshed into one, where I have slept, studied, eaten at the wrong times and been rained on a lot. I finally opened my graduation present - it was a little artificial as I knew what it was already and there wasn't anything I wanted. (although, there is now).
I think my conception of present receiving / buying is a little unconventional to other people's. I don't think that Christmas represents the buying of presents, and now I am legally recognised by the state as an adult, I don't feel I have a right to ask for Christmas presents from my parents. So Christmas doesn't mean buying presents for my family (sorry family). Surely, the whole religious concept behind Christmas is to celebrate the birth of an important religious figure. I know it is celebrated a bit early, and the timing is a little bit off and also stolen, but the idea behind it makes sense. It seems okay for a religion to want to celebrate what they think is the birthday of someone important to that religion. So buying a present.. that does not really represent a birth does it. A present does not have a birthday itself, so it doesn't make sense.
But I have no qualms about buying presents at random times. Sometimes it is just good to treat yourself after a long spell of very hard work. A reward system, if you will. So whilst the things I want to buy for myself may coincide with the time that others do Christmas shopping, I am not buying myself something for Christmas. Does that make sense?
I find present buying a very difficult affair generally anyway, because I never know what to get them. I haven't gotten P a present for a very long time; we called a gift amnesty so we don't get things for birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, Christmas, graduation, passing of PhD's etc.
But I may heavily hint at the Lanvin x H&M collection; I do this quite a lot but a lot of the things I want, I just have a passing want of. I want them but then time passes and I feel that the amount I want them reduces significantly so that I don't want them anymore. But you know, a girl can always do with more dresses. And Lanvin designs great clothes :)
I was on the bus the other day, and it just happens to go past a football stadium (sometimes). There was a Champion's League match on, and half the road was blocked off. No one looked happy, and it got a bit rowdy and ambulances were involved. I never really understood the emotional investment that people put into football. You can buy the clothes, the merchandise, the tickets, the books, you can go to all the matches but still, the players will not know who you are, they will not acknowledge your spending (well, they might in the fact that they like the fact they go home in top of the range cars).. they will never say thankyou to you... There is something unique to football, unlike any other sport, that reduces people's mentality in a way. People support teams that belong to cities or towns they have never been to, or were not born to.
I can understand that people might want to support the team of the place where they were born. You know, home loyalty and all that. But a lot of people I know support the most popular teams. Is that just because they know they will win, so they can share somehow in that glory? Or is it because they genuinely believe they are very good? I have asked a few of my friends about that, but maybe they are too proud and their support is so long established that they won't like to admit that 'their' team has done badly.
(That's another thing. I can never imagine being so invested in something such that I would refer to it as though it were mine, e.g. "we played badly today", when in fact, "we" means "the players I do not know in real life")
I can also accept that people may be brought up supporting the same team as their parents / family. A lot of people are introduced to football in this way. But similar to religion, where people are brought up (generally) in the religion of their parents. But you grow up and you form your own opinions and then you can choose whether or not to keep being a member of that religion. So if your parents bring you up supporting one football team, does that mean you need to keep supporting them?
It is one of those things I feel I will never understand.
This song was playing a few times when I went out last week. I had heard it before, and realised I did know it.
This is a cover version of the song, which I quite like. This song in general makes me want to get up and dance :D
Hope you are all well!!!!
Carol xxx
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
what's the use in you denying that what you have is wrong
I love having conversations with a group of people which over arch. Sometimes I flit between conversations with the group of people I am with, and have a conversation with one person whilst the rest are having a conversation about something which I I guess people might find it annoying, but it's just part of who I am. I guess I have too many thoughts to share. (?)
There's a dress up day at the end of the course, so we were talking about costumes. I spent about 5 minutes crying with laughter at a "peanut" idea.. literally crying and wiping away tears... I must just be very easily amused. I've not dressed up for ages... I still have my Sailor Mars costume hanging in my wardrobe... the basic dress part is similar to what Japanese girls wear to school. I'd fully wear mine if it had a longer skirt and didn't look so anime - cartoon-like.
I also got a wedding IOU from R. I don't know why I want to go to weddings so much. I guess because it's a public declaration of love, and I've never been to one before. They always seem a bit exciting to me, from what I have seen on TV and in films and so on, with everyone dressing up smart. I love a good excuse to dress up. Not that I can do it, but hey. I also want to see all my close friends happily married, and in love. No one I've known has ever gotten married, or I've had other commitments when I've been invited. (All 1 time but I was the +1). I just spoke to P via facebook chat (a rarity) and made him promise to send me an invite to his wedding. His reply was that there was a very high chance that I would have a starring role. But he promised to send me an invite nonetheless. :-D
xoxo
Sunday, July 11, 2010
you can be my cind-er-el-la
Had a lovely weekend =) a good ending to the first week of pathology.. which was very intense. On Friday, I went over to A's house, where we had lots of fun chat and cake on her balcony. Saturday, I was a good domestic person, and hand washed loads of my clothes and had a nap because part of my conjunctiva was red :( Sometimes I wish my family lived in London, so I wouldn't have to do things like washing my own clothes and cooking my own food. It's all part of the experience though, moving out, being independent and the like. And I have no boy to rely upon at the moment.. I think I'm doing fine! I finished SATC1 - it makes me cringe sometimes, with the cheesy relationships but it's quite good for candy TV.
