Finished critical care. It was a very interesting placement, and one I would have loved to have earlier in the year so I could get more involved. We didn't have a set timetable, so the time we finished was always variable. It was quite intense, with the 8am ward rounds in the mornings so I had to get up early. I have no idea how I used to wake up early during my other firms in the past! We had an ILS course on the second day, which was basic management of a patient's airway, or what to do if they lose cardiac output and how to restore it, and the causes. It was really interesting, and amazingly useful as the day after, I was present at 2 peri-arrest calls, both on the same patient who unfortunately passed away the next day. I also ventilated for and did CPR on a patient who had basically all the complications of diabetes at the young age of 52, and she arrested during the ward round. There was another lady, whose history I was unclear about, but I gather she was having a hip replacement and they were about to finish when she had bradycardia and then arrested. I did CPR on her too.
When the team decide to stop emergency resuscitation, it feels weird. I wish we, as students, got some sort of debrief, or got to have a chat with someone about it.
We got to fully examine patients, write the notes on AccuBase, do discharge summaries, watch procedures, see burns surgery, have informal teaching, really enjoyed it :)
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Showing posts with label university. Show all posts
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
two can keep a secret if
In reference to my twitter, I locked it for a while, so I had time to go through it and remove tweets pertaining to my friends / personal information, and to avoid any drama. Now satisfied that I won't post anything with anything that would easily identify my movements / where I go / what I do etc. Still unsure about protecting the tweets though (that's what it is called)... I am a bit mercurial about this point. I need direction.
I feel that being at university, it sort of prolongs your state of not grasping the full concept of what it means to be an adult. I have mentioned before that I see adult life being one where you pay taxes, and have a pension and are making serious decisions about the future. I feel like that phase of adulthood is coming upon me soon, and so it's lead to me bringing up the topic of the future with people, and where they see their lives going, including where they want to live, how many children they want, what they want to do in the future. My stance is that it is nice to daydream about things that have not happened, and to be prepared. It won't do to have a life in front of you that you have not really thought about. But... those decisions seem so big and so far away, and recently, some friends and I have been discussing it. Mentioning no names, there is someone who doesn't want her future husband to have his own bank account, and she wants a pre-nup saying she will get a major portion of his future earnings. I relayed this to my boyfriend, who said she will never get anyone to marry her if that is what she truly believes.
Surely it makes financial sense to spread your assets and keep your own bank accounts, but when marriage happens or if a very steady state of relationship is assured and marriage is not necessary, you could set up a joint account, but also keep some of your monetary assets elsewhere. Her thinking makes no sense.
Over the past few months, I have encouraged people to 'get married soon', in a half jokey half serious but that kind of thing is a serious commitment. I could never imagine getting married more than once - although this is not a certainty in this day and age - so I want to be sure before I do get married, and though I encourage people to think about marriage in their future, I want them to be sure, and also to be happy with whoever they marry. Starter marriages are becoming more and more common, because that ideal of the happy life with a happy family is being pushed on us more and more by the media. I feel like films depict a false representation of what it is like, and people rush into what they think is their ideal future, without really thinking about the consequences.
A little bit glad it's been getting sunnier; spring is truly here when you really cannot predict the weather. I am always one of those people that goes out dressed unprepared for the weather, such that I am too cold.. and then I have the radiator on full all the time in my flat and so feel a bit too hot. Have been having bad headaches recently, aggravated by the light :/ I've been having bad headaches and bad dreams every day for about a week now.. not so fun. I think that it might be because my mind is too active in the day, and I probably do not eat properly, particularly when my boyfriend goes away.
Been having a very productive week - been looking for a new skincare routine for quite a while: I keep adding to it, and seeing how things go, and I stay with the same brands. Saw this thing in one of those free London magazines a few months ago about the best things for different requirements of skin care, so been doing my research and finally got some things. I still amn't sure whether it's weird that I buy anti-ageing things: I have been doing so for about 3.5 years; whether or not it has made any difference is unknown. I had a consult a while back, and things seem to be going alright? I don't look too old yet!
Finished O&G this week... it's been one of the best clinical attachments, where you bring new life into the world and are fully involved in every step of the patient's care. I have enjoyed it so much, but I am glad for a break now. The hours were not amazing, staying awake for 30+ hours three times in 10 days makes you feel rubbish, it turns out. I have no idea what I was existing on, as my diet suffered during that 10 day period so badly. Your body only has a limited supply of glucose and glycogen, right? So I must have been using up my fat, and therefore losing weight.
Was at a friend's house: he has a balcony and it's nice to sit out there when it's sunny and when the sun is just setting. We always have interesting conversations: I like to converse with people who are open to talking about topics I talk about. I can talk politics, economics and current affairs to a limited extent, but I prefer not to air my politico-economic opinions because it just gets into murky waters where people judge you for believing a certain thing. I like to have my confidante (is that even a word?) Sometimes it helps me to process things by talking out loud about them (with the ever recurring phrase "d'you know what I mean?") or writing about them.
Feel like I haven't blogged for quite a while, nothing about my life anyway. There has been music and fashion and pictures but nothing about how I have been. I mostly blog when I feel sick or when I am tired and can't really concentrate on study, and then save the posts so sometimes you see a load of posts posted regularly. Guess I've been a little down recently, tired and whatnot. I always put on Just Dance by Lady Gaga - it never fails to get me dancing. I love it! ♥
Excited about the new Gossip Girl episodes.. only 5 left in this season. And there's some way I can download BBC iplayer things without needing to watch it via bbc... watch this space. If it works, I will write about it! Been in a very talky mood... my boyfriend says that it's because I learned to talk early, so that I could get my opinion across. And ask for cake...