I don't think I've ever properly dated. Y'know, school boy/girl dates, they don't seem real to me. But both boys I've dated.. we sort of didn't have the whole courtship experience. Particularly with my boy, we didn't "see" each other, we knew we were going out and exclusive straight away. I don't think I miss the courting thing though - it's not really my thing, and I'd probably not be very good at it. I mean, we go on dates sometimes... we decide we're going out to eat someplace and we meet there and sometimes we dress up all smartly. But there's no sort of intermediate phase, where you're not sure if you're seeing someone.
Today, I had a very successful shopping trip, for once. I hate shopping sometimes :/ I looove Whole Body, at the Whole Foods Market - it's one of the best shops ever. Bought loads of beauty stuff. Then walked to Speakers Corner in Hyde Park with R - I'd never really been along the route that we took - a lot of Hyde Park on the Northern side seems to be left to grow to its own devices - it's lovely. Then we met up with some friends, H, A, A, M.. and some other people. Was good to see people, after not seeing them for a while - A was dressed very summery. Wish I dressed that nicely - kept getting grassy bits everywhere :( Then everyone left pretty quickly, or relatively, so R and I stayed to lie in the park and talk. I like having conversations with R - they are always very thought provoking. (I want a wedding invite IOU!) You know, not just a "what's going on in my life" conversation.. one that has meaning.
Started reading "Inconceivable" by Ben Elton - pretty much finished my pile of books from last September, except The Extended Phenotype, but I've had my fill of Dawkins for a while. It's written in diary form, which is very thought provoking for me, as I keep this blog and I used to write a diary.
Also, J, good luck with your FO internship :D
xoxo
I don't think I've ever properly dated. Y'know, school boy/girl dates, they don't seem real to me. But both boys I've dated.. we sort of didn't have the whole courtship experience. Particularly with my boy, we didn't "see" each other, we knew we were going out and exclusive straight away. I don't think I miss the courting thing though - it's not really my thing, and I'd probably not be very good at it. I mean, we go on dates sometimes... we decide we're going out to eat someplace and we meet there and sometimes we dress up all smartly. But there's no sort of intermediate phase, where you're not sure if you're seeing someone.
Today, I had a very successful shopping trip, for once. I hate shopping sometimes :/ I looove Whole Body, at the Whole Foods Market - it's one of the best shops ever. Bought loads of beauty stuff. Then walked to Speakers Corner in Hyde Park with R - I'd never really been along the route that we took - a lot of Hyde Park on the Northern side seems to be left to grow to its own devices - it's lovely. Then we met up with some friends, H, A, A, M.. and some other people. Was good to see people, after not seeing them for a while - A was dressed very summery. Wish I dressed that nicely - kept getting grassy bits everywhere :( Then everyone left pretty quickly, or relatively, so R and I stayed to lie in the park and talk. I like having conversations with R - they are always very thought provoking. (I want a wedding invite IOU!) You know, not just a "what's going on in my life" conversation.. one that has meaning.
Started reading "Inconceivable" by Ben Elton - pretty much finished my pile of books from last September, except The Extended Phenotype, but I've had my fill of Dawkins for a while. It's written in diary form, which is very thought provoking for me, as I keep this blog and I used to write a diary.
Also, J, good luck with your FO internship :D
xoxo
Friday, May 14, 2010
now it seems to me that you know just what to say
 |
| in that lonely time, you told me to be stronger (dA: curioso) |
So I'm up doing some stuff at the moment, various bits and pieces, so it occurred to me that I hadn't written here for ages. Thank you to all those people who keep checking back constantly to see if there's a new post! I just felt that after posting every day in April, I'd lost my blogging ability. It got hard for a while trying to decide what to blog about... seriously, my life is not that exciting, or interesting. So I thought I'd take a break, pursue other writing interests and also use that time to focus on my uni work. But it's late, I'm not working right now, I thought I'd take a few minutes to write here!
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
but words are only words,
can you show me something else?
can you swear to me that you'll always be this way,
show me how you feel, more than ever
Saturday, March 13, 2010
thanks for the memories...