Been listening to The Pierces recently; they have a very haunting and old-school style to their music which I can't quite put my finger on. They sing about quite varying things but very well.... Sort of folksy-rock.
Anyway. Enough rambling!
Carol ♥
xx
I feel that being at university, it sort of prolongs your state of not grasping the full concept of what it means to be an adult. I have mentioned before that I see adult life being one where you pay taxes, and have a pension and are making serious decisions about the future. I feel like that phase of adulthood is coming upon me soon, and so it's lead to me bringing up the topic of the future with people, and where they see their lives going, including where they want to live, how many children they want, what they want to do in the future. My stance is that it is nice to daydream about things that have not happened, and to be prepared. It won't do to have a life in front of you that you have not really thought about. But... those decisions seem so big and so far away, and recently, some friends and I have been discussing it. Mentioning no names, there is someone who doesn't want her future husband to have his own bank account, and she wants a pre-nup saying she will get a major portion of his future earnings. I relayed this to my boyfriend, who said she will never get anyone to marry her if that is what she truly believes.
Surely it makes financial sense to spread your assets and keep your own bank accounts, but when marriage happens or if a very steady state of relationship is assured and marriage is not necessary, you could set up a joint account, but also keep some of your monetary assets elsewhere. Her thinking makes no sense.
Over the past few months, I have encouraged people to 'get married soon', in a half jokey half serious but that kind of thing is a serious commitment. I could never imagine getting married more than once - although this is not a certainty in this day and age - so I want to be sure before I do get married, and though I encourage people to think about marriage in their future, I want them to be sure, and also to be happy with whoever they marry. Starter marriages are becoming more and more common, because that ideal of the happy life with a happy family is being pushed on us more and more by the media. I feel like films depict a false representation of what it is like, and people rush into what they think is their ideal future, without really thinking about the consequences.
A little bit glad it's been getting sunnier; spring is truly here when you really cannot predict the weather. I am always one of those people that goes out dressed unprepared for the weather, such that I am too cold.. and then I have the radiator on full all the time in my flat and so feel a bit too hot. Have been having bad headaches recently, aggravated by the light :/ I've been having bad headaches and bad dreams every day for about a week now.. not so fun. I think that it might be because my mind is too active in the day, and I probably do not eat properly, particularly when my boyfriend goes away.
Been having a very productive week - been looking for a new skincare routine for quite a while: I keep adding to it, and seeing how things go, and I stay with the same brands. Saw this thing in one of those free London magazines a few months ago about the best things for different requirements of skin care, so been doing my research and finally got some things. I still amn't sure whether it's weird that I buy anti-ageing things: I have been doing so for about 3.5 years; whether or not it has made any difference is unknown. I had a consult a while back, and things seem to be going alright? I don't look too old yet!
Finished O&G this week... it's been one of the best clinical attachments, where you bring new life into the world and are fully involved in every step of the patient's care. I have enjoyed it so much, but I am glad for a break now. The hours were not amazing, staying awake for 30+ hours three times in 10 days makes you feel rubbish, it turns out. I have no idea what I was existing on, as my diet suffered during that 10 day period so badly. Your body only has a limited supply of glucose and glycogen, right? So I must have been using up my fat, and therefore losing weight.
Was at a friend's house: he has a balcony and it's nice to sit out there when it's sunny and when the sun is just setting. We always have interesting conversations: I like to converse with people who are open to talking about topics I talk about. I can talk politics, economics and current affairs to a limited extent, but I prefer not to air my politico-economic opinions because it just gets into murky waters where people judge you for believing a certain thing. I like to have my confidante (is that even a word?) Sometimes it helps me to process things by talking out loud about them (with the ever recurring phrase "d'you know what I mean?") or writing about them.
Feel like I haven't blogged for quite a while, nothing about my life anyway. There has been music and fashion and pictures but nothing about how I have been. I mostly blog when I feel sick or when I am tired and can't really concentrate on study, and then save the posts so sometimes you see a load of posts posted regularly. Guess I've been a little down recently, tired and whatnot. I always put on Just Dance by Lady Gaga - it never fails to get me dancing. I love it! ♥
Excited about the new Gossip Girl episodes.. only 5 left in this season. And there's some way I can download BBC iplayer things without needing to watch it via bbc... watch this space. If it works, I will write about it! Been in a very talky mood... my boyfriend says that it's because I learned to talk early, so that I could get my opinion across. And ask for cake...
Been listening to The Pierces recently; they have a very haunting and old-school style to their music which I can't quite put my finger on. They sing about quite varying things but very well.... Sort of folksy-rock.
Anyway. Enough rambling!
Carol ♥
xx
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| isn't this a pretty advert? (from google images) |
Friday, March 25, 2011
together we found a youth fountain
Urgh. You know that feeling when you've been awake for too long and your whole body gets weak and you feel sick? That's how I've felt for the past week and a half. Been on labour ward, and hitting it hard, so that I can get the right combination of deliveries. Basically, on O&G, we all spend time on labour ward, understanding the process of labour and the monitoring needed, and also to see the movement of the baby as it is delivered. It has been known for being very tiring. So we need to get 10 deliveries, through whichever method, meaning a normal vaginal delivery (SVD = spontaneous vaginal delivery), an instrumental delivery (ventouse/kiwi or forceps) which help to deliver the baby's head, or a Caesarean section. I did five shifts in total, three nights and two day time ones... very tiring. So in the past week and a half, on three separate occasions, I have been awake for over 30 hours (most was 35 hours). It is painful, sitting through clinic and tutorials wishing the time would go by quicker so that you can finally get home and sleep.