People have often said that I remember lots of things... as in, memory wise. I don't do it consciously, but I know I connect memories with things and people, songs and places, books and objects. I don't remember when that moment is when you and someone become friends... it sort of happened by osmosis for me a lot of the times. But if you ask me, I would probably remember when we first met. So these are my memories of my best friends (university), and my favorite pictures of me with them.
I would say that my very best friend is the boy I am going out with: in my first year at university, I found it very hard to keep in touch with a lot of people I had met, but we always stayed in touch and had such fun conversations when we did talk. We probably only spoke about 10-20 times over the whole year, and yet I always considered him one of my best friends. The first time I met P was in the common room, in halls. It was a Thursday, during Freshers week, and there were cocktails being made up. That was when I first discovered Blue Curacao: I loooove it. One of my most favourite memories of P is being in the Brook Green Hotel, where one of the staff (from abroad someplace) asked if he was on a diet, and I said yes, he doesn't eat wheat, but she was actually saying "date".
My best female friend is I, because I love her lots. She has been very supportive and we have a similar work ethic, and similar tastes in music and books. I don't remember the day when we met though, although I know it was very very early on in first year. She was part of the so-called "commuters club", people who lived at home and had a long way to travel to get into uni, and so was one of the first ones there. We have always been friends, even though I didn't talk to her that much early on in first year, and third year made it difficult to see people. One of the best memories I have of I is pretty much our second year :)
My best guy friends I all met in first year. We used to have tutorials for PBL and PCC and the other thing, and I had a PBL session in the library, although I didn't know where the room was. It was my first session and I was there a little early so I went to the concourse to see if there was anyone I could ask. A was there, listening to some music very loud, (Buddha Bar) and he told me he had PCC. A has been a very good friend to me, and whilst I might complain about certain aspects of his personality, (haha) I know he is a good person and that he would do anything for people he cares for. Hm... a memory. One of my most favourite memories of A was Rag Week in first year, when we did Circle Line :)
There was a CD of notes going around first year, probably due to me, as I went to a social once, and someone gave me a CD of notes for the first two years. I was in a lecture, and I was going to give the CD to someone to copy, but she had a tutorial to go to. M then said he would copy it, as he had free time after the lecture with nothing scheduled for an hour or something. Again, M has been a very good friend to me, particularly during the end of first year, and I hope I have been as understanding and patient when he was going through emotional troubles. My favorite memory of M... his online affair. :D Totally hilarious.
In the summer term of first year, about a month before exams, we had this random Respiratory Science lecture, about respiratory alkalosis/acidosis and its metabolic equivalents. We then had this problem sheet, so a group of us went to a tutorial room to work it out. The first time I met R, we argued over metabolic acidosis/respiratory acidosis +/- compensation, because we each thought we were right, although I think we both got it wrong in the end. I wasn't ever close to R in first or second year much. We were only friends in that we had mutual friends, and I didn't think we were close enough for me to give him a Christmas present in 2nd year (the only time I've done it) (sorry R!) I looked at my dream tag, and he seems to have featured in several.. because we talk a lot and I consider him to be one of my best friends now. He's very intelligent. My favourite memory of R.... Probably gossip sinking/sharing at the corner after Podmedics/MedEd :)
I first met A in third year, outside a lecture theatre in H, which has since been knocked down. We had a feedback lecture, and she was there waiting outside, as the door was locked. I didn't really speak to her very much at all, and it's only been during Repro that we've become good friends. I really like her: she is incredibly reliable and patient and can hold her own. I really admire her :) The best memory I have of A was the last day of term before Christmas (2009) when we were in the lecture theatre at lunch, (there were a few of us) chatting and laughing and trying to watch movie trailers on the computer.
And my last best friend. I first met D... I don't actually know... first year. We used to talk on MSN, because I emailed about 100 people asking them if they wanted the CD notes, and he replied, and we talked on MSN. I consider D one of my very good friends, even though our friendship is on pause a lot of the time, due to various schedule conflicts, but it's still there, just the same as it ever was. And my favourite memory... "say owt mancunian-like?!"
I would say that my very best friend is the boy I am going out with: in my first year at university, I found it very hard to keep in touch with a lot of people I had met, but we always stayed in touch and had such fun conversations when we did talk. We probably only spoke about 10-20 times over the whole year, and yet I always considered him one of my best friends. The first time I met P was in the common room, in halls. It was a Thursday, during Freshers week, and there were cocktails being made up. That was when I first discovered Blue Curacao: I loooove it. One of my most favourite memories of P is being in the Brook Green Hotel, where one of the staff (from abroad someplace) asked if he was on a diet, and I said yes, he doesn't eat wheat, but she was actually saying "date".