It has certainly been a wonderful and life changing experience :) This past week and a half has not been the first time I have seen babies being born, but it was still a huge privilege all the same. I am not usually one for using twitter to talk about my medicine life all the time; I get a bit annoyed when medics are like, "I saw this and this and this today and I did this interesting medical related thing". So I've tried not to use twitter to talk about delivering babies all the time over the past few nights. Staying awake for 32, 35 and 37 hours over 9 days really takes it out on you though; it is not advised. Do not try this at home.
Been trying to study, and failing... I've come home the past few days and been too tired to do anything. Started watching Junior Doctors on BBC iplayer, finally. It is very interesting, but I'm going to wait until I've seen a few more episodes before I pass judgement on some of the doctors on it.
Also.. in love with this song. Skylar Grey helped to write both versions of Love the Way You Lie. She has a hauntingly beautiful voice.
Here is the original Love the Way You Lie song. Whatever you think about this song, you can't deny that the rapping is lyrically very clever.
It has certainly been a wonderful and life changing experience :) This past week and a half has not been the first time I have seen babies being born, but it was still a huge privilege all the same. I am not usually one for using twitter to talk about my medicine life all the time; I get a bit annoyed when medics are like, "I saw this and this and this today and I did this interesting medical related thing". So I've tried not to use twitter to talk about delivering babies all the time over the past few nights. Staying awake for 32, 35 and 37 hours over 9 days really takes it out on you though; it is not advised. Do not try this at home.
Been trying to study, and failing... I've come home the past few days and been too tired to do anything. Started watching Junior Doctors on BBC iplayer, finally. It is very interesting, but I'm going to wait until I've seen a few more episodes before I pass judgement on some of the doctors on it.
Also.. in love with this song. Skylar Grey helped to write both versions of Love the Way You Lie. She has a hauntingly beautiful voice.
Here is the original Love the Way You Lie song. Whatever you think about this song, you can't deny that the rapping is lyrically very clever.
Monday, October 11, 2010
that october feeling
Not entirely sure where these last few days have gone; it seems to have gone by very quickly without my noticing it. I've been busy with work and tidying and looking through people's personal statements for medicine; they are all starting to blur into one, and the main message seems to be "it's challenging but I like it". There are only so many ways you can phrase something, so I guess it's just a game of trying to phrase it in an individual way that still has your 'voice' behind it. It's a fine line between being very supportive, and saying, oh, you said this well, and a need to say, this is what you should say and what the admissions tutors might be looking for.
Went for dinner with some friends to a halal Chinese restaurant; the menu had pictures of the food alongside the written text, and it made me a little sad, because the pictures reminded me of being home. I get real authentic Chinese food at home made by my parents (my dad used to work in two famous Chinese restaurants) ... I guess that's part of the reason I don't have Chinese food often when I am not at (real) home, because it's not the same. A lot of the food you get in takeaways or restaurants caters to the Western appetite, so it pales into insignificance compared to the food my parents can make, so whilst I miss Chinese food A LOT when I am away at university, I know I have great things to look forward to. My parents always make my favourite foods when I am home :D
Anyway, the halal Chinese was very good... I've missed eating out. I saved a whole lot of money whilst P was away (sort of) as I stayed in a lot and ate through my "emergency" food supply, which I then came to realise was my ACTUAL food supply. It's almost all gone, thankfully. And I've missed eating out with friends; as time goes by, it gets harder to organise meet ups, as people have various commitments and other interests. I feel that even though I've been in a relationship for a while, it's still good to have different interests to the significant other. I just don't think I could ever become someone who spent all their time with their boyfriend.. I'm not sure that it would be good for all parties concerned.
Carol
xx
Went for dinner with some friends to a halal Chinese restaurant; the menu had pictures of the food alongside the written text, and it made me a little sad, because the pictures reminded me of being home. I get real authentic Chinese food at home made by my parents (my dad used to work in two famous Chinese restaurants) ... I guess that's part of the reason I don't have Chinese food often when I am not at (real) home, because it's not the same. A lot of the food you get in takeaways or restaurants caters to the Western appetite, so it pales into insignificance compared to the food my parents can make, so whilst I miss Chinese food A LOT when I am away at university, I know I have great things to look forward to. My parents always make my favourite foods when I am home :D
Anyway, the halal Chinese was very good... I've missed eating out. I saved a whole lot of money whilst P was away (sort of) as I stayed in a lot and ate through my "emergency" food supply, which I then came to realise was my ACTUAL food supply. It's almost all gone, thankfully. And I've missed eating out with friends; as time goes by, it gets harder to organise meet ups, as people have various commitments and other interests. I feel that even though I've been in a relationship for a while, it's still good to have different interests to the significant other. I just don't think I could ever become someone who spent all their time with their boyfriend.. I'm not sure that it would be good for all parties concerned.
Carol
xx
Saturday, August 21, 2010
we are two worlds apart
This week has been interesting, to say the very very very least.
Spent a large part of the early part of this week having fun Paediatric learning times with some really good doctors and there was generally lots of good chat too. (!) I don't particularly want to go into any specifics, but it was a really really great start to a week that I had mixed feelings about. Spent time in the Special Care Baby Unit, and in Paediatric A&E, and on the main paediatric ward, as well as not looking silly in handover. I feel less scared of Paediatrics now; at first it was a little bit overwhelming and in particular Carol fashion, I had a huge panic at the beginning, thankfully not witnessed by anyone.
It is a little bit of a shame that the attachment has been shortened, but all the same, I think the holidays mini-breaks consolidation weeks will be useful indeed. I have residency these next two weeks, where theoretically, I'm meant to be resident... but living not that far away counts as being resident, yes?
We had lectures on Wednesday, which were well delivered (two of them, at least) but they were about depressing topics. I love walking back in the sunshine. Because I have black hair, it absorbs heat like nothing (I have to take breaks from blowdrying my hair because my hair gets too hot and burns me) but it feels good when it's sunny. We had a really interesting conversation about divorce and general culture differences. I like that I have friends who are from different cultures, and also that I have something to contribute. A lot of traditions or superstitions that I still uphold / maintain / believe in are sometimes things that I don't realise that I'm doing and so I don't realise that it might seem a bit unusual to some people. For example, placement of things and doing certain things on certain days.
About divorce.. I don't believe in it. As in, I would never marry someone if I knew at the start it wouldn't work out. Granted, this is something you cannot predict which is why I'd like to know the guy for ages beforehand, so that marriage would not be too huge a transition. Once during the winter this year or last year, P and I were having dinner at the weekend (which usually involves him cooking, me getting in the way and then me disliking washing up) and watching something on his computer and he said that we were just like a married couple with a very familiar routine. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. We talk of marriage in a semi-abstract way, in that it will be somewhere in the future, but it feels like an incredibly grown up step for me. That's probably because I'm still at uni, but friends from school that are my age are getting flats and jobs and getting engaged and the like.
I floated the idea of a potential baby girl name, and decided I don't want to live in a boat, or in a treehouse. I also had a surprise phone call from Costa Rica on Wednesday, bringing the voice contact count to 3. It makes me wistful when I hear his travelling stories because I know that I will never have an opportunity like that.
So the end of the working week has mixed reviews. The former half of the week was better than the latter (I think of the week as Monday to Friday, with 2 days weekend to play). I mean, it was still good, just not as good as Mon - Wed. Maybe I just had set myself too high a standard. There has been lots of medicine, lots of discussion, laughs and some gossip :-) There was also a bit of waiting around because of a couple of paediatric emergency cases but had some good self directed learning times. As in, I actually looked at the book.
Met up with some friends last night to chat and play cards and the like. Formal apologies for any untoward behaviour on my part.
Had an eventful morning, and woke up to some post which contained a physical manifestation of one of my goals to achieve before I am 30. Got a bit excited and I wish I could tick them off via html... *investigates*
Had a very very weird dream this morning between 6 and 8am too... I dream that I was in my flat, and it was sunny but people were passing through my flat to get to the garden. I was confused about why they were entering my flat just to get to the back door, as I had never noticed it before. Though to be fair, dream Carol is probably unobservant too. So I looked outside, and it was like a field. There were people sat on benches chatting, and it was a private space just for people on my floor, but the annoying thing was that they had to go into my flat to get to the garden, and I was thinking, "well, it's all fine when I am here but what about when I'm not? Then they might take my things". But then I got distracted by this blond man, who was my next door neighbour. So I walked past his flat, which had a round pane of glass in it so I could see inside, and he was doing some sort of fitness DVD. His room was so sparsely decorated in comparison to mine, but there was lots of orange, yellow and purple patterned things. I was also a bit :O at the arrangement of the things too. If I had Paint, I'd draw the room for you.
Then he passed through my room again, and I was like, "hey! you're my next door neighbour?!?!" and then he told me he had lived next door for years but I had never seen him before.
Then I was playing in the playground at my school, and I had copper brown hair and a dress on. It was breaktime and there were 2 teachers supervising and people were in the garden too. (My school's playground had a sort of enclosed pretty garden area) but then I got some sort of call and fought this monster with (get this), two huge molecules of potassium chloride, with the two ions K+ and Cl- separately. And it worked. (???)
Then I got another mission call, and had to run out of the playground, ignoring the reprimand of my teacher, and ran up the ramp and to the end of the road. I realised I had nothing to fight with, then I saw this black helicopter moving towards me. I asked it, "do you have any malicious intent towards me?" and it moved from side to side as if to say no. So then I picked it up and it turned into a little toy helicopter, attached by string to a pink balloon that was not inflated.
So eventually I worked out that if I inflated the balloon, the helicopter got bigger too. So I could get into the helicopter. But it would get smaller with time so I'd have to reinflate the balloon. Totally strange!!! Then my best friend got into the helicopter with me, and then we flew over to the town and she told me to land on top of the Science Museum.
Weird, right??!!!!!
Ugh.. now I am overheating :(
Hope you are all well!
Carol xxoo
Saturday, August 14, 2010
i need you like a heart needs a beat
A lot of my posts are queued up from when I have spare time.. a lot of my writing happens on Friday and Saturday nights/early mornings, which I sort of have as my time to catch up with the social media, to write blog posts, to watch tv shows on my computer and feel a bit less guilty about doing so. Much of my work pattern stems from my school work habits. Particularly when I was in 6th form, it was as if I was an only child for much of the term as my sister was at university. I'd try and get all my work done on Friday night (for some reason) so I could enjoy the weekend. I've not been feeling that well this weekend so been taking a bit easier and am spending a lot of time in bed reading magazines.