L: Captain Picard & Sailor Mars.... R: at the Royal Albert Hall
My best female friend is I, because I love her lots. She has been very supportive and we have a similar work ethic, and similar tastes in music and books. I don't remember the day when we met though, although I know it was very very early on in first year. She was part of the so-called "commuters club", people who lived at home and had a long way to travel to get into uni, and so was one of the first ones there. We have always been friends, even though I didn't talk to her that much early on in first year, and third year made it difficult to see people. One of the best memories I have of I is pretty much our second year :)
Pizza Express: Fulham Broadway. She's on the right
My best guy friends I all met in first year. We used to have tutorials for PBL and PCC and the other thing, and I had a PBL session in the library, although I didn't know where the room was. It was my first session and I was there a little early so I went to the concourse to see if there was anyone I could ask. A was there, listening to some music very loud, (Buddha Bar) and he told me he had PCC. A has been a very good friend to me, and whilst I might complain about certain aspects of his personality, (haha) I know he is a good person and that he would do anything for people he cares for. Hm... a memory. One of my most favourite memories of A was Rag Week in first year, when we did Circle Line :)
Sofra, Covent Garden, 2008
There was a CD of notes going around first year, probably due to me, as I went to a social once, and someone gave me a CD of notes for the first two years. I was in a lecture, and I was going to give the CD to someone to copy, but she had a tutorial to go to. M then said he would copy it, as he had free time after the lecture with nothing scheduled for an hour or something. Again, M has been a very good friend to me, particularly during the end of first year, and I hope I have been as understanding and patient when he was going through emotional troubles. My favorite memory of M... his online affair. :D Totally hilarious.
R's couch, 2008
In the summer term of first year, about a month before exams, we had this random Respiratory Science lecture, about respiratory alkalosis/acidosis and its metabolic equivalents. We then had this problem sheet, so a group of us went to a tutorial room to work it out. The first time I met R, we argued over metabolic acidosis/respiratory acidosis +/- compensation, because we each thought we were right, although I think we both got it wrong in the end. I wasn't ever close to R in first or second year much. We were only friends in that we had mutual friends, and I didn't think we were close enough for me to give him a Christmas present in 2nd year (the only time I've done it) (sorry R!) I looked at my dream tag, and he seems to have featured in several.. because we talk a lot and I consider him to be one of my best friends now. He's very intelligent. My favourite memory of R.... Probably gossip sinking/sharing at the corner after Podmedics/MedEd :)
Queens Lawn, summer 2008
I first met A in third year, outside a lecture theatre in H, which has since been knocked down. We had a feedback lecture, and she was there waiting outside, as the door was locked. I didn't really speak to her very much at all, and it's only been during Repro that we've become good friends. I really like her: she is incredibly reliable and patient and can hold her own. I really admire her :) The best memory I have of A was the last day of term before Christmas (2009) when we were in the lecture theatre at lunch, (there were a few of us) chatting and laughing and trying to watch movie trailers on the computer.
I'm in the middle; she's on my left (Christmas 2009)
And my last best friend. I first met D... I don't actually know... first year. We used to talk on MSN, because I emailed about 100 people asking them if they wanted the CD notes, and he replied, and we talked on MSN. I consider D one of my very good friends, even though our friendship is on pause a lot of the time, due to various schedule conflicts, but it's still there, just the same as it ever was. And my favourite memory... "say owt mancunian-like?!"
Sofra, 2008
Bet I can remember when I met most of my friends :D
ALL THESE IMAGES ARE MY OWN; PLEASE DON'T USE WITHOUT CREDITING ME
ALL THESE IMAGES ARE MY OWN; PLEASE DON'T USE WITHOUT CREDITING ME
Friday, March 5, 2010
do you remember back then when we met
History of medicine-wise it has been a very interesting week, mostly because of the focus on the specialities. In particular, the varying attitudes to psychiatry and people considered "insane", and the role of women in Victorian society. One thing that really got me was how little they used to think of women back then, and how much and how little has changed since then. It sickens me slightly to think that men thought that women's finite energy resources were mostly used up by menstruation and reproductive function, so that little remained for intellectual thought, and women were discouraged from developing their minds and using their brains, for fear of exhaustion or inducing oligo/amenorrhoea. I suppose I live in a very tolerant society, accepting that women can enter most roles in society now. The gender pay gap is 16-55% difference, depending where you look, and yet people never realise it.
Doctors used to believe that girls were claiming anorexia nervosa for attention, and they found it hard to reconcile their professional and personal beliefs. And also the issue of gynaecology... how it was seen as a whole speciality with much to delve into, because women's temperament and disease was thought to be due to dysfunction of the reproductive system.
I don't want to write about feminism, or anti-feminism. That's not my thing. But I really admire men who enter the field of obstetrics and gynaecology. The ones I have thusfar come across have been nothing but professional, whether there is a patient present or not, and they earn my lasting gratitude, with my asking silly questions and letting me see them section or examine patients, or indeed, letting me examine patients myself. Whilst there are male dominant specialities, like surgery (because only men used to be allowed to study medicine and surgery), I like that there is a breakdown of this previous thought, and more women can become surgeons, and more men can become obstetricians and gynaecologists (I pick this speciality as it has been long associated with female doctors).