I'm on a Paediatric attachment at the moment, and have spent this past week in community paediatrics. "Paed" means 'child' in Greek, I believe, and the 'iatro' part means medical caused, or doctor, or treating. I studied Latin for 2 years, and 'paed' has an analogous meaning, and I can sort of see why people might think "paediatrics" is a Latin derived word. I loved studying languages, and I wish sometimes that I had kept them all up. People ask me sometimes what I would do if I wasn't doing my chosen degree. I would have to say it would be something to do with French. I loved studying it and I try to keep some French vocabulary in my normal vocabulary, which is why some of my texts have French words in.
Anyway, community paediatrics has been very interesting, a real eye opener. Previously, I wasn't aware of the community's role in the holistic care of the child, and there are many people behind the scenes involved in a child's care. It's a bit heartbreaking to see children's illness firsthand, in a chronic longterm sort of way. We all have ideals and ways that we think things should be. We saw some cases where foster carers were bringing their children into clinic, with varying results. I find it hard to believe that someone could neglect their child, although the reasons are often multifactorial.
Studying Paediatrics also allows me to see patterns linking behaviours, and the like. I can't really explain this without giving examples which would reveal who I am talking about. Reading psychology and thought process books has not been in vain - it has real life applications.. at least for me!
P's secondary supervisor's wife is from Brazil, and she is a paediatrician. He says it makes her more paranoid about the symptoms that her children have. I think I would be like that. I don't think I could marry a (medical) doctor. Whilst it is good to find a vocation that you enjoy and that does not become your whole life, it's beneficial to escape from work life a little bit sometimes, and I think by marrying a medical doctor, it would keep me more in the mindset of work more often. I don't want to burn out.. even now there are days when I just want to be lazy and not dress up and just lounge around in my tracksuit bottoms and a tank top and tie my hair up in a bun and sit in bed with some books. Another good point of dating someone who's not a medic is that I have the ability to bring something to the relationship. Many of you who know me know of P's stories and all his experiences, and it is concentrated when we are together. So it is good that there is something that I can teach him.
The weather has been very on and off of recent, which bothers me as I don't react well to fluctuations in temperature. I think I just respond to temperature badly anyway, I find it hard to adjust my body temperature to that of my environment. And I can't work out if it's better for me to be too cold or to be too hot. :/
Been reading 'Generation Kill' which is by Evan Wright, a reporter who was with Rolling Stone during the Iraq War *cough*. I am not sure if he still works there, but to my knowledge, the TV series was faithful to the book. And also, Wright was allowed such insight in exchange for not using his satellite phone to stay in contact with his editor. But I think it's one of those books that benefits from having a TV series.. and the fact that I have already watched it makes the book for easier understanding. Because of its faithfullness, it doesn't matter which one I read/saw first. Normally, military/combat type stuff is not for me, as I get jumpy and don't enjoy suspense. (I had to read the full synopsis of the first 2 seasons of 24 before we watched them, with everything broken down so I wouldn't get jumpy when stuff actually happened. Not proud of it, but I soldiered on so P and I could watch them together) Been sleeping a lot worse than usual, but feeling less tired. I must stop napping during the day.
In other news... I'm getting a bit excited about graduation. I know it is still a while off yet though.... Been watching SATC for the past 5 or 6 weeks. It caters to the typical girl, and I refrained from watching it for so long for no real reason.. so I decided to start watching it. It basically revolves around 4 women and their (dys)functional relationships; it lets me laugh/cringe at their mistakes or relationships, and reminds me how good I have it. Been instructed to watch True Blood, which I thought I downloaded over the summer.... Obviously not as I cannot find it, unless it's hidden in another file. Of all the 110GB of things I downloaded (seriously no idea how this happened), I must have downloaded it, right? I made a list of things I wanted to watch and I'm 90% sure TB was on it. There's also Being Erica, Accidentally on Purpose, Scrubs, Jane Eyre, Rome, Merlin, The IT Crowd.... and many other films.
It's a bit weird to go from seeing my friends every day during the Pathology course to just once or twice a week if that. So glad I have free texting so I can keep in contact with them. Otherwise, I'd get friend deficient. A lot of meetings are chance encounters or finding out we're based at the same site that day or whatever.
R and I were talking about TV shows and characters who were like our friends last night... It moved from Scrubs to The Big Bang Theory... and it made me think, there are lots of TV shows whose characters are ones we can relate to, as they are like ourselves, or like people we know. Friends is a good one as it covers many aspects of personalities, so that people can have Joey traits or Monica traits or whatever. Very interesting. We started watching The Ugly Truth, but generally, I find it hard to like Gerard Butler's characters in films he has been in that I have seen. So then we started watching Burn After Reading which was a bit serious, and felt like two separate films with tenuous links and I felt like it was trying to hard to tick the right boxes for "what makes a good film". I think we stopped when George Clooney finds out his wife wants a divorce, and I'm not sure I'd watch the rest. Then we watched Scary Movie 2, which is a film that requires no thought and no need to concentrate. I think I need to not drink when I'm trying to watch a film. Or when I'm trying to walk.
Love this song: Rob Thomas looks so different!
I'm on a Paediatric attachment at the moment, and have spent this past week in community paediatrics. "Paed" means 'child' in Greek, I believe, and the 'iatro' part means medical caused, or doctor, or treating. I studied Latin for 2 years, and 'paed' has an analogous meaning, and I can sort of see why people might think "paediatrics" is a Latin derived word. I loved studying languages, and I wish sometimes that I had kept them all up. People ask me sometimes what I would do if I wasn't doing my chosen degree. I would have to say it would be something to do with French. I loved studying it and I try to keep some French vocabulary in my normal vocabulary, which is why some of my texts have French words in.