And as to the issue of whether or not women and men are complimentary to each other... well, I personally believe that in a couple, this can be true. It is certainly true in mine. And whilst women fight so hard for our rights and to be treated totally equally, I once had a discussion with my boyfriend about this... I can't remember all the details but I do remember thinking how lucky I was to be studying medicine, a topic in which he does not have the upper hand.
I feel... not stupid, but just very lacking in knowledge when we talk about topics like politics and economics and philosophy and history. Without wanting to show off how knowledgeable he is, I'd say he has the best grasp of history, both ancient, medieval and contemporary, of anybody I know. And that is saying something, seeing people discuss in the history of medicine course. I wish I was more intelligent, and yet I know I wouldn't be happy with someone who could never teach me more about the world and about the history and future of it.
Anyway, so we had a reading about women in the sick role and women in the nervous role (Elaine Showalter) and it made me really angry to read it. Obviously I can look back with retrospect, but I know those attitudes described in her chapter would not be accepted today. I don't feel like men truly understand what women endure. Simple things like period pain is something I cannot find a parallel for in normal male physiology. It really hurts sometimes and it lasts several days, and women have been scorned for a long time for being dirty because of menstruation. There has been a long discussion about female labour, and men receiving testicular trauma. I know neither can experience the other, but I really believe that women have a harder time.
An issue that came up was gender reversal and sex. I have always known that gender is something that society assigns (makes sense, right?) and the majority of people do conform to the expectations of their sex. But having homosexuals does not been there has been a societal breakdown. I do not think badly of gay men or lesbian women. I know that people have their own desires, and they have freedom of thought and wants. I wouldn't be uncomfortable with two men kissing in my presence, or two women kissing in my presence, although the latter is something that a lot of men I know find weirdly a turn on. I accept that people choose to be this way, and that it is not wrong in the slightest. And I find it discriminatory that people judge against them, just by their being who they are.
I am not sure what the point of this post is, but it's time for bed now...
xo
Doctors used to believe that girls were claiming anorexia nervosa for attention, and they found it hard to reconcile their professional and personal beliefs. And also the issue of gynaecology... how it was seen as a whole speciality with much to delve into, because women's temperament and disease was thought to be due to dysfunction of the reproductive system.
I don't want to write about feminism, or anti-feminism. That's not my thing. But I really admire men who enter the field of obstetrics and gynaecology. The ones I have thusfar come across have been nothing but professional, whether there is a patient present or not, and they earn my lasting gratitude, with my asking silly questions and letting me see them section or examine patients, or indeed, letting me examine patients myself. Whilst there are male dominant specialities, like surgery (because only men used to be allowed to study medicine and surgery), I like that there is a breakdown of this previous thought, and more women can become surgeons, and more men can become obstetricians and gynaecologists (I pick this speciality as it has been long associated with female doctors).
And as to the issue of whether or not women and men are complimentary to each other... well, I personally believe that in a couple, this can be true. It is certainly true in mine. And whilst women fight so hard for our rights and to be treated totally equally, I once had a discussion with my boyfriend about this... I can't remember all the details but I do remember thinking how lucky I was to be studying medicine, a topic in which he does not have the upper hand.
I feel... not stupid, but just very lacking in knowledge when we talk about topics like politics and economics and philosophy and history. Without wanting to show off how knowledgeable he is, I'd say he has the best grasp of history, both ancient, medieval and contemporary, of anybody I know. And that is saying something, seeing people discuss in the history of medicine course. I wish I was more intelligent, and yet I know I wouldn't be happy with someone who could never teach me more about the world and about the history and future of it.
Anyway, so we had a reading about women in the sick role and women in the nervous role (Elaine Showalter) and it made me really angry to read it. Obviously I can look back with retrospect, but I know those attitudes described in her chapter would not be accepted today. I don't feel like men truly understand what women endure. Simple things like period pain is something I cannot find a parallel for in normal male physiology. It really hurts sometimes and it lasts several days, and women have been scorned for a long time for being dirty because of menstruation. There has been a long discussion about female labour, and men receiving testicular trauma. I know neither can experience the other, but I really believe that women have a harder time.
An issue that came up was gender reversal and sex. I have always known that gender is something that society assigns (makes sense, right?) and the majority of people do conform to the expectations of their sex. But having homosexuals does not been there has been a societal breakdown. I do not think badly of gay men or lesbian women. I know that people have their own desires, and they have freedom of thought and wants. I wouldn't be uncomfortable with two men kissing in my presence, or two women kissing in my presence, although the latter is something that a lot of men I know find weirdly a turn on. I accept that people choose to be this way, and that it is not wrong in the slightest. And I find it discriminatory that people judge against them, just by their being who they are.