Anyway, community paediatrics has been very interesting, a real eye opener. Previously, I wasn't aware of the community's role in the holistic care of the child, and there are many people behind the scenes involved in a child's care. It's a bit heartbreaking to see children's illness firsthand, in a chronic longterm sort of way. We all have ideals and ways that we think things should be. We saw some cases where foster carers were bringing their children into clinic, with varying results. I find it hard to believe that someone could neglect their child, although the reasons are often multifactorial.
Studying Paediatrics also allows me to see patterns linking behaviours, and the like. I can't really explain this without giving examples which would reveal who I am talking about. Reading psychology and thought process books has not been in vain - it has real life applications.. at least for me!
P's secondary supervisor's wife is from Brazil, and she is a paediatrician. He says it makes her more paranoid about the symptoms that her children have. I think I would be like that. I don't think I could marry a (medical) doctor. Whilst it is good to find a vocation that you enjoy and that does not become your whole life, it's beneficial to escape from work life a little bit sometimes, and I think by marrying a medical doctor, it would keep me more in the mindset of work more often. I don't want to burn out.. even now there are days when I just want to be lazy and not dress up and just lounge around in my tracksuit bottoms and a tank top and tie my hair up in a bun and sit in bed with some books. Another good point of dating someone who's not a medic is that I have the ability to bring something to the relationship. Many of you who know me know of P's stories and all his experiences, and it is concentrated when we are together. So it is good that there is something that I can teach him.
The weather has been very on and off of recent, which bothers me as I don't react well to fluctuations in temperature. I think I just respond to temperature badly anyway, I find it hard to adjust my body temperature to that of my environment. And I can't work out if it's better for me to be too cold or to be too hot. :/
Been reading 'Generation Kill' which is by Evan Wright, a reporter who was with Rolling Stone during the Iraq War *cough*. I am not sure if he still works there, but to my knowledge, the TV series was faithful to the book. And also, Wright was allowed such insight in exchange for not using his satellite phone to stay in contact with his editor. But I think it's one of those books that benefits from having a TV series.. and the fact that I have already watched it makes the book for easier understanding. Because of its faithfullness, it doesn't matter which one I read/saw first. Normally, military/combat type stuff is not for me, as I get jumpy and don't enjoy suspense. (I had to read the full synopsis of the first 2 seasons of 24 before we watched them, with everything broken down so I wouldn't get jumpy when stuff actually happened. Not proud of it, but I soldiered on so P and I could watch them together) Been sleeping a lot worse than usual, but feeling less tired. I must stop napping during the day.
In other news... I'm getting a bit excited about graduation. I know it is still a while off yet though.... Been watching SATC for the past 5 or 6 weeks. It caters to the typical girl, and I refrained from watching it for so long for no real reason.. so I decided to start watching it. It basically revolves around 4 women and their (dys)functional relationships; it lets me laugh/cringe at their mistakes or relationships, and reminds me how good I have it. Been instructed to watch True Blood, which I thought I downloaded over the summer.... Obviously not as I cannot find it, unless it's hidden in another file. Of all the 110GB of things I downloaded (seriously no idea how this happened), I must have downloaded it, right? I made a list of things I wanted to watch and I'm 90% sure TB was on it. There's also Being Erica, Accidentally on Purpose, Scrubs, Jane Eyre, Rome, Merlin, The IT Crowd.... and many other films.
It's a bit weird to go from seeing my friends every day during the Pathology course to just once or twice a week if that. So glad I have free texting so I can keep in contact with them. Otherwise, I'd get friend deficient. A lot of meetings are chance encounters or finding out we're based at the same site that day or whatever.
R and I were talking about TV shows and characters who were like our friends last night... It moved from Scrubs to The Big Bang Theory... and it made me think, there are lots of TV shows whose characters are ones we can relate to, as they are like ourselves, or like people we know. Friends is a good one as it covers many aspects of personalities, so that people can have Joey traits or Monica traits or whatever. Very interesting. We started watching The Ugly Truth, but generally, I find it hard to like Gerard Butler's characters in films he has been in that I have seen. So then we started watching Burn After Reading which was a bit serious, and felt like two separate films with tenuous links and I felt like it was trying to hard to tick the right boxes for "what makes a good film". I think we stopped when George Clooney finds out his wife wants a divorce, and I'm not sure I'd watch the rest. Then we watched Scary Movie 2, which is a film that requires no thought and no need to concentrate. I think I need to not drink when I'm trying to watch a film. Or when I'm trying to walk.
Love this song: Rob Thomas looks so different!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
baby don't you realise how beautiful you really are
Several things.
Firstly, another dream!
It was after school, on a sort of clody day, and I was walking with T and S to the school buses; T and I used to get buses from the other side of the road, and for some reason I was walking her to hers... It was 4pm and the buses were leaving at 4.10pm so I left them, and turned back and left and went to mine. I was stuck behind S and F, whom I didn't really like that much so overtook them and got to my bus. I was part of the "back of the bus" crowd, but there was hardly anyone there.. just P and L, and L's "evil twin". They were all sat apart on the backseat (5 seats) and very silent.. so I sat in the middle and asked them what was up. L's evil twin was doing odd and mean things to P and L, and he took some sort of gas and oil and sprayed it on and between my legs, and he was making P cry.
Then he went to L's younger sister, who was sat near the front of the bus, and told her that L disowned her and this made her cry :( Then L's evil twin seemed to have spent his rage and sort of disappeared, and then L said to me, "thankyou", and I said that I hadn't done anything.. like, literally nothing, but then he went, "if you hadn't had showed up, this wouldn't have happened", by which I think he meant that he was glad his evil twin was gone, and then I was like, "I know".
Then it was the next school day and I was sat in a classroom with S, T and F, the former two were the ones I walked to the school buses with. We were talking about books, and I had one in my bag that I needed to return to S, and I told her I still had "the claw" book ("the claw" said the Toy Story way) which I would return to her at a later date.
Then it was time for assembly, but my class was late, so we went to get the prayer books and opened the back doors for the stage where we were meant to be sat, and where we would sneak to, but it was the prayer time, and I hoped they didn't hear us making any sound opening and closing the doors. We rushed back to our classroom, trying to think of some excuse for us missing assembly. Then our form teacher, Mr L, was flirting with S :/
Very weird. I rarely dream of my friends, old or new.. I feel like my dreams tend to be very very odd, and so any semblance of normalness worries me.. so that's probably why you get random "how are you" messages if I don't see you much.
----
Secondly, a letter
Day 3: to your parents & Day 4: to my sibling (or closest relative)
Dear mummy and daddy and A,
Every child who has a good relationship with their parents believes they are the best parents in the world, although this is very subjective. I am no different, yet I would like to say that you are the best parents for me. There is nothing I could write that would express my gratitude and love and there's probably nothing I can do to show it, except be the best person I can be :) And A, we've had many ups and downs and I'd like to think that with our parents' love and guidance, we have become so much closer these past couple of years, closer than I thought we would be as siblings: I like it. With love, 女
----
I hate shopping. When I purposely go out to look for clothes, I can never find anything I like. How I have so many is beyond me, I have no idea how I come by so much when I can't find anything or the things don't fit! Sometimes I hate my body shape, because a lot of the time I can't find things that fit properly. Maybe I should shop like a man, and research things before I go to buy.
I went to see the new Twilight film; it was very good and an accurate representation of the book, but it was really cheesy in some bits, and it was annoying when little teenage girls were cheering when Jacob came on :/ I liked it though - the fighting was good and I wasn't as annoyed by Kristen Stewart's poor acting skills as in the first two films. Before going out, I spoke to P via facebook chat - a rarity in itself - and he thought I was so eager to see it because I had no angst in my life and no drama, and that the film would be my fill of emotional angst.
Been watching Wimbledon and reading lots.. and having long naps. Been reading Xiaxue's blog as well, and started watching Sex and the City to see what the fuss was about. Pathology starts tomorrow - there are, like, 7 or 8 lectures :( I hope it's not too hot! A bit excited to see my friends again :) Although, I am not so sure my note taking ability is as good as it used to be. I mean, I write using a pen quite a bit but I don't write quickly or anything.
Friday, May 14, 2010
now it seems to me that you know just what to say
 |
| in that lonely time, you told me to be stronger (dA: curioso) |
So I'm up doing some stuff at the moment, various bits and pieces, so it occurred to me that I hadn't written here for ages. Thank you to all those people who keep checking back constantly to see if there's a new post! I just felt that after posting every day in April, I'd lost my blogging ability. It got hard for a while trying to decide what to blog about... seriously, my life is not that exciting, or interesting. So I thought I'd take a break, pursue other writing interests and also use that time to focus on my uni work. But it's late, I'm not working right now, I thought I'd take a few minutes to write here!
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
but words are only words,
can you show me something else?
can you swear to me that you'll always be this way,
show me how you feel, more than ever
Saturday, April 24, 2010
medical school
For those of you that care, I applied for Medicine for entry straight after sixth form. It never occurred to me to take a gap year. I applied to Oxford, Manchester, Leeds and the one where I am now. The foremost was upon recommendation of my school; they told me I had a better chance of getting into Oxbridge if it were itno the prefix, rather than the suffix. Anyway, I got rejected, in that order, and my current uni's interview was last. Prior to applying through UCAS, I went to Medsim, a practical version of Medlink, where we had the option of sitting an entrance exam for the First Faculty of Medicine at Charles University, in Prague. It was multiple choice, focussing on Biology, Chemistry and Physics. All my friends did it, so I did too, for a laugh. Needless to say, I did NOT know most of the stuff (and still didn't by the end of A2) so I guessed around 60% of the answers, using a combination of elimination or sheer "which answer have I not used for a while?" (I am totally serious!)
The exams got marked overnight, and the next day there was the list of names of people who were given an "interview" and therefore a place. I was near the end (like, 23rd of 25 people who were interviewed). I got a place, and didn't need to consider it until my very last interview via UCAS.
Everything worked out and I am now here.
A few months ago, I met a girl via a workshop, and kept in touch with her because I saw her potential, but she wasn't using it, because I think she didn't know she had more potential. I met her just that once: I mock interviewed her as part of a panel for about 10 minutes, and we've kept in email touch. She's been rejected from all her medicine applications, which I am both angry about and upset about, and I think her two back up options (not sure). I feel so bad for her, because I can't tell her what to do (she has a few options of where to proceed from here) but I don't want her to not do medicine.
I'll feel like I've failed her if I don't help her get into medicine. I've never seen someone so determined (er, other than myself..) and I can't believe she hasn't gotten a place thusfar. And it made me think of me, four years ago exactly, when I was worried about not having a plan after A2 exams. She really deserves it as well: she had a strong application and strong grades.