I am not sure what the point of this post is, but it's time for bed now...
xo
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Thursday, March 4, 2010
you won't be lonely
Had one of the best weekends ever. It might be silly, but P and I celebrate, or at least recognise, every month we have been together; on Saturday, it was 29 months. It was lovely to do something, particularly as for the next 6 or 7 months, we won't see each other. We both used to live in student halls. It is very lovely there, although it was mostly in development when we were there. We walked back there, and had lunch in a gastro-pub just off the King's Road, called Lots Road Pub. It was one of the best meals I have had in a pub :)
R and I are always saying we should go to places for lunch/dinner; this should be one of them. I can't believe how much of Imperial Wharf has changed.
I joined the Kensington library (finally) and got some chicklit books out, the intellectual books I wanted to get out were already taken out. (1984 and Fatherland) So we went home and read. I slept lots and lots over the weekend, and watched Friends. I'm on the penultimate episode now... almost there. Then we went for dinner at the house of one of P's friends; he lives in Parson's Green, and we watched Canada finally beat America in the ice hockey Winter Olympics final... it was such a good game :)
Spring looks like it is finally here :) Time to get the summery clothes out!! (although, the majority of my wardrobe is summery, and it becomes winter-wearable by the addition of jumper.
I loooove this song so much. I worked out how to convert videos from youtube to mp3 songs, so I did it for this, now I play it lots and lots. It's a cover version of a song by Jay Sean, which I don't think is as good. But check this version out:
And lastly, I think the NaBloPoMo people are checking my blog. I wanted to say I give up on March. I've not been able to post everyday, and I know that we're meant to! I'll do it in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
R and I are always saying we should go to places for lunch/dinner; this should be one of them. I can't believe how much of Imperial Wharf has changed.
I joined the Kensington library (finally) and got some chicklit books out, the intellectual books I wanted to get out were already taken out. (1984 and Fatherland) So we went home and read. I slept lots and lots over the weekend, and watched Friends. I'm on the penultimate episode now... almost there. Then we went for dinner at the house of one of P's friends; he lives in Parson's Green, and we watched Canada finally beat America in the ice hockey Winter Olympics final... it was such a good game :)
Spring looks like it is finally here :) Time to get the summery clothes out!! (although, the majority of my wardrobe is summery, and it becomes winter-wearable by the addition of jumper.
I loooove this song so much. I worked out how to convert videos from youtube to mp3 songs, so I did it for this, now I play it lots and lots. It's a cover version of a song by Jay Sean, which I don't think is as good. But check this version out:
And lastly, I think the NaBloPoMo people are checking my blog. I wanted to say I give up on March. I've not been able to post everyday, and I know that we're meant to! I'll do it in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Qui définit le moment où j'écris?
Studying history of medicine allows us to understand how we got to where we are now in terms of medical care, and to understand past lessons. For me, it is about balancing my beliefs and my practice. When I lived at home, I used to take what medicines my parents told me to. We had lots of herbal remedies, based on roots of plants and trees, and flowers, and seeds and beans, and this ointment that I swear by. My parents - I don't know if it applies to Eastern medical tradition - believe that disease is caued by an imbalance of something. I am reluctant to say what the "something" is, as I know it's not the four humours. It's "heat" for want of a better word: I know that in Chinese, there must be thousands of words that have no literal translations, and this is one of them.
I use cupping, which is not the thing with candles inside, it's based on pressure. I am not entirely sure if it works, but I don't like taking medications. I have it if I know that my pain won't be alleviated in a few hours. The way it works is very interesting to me, and I know that whilst it may not work, it gives me peace of mind that I am doing something, and for my mother, who seems to worry about my health a lot more than I do. Which is saying something. I do not use it often. It feels nice in a weird way, and it helps me to understand that a lot of the time, pain is psychosomatic. By my belief that having done SOMETHING in order to make pain go away, it does go away.
But I am finding it hard to reconcile what I have known in the past and what I am learning today.
I take a lot of traditional medicines and drink herbal drinks and so on, because ultimately, I believe that there is no need for synthetic medicine. There are things in Nature whose uses have been ignored, in favour of a longer shelf life etc. I am not ashamed of doing so and believing it.
I don't particularly like taking medicine, as I know that we're not meant to. I only take paracetamol very very rarely. When I have period pain, I try not to take it, even though I know it provides instant relief. And it can really hurt and last for up to a day. I know that we are meant to be stronger than we think: people existed without medicines for years and years and years. The advent of the pharmaceutical industry is making us soft. I don't want to harm my body anymore than necessary.
And yet, I find it hard to explain my health beliefs to people. I feel that people I have told in the past do not listen with an open and/or receptive mind, and they can't understand why I believe it. Or maybe it is just my ineloquence. I know they judge me for using "alternative medicine", and think I'm a bit strange to use such methods, and to use such ointments and so on, when for me, western medicine is the alternative. I don't feel as though I have come across anyone who has listened to me with an actively unjudging mind, boyfriend included. But I understand that it is because people do not like what is different. Change has to come gradually, and it has to have some sort of evidence for it to be accepted.
I think this is partly why I am so reluctant to seek medical help. I don't feel as though I am a hypochondriac. I know what real pain feels like, I don't have to pretend it is there. Because I don't like interventional medicine, I actively avoid acting in a way that makes it obvious that anything is wrong. I know P will read this one day and think "wtf is she talking about?" because I talk about my symptoms with him a lot, but even though I worry about my frequent hurting myself, my first thought is not "let's go seek medical help". I remember when P took me to A&E, and I commented on the way that I didn't want to inconvenience the doctors and he was quick to reply that that was what they were they for.
I use cupping, which is not the thing with candles inside, it's based on pressure. I am not entirely sure if it works, but I don't like taking medications. I have it if I know that my pain won't be alleviated in a few hours. The way it works is very interesting to me, and I know that whilst it may not work, it gives me peace of mind that I am doing something, and for my mother, who seems to worry about my health a lot more than I do. Which is saying something. I do not use it often. It feels nice in a weird way, and it helps me to understand that a lot of the time, pain is psychosomatic. By my belief that having done SOMETHING in order to make pain go away, it does go away.
But I am finding it hard to reconcile what I have known in the past and what I am learning today.
I take a lot of traditional medicines and drink herbal drinks and so on, because ultimately, I believe that there is no need for synthetic medicine. There are things in Nature whose uses have been ignored, in favour of a longer shelf life etc. I am not ashamed of doing so and believing it.
I don't particularly like taking medicine, as I know that we're not meant to. I only take paracetamol very very rarely. When I have period pain, I try not to take it, even though I know it provides instant relief. And it can really hurt and last for up to a day. I know that we are meant to be stronger than we think: people existed without medicines for years and years and years. The advent of the pharmaceutical industry is making us soft. I don't want to harm my body anymore than necessary.
And yet, I find it hard to explain my health beliefs to people. I feel that people I have told in the past do not listen with an open and/or receptive mind, and they can't understand why I believe it. Or maybe it is just my ineloquence. I know they judge me for using "alternative medicine", and think I'm a bit strange to use such methods, and to use such ointments and so on, when for me, western medicine is the alternative. I don't feel as though I have come across anyone who has listened to me with an actively unjudging mind, boyfriend included. But I understand that it is because people do not like what is different. Change has to come gradually, and it has to have some sort of evidence for it to be accepted.
I think this is partly why I am so reluctant to seek medical help. I don't feel as though I am a hypochondriac. I know what real pain feels like, I don't have to pretend it is there. Because I don't like interventional medicine, I actively avoid acting in a way that makes it obvious that anything is wrong. I know P will read this one day and think "wtf is she talking about?" because I talk about my symptoms with him a lot, but even though I worry about my frequent hurting myself, my first thought is not "let's go seek medical help". I remember when P took me to A&E, and I commented on the way that I didn't want to inconvenience the doctors and he was quick to reply that that was what they were they for.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day!
Firstly, happy Chinese New Year / Spring Festival to everyone. I hope this year brings you love and happiness.
It's also Valentine's Day... Not really doing anything special. Just had a really nice relaxed weekend - first one in months - and I'm going to cook my special Chinese New Year meal tonight for us. We had brunch in Giraffe yesterday, where I always have the veggie brunch if it's the right time: it's so yummy, and always makes me feel as though I should bother to cook a cooked breakfast in the morning. P continued to organise his time away, and I did some work and wrote an EMQ test for the OSCE tutees I have on Wednesday. Watched Friends (still not finished the boxset yet, although watching 6.5 seasons during January until 10th Feb is rather impressive, seeing as though each season is over 8 hours long :)
Special thankyou to P, who fed me and kept me sane during my whole BSc revision stressing/exam period/study leave. Love xx
It's also Valentine's Day... Not really doing anything special. Just had a really nice relaxed weekend - first one in months - and I'm going to cook my special Chinese New Year meal tonight for us. We had brunch in Giraffe yesterday, where I always have the veggie brunch if it's the right time: it's so yummy, and always makes me feel as though I should bother to cook a cooked breakfast in the morning. P continued to organise his time away, and I did some work and wrote an EMQ test for the OSCE tutees I have on Wednesday. Watched Friends (still not finished the boxset yet, although watching 6.5 seasons during January until 10th Feb is rather impressive, seeing as though each season is over 8 hours long :)
Special thankyou to P, who fed me and kept me sane during my whole BSc revision stressing/exam period/study leave. Love xx
Saturday, January 2, 2010
my 2009 and my hopes for 2010
JANUARY
- New Year :)
- Gaza War continues :(
- Obama becomes President.. America breathes sigh of relief, hoping their worldwide image will be restored
- back in London on 3rd Jan, ready for pretty much 20 weeks of firms in one go
- get organised... buy a real size Cheese and Onion, a bag to carry it around in, have a jumper to wear on firms, start working for real
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| not so hard at work |
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| from google images |
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| from google images |
- do my first whole day on call, a week later followed by a whole night on call... realise I am missing Boys Like Girls, but would put my night on call experience above any concert
- see my very first C sections :)
- visit and dislike Westfield
- snow day! 2-2-09... I was practically the only student who went into firms that day... it didn't occur to me that I should just stay at home, when my jeans were soaked all the way through and my socks and trainers were drenched... took me 2 hours to get in, and 2 hours to go home
- on same snow day, buy first 3 twilight books, proceed to fall in love
- lovely Valentine's Day
- I's birthday... enjoy Confessions of a Shopaholic very much and feel closer to Isma again after not seeing her for so long and feel less guilty that I didn't keep in better touch
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| Pizza Express |
MARCH
- N's amazing 21st birthday dinner in Hampstead. I think everyone put so much effort in because the dinner was free!
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| L-R: Pink Lady, Cowgirl, gangster, Sailor Mars, gangster #2, detective |
- London Fashion Weekend - buy Juicy Couture shoes :D
- end of first 10 week firm... got on very well with them all
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| sleeping after long day's work.. that IS actually me |
APRIL
- get #1 score on webct - enough time has passed so I can tell people. Hope Prof M does not realise it is me on his firm and that I am the one who got #1
- M begins to call me number 1, with his itouch lighter flame
 |
| M in SAF |
- realise I have become less tolerant of people who annoy me
- realise who my true friends are
- become closer friends with T, who I knew before but not that well. I hope I have been as good a friend to you as you have to me
- exam panic (first of many)
- swine flu comes, initially is a big threat. I was never scared of it
MAY
- buy tons of emergency food :)
- discover beauty department at the whole foods market
- p goes away around exam time, find it very difficult to balance life and stress
- exams
JUNE
- Britney at the o2!
- As You Like It at the Globe
- Milan :) Best holiday ever.
- decide to learn dance to Gee by SNSD... only actively do something about it in December
JUNE
- see Star Trek :) one of the best films of the year
- stupid tfl strike disrupting my birthday dinner
- time to read all the books that have been piling up on my table
- break phone #1
- have a great time in chelwest A&E (as in, service was good)
- Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett pass away :(
JULY
- find out results of exams sat outside Pret on Regent Street, using M's itouch
- anaesthesia elective - fun helping people anaesthetise.... see loads of babies being born, get to do loads and loads and meet some cool people :)
- 21st birthday :D
AUGUST
- O&G elective - even more babies, get to be "assistant surgeon" in the records, clerk gynaecology patients, despite having no knowledge of said speciality
- make goals to do before I'm 30
- some American disses our NHS :(
SEPTEMBER
- boyfriend finishes thesis
- start BSc - initially exciting, initially do no work
- see District 9 - good but too graphic, challenged my ideas of prejudice
OCTOBER
- learn to belly dance
- start to rectify lack of ever attending a wedding, encourage friends to get married
- see Disney on Ice :)
- realise who my true friends are, part 2
- break phone #2
- get coat that will protect me from the rain
- P becomes doctor... one of the best candidates his examiner has examined
- Christmas
- got proper phone :)
- Brittany Murphy passed away
- too much snow... freeze and shiver half a stone off
- - - -
I saw this "10 years ago..." thing on someone's facebook status, and thought I'd do it here. So... 10 years ago.....
I had no computer or mobile phone, having no real need of them. If I needed to find out something, I used to go to the school library. I only had a vague concept of the Internet and had hardly ever used it. I had never kissed a boy. I had short hair and didn't think I was fat. I had no idea what I wanted to do when I was older, just that I wanted to be happy. I kept a diary, all of which I still have somewhere. I loved pop music and thought that only bad people used swear words.
How times have changed.
In 2010, I want to do something fulfilling, have fun, work hard, enjoy life and carry on learning to bellydance. I will learn the beginning of the dance to Gee. I'll try to enjoy Pathology. I'll keep in touch better with my friends, and be a better daughter, and a better girlfriend. I will also try to realise that taking time off from working does not always mean slacking.
In 10 years time... I will be 31 (old :( ).... I want to attain all my "before I'm 30" goals (see sidebar) and I want to look back and think how good this decade was.
All photos are my own unless stated.
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