It just made me think about when I was applying. I never really realised just how difficult it was. I mean, I knew there was competition but I naively thought that everyone would get a place somewhere. It was only until I got three rejections that it hit me that I might not get to see my dream realised.
I really want this girl to be a medic, more than anyone I've helped with this in the past. She's obviously academically able, as her predicted grades are stellar, and she's got lots of extracurricular stuff going on and she seems genuinely lovely.
I really hope she gets there.
The exams got marked overnight, and the next day there was the list of names of people who were given an "interview" and therefore a place. I was near the end (like, 23rd of 25 people who were interviewed). I got a place, and didn't need to consider it until my very last interview via UCAS.
Everything worked out and I am now here.
A few months ago, I met a girl via a workshop, and kept in touch with her because I saw her potential, but she wasn't using it, because I think she didn't know she had more potential. I met her just that once: I mock interviewed her as part of a panel for about 10 minutes, and we've kept in email touch. She's been rejected from all her medicine applications, which I am both angry about and upset about, and I think her two back up options (not sure). I feel so bad for her, because I can't tell her what to do (she has a few options of where to proceed from here) but I don't want her to not do medicine.
I'll feel like I've failed her if I don't help her get into medicine. I've never seen someone so determined (er, other than myself..) and I can't believe she hasn't gotten a place thusfar. And it made me think of me, four years ago exactly, when I was worried about not having a plan after A2 exams. She really deserves it as well: she had a strong application and strong grades.
It just made me think about when I was applying. I never really realised just how difficult it was. I mean, I knew there was competition but I naively thought that everyone would get a place somewhere. It was only until I got three rejections that it hit me that I might not get to see my dream realised.
I really want this girl to be a medic, more than anyone I've helped with this in the past. She's obviously academically able, as her predicted grades are stellar, and she's got lots of extracurricular stuff going on and she seems genuinely lovely.
I really hope she gets there.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
tell me... why'd you have to make things so complicated?
Having a My Chemical Romance rediscovery. I used to really like them, I have all their albums and used to play the newest one all the time when it came out. As time goes by, I think I become less and less musically open minded. I find I have less time to listen to music and thus don't. I mean, I know mainstream music, and I youtube a lot of things but it still doesn't feel the same somehow. I dislike how music can define people. Grunge, pop and rock music can define what people wear, and how they react to different situations, and that concept is something I find odd. Just because you listen to music symbolising one thing doesn't mean you have to figurise it in the way you dress.
And onto a slightly different note, why do the majority of people at my uni dress in neutral or dark colors?
And onto a slightly different note, why do the majority of people at my uni dress in neutral or dark colors?
Saturday, December 26, 2009
i just want you for my own...
I haven't written in a while, due to several reasons. Firstly, I had a poster presentation to work for, and a busy last week of term. My poster was on the global burden of disease of Haemophilus influenzae type b) and we were all nervous... :/ It went well though, and that's one coursework out of the way for this module. Anyway, afterwards, we went to A's and watched Moulin Rouge which I liked; very musical although the ending was a bit... odd. She dies and then he writes a story... kinda a bit anti-climactic though I guess the climax is when she dies? A's flat is beautiful though.. very spacious and open and big too!!! I want a flat like that. We wanted to watch He's Just Not That Into You, based on a dating advice book, which I didn't much care for, because a) I don't need dating advice and b) I find those self help type books boring and a bit too New Age-y for me. But the disc I burnt it on wasn't recognised by A's DVD player :( .... another time though.
Had a lovely Christmas... we had a lovely Christmas lunch and some family time. That's what Christmas means to me: a day to spend time with your family. We don't give presents, especially not anymore. It makes me very sad how everything is becoming commercialised... I don't believe in that. If I need something, it doesn't get dressed up as a present from my parents unless it's my birthday. Since when did the birth of Jesus become a day where people eat way too much and fight to buy the best presents? Now whilst I never claimed to be religious, I still think we should respect all religions. And Christmas Day is a day where Christians across the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I don't think that Jesus would have advocated the mass commercialisation of Christmas, how everything becomes about the presents and/or getting drunk... how Black Friday marks the start of the Christmas season in America... how Selfridge's set up a Christmas display in August. It's crazy and blown totally out of proportion. What would have our ancestors thought?
So, didn't get presents.. standard. I don't really get them anymore and I have been slacking on the "buy the boyfriend gifts" front, though to be fair, he didn't get me anything either. We've both been so busy, he with his trips away and thesising post-doctoring and earning £2000 on the side, and I with my tons of work and domestic stuff.
Braved the sales today. I got this coat... been wanting it for ages.
Got some brown boots, and some books. :) No new phone yet, but am reachable still.. using my mummy's phone. My sister was looking for a dress today, so I thought I'd try some on. Got excited when I fit into a size 4 one, then my mummy turned to say, "yeah, don't trust what it says on the label, it's different in different shops". And before you go on at me for the size 4 thing.. don't.
Er... this post has been edited over several days, not sure if I mentioned this: been working lots. I have this guilt that I carry around with me if I skip a day of uni related work, and P has long been witness to this behaviour. I guess it was the way I was brought up: my parents encouraged me to put studying and education before everything else, even health, such that I was never allowed to take a day off school when I was younger. Not that I had any inclination to. It never occurred to me that I could say, "mommmm, I feel so illlll, pleeease let me have a day off school?" And obviously I skipped lectures in first year of uni, maybe about 10? And lots in second year, but all was in cause of doing my own work. And yes yes, during firms I skipped a tiny bit (haha) in favour of doing my own work and finding people to practice examinations on.
So I try to do at least a tiny bit everyday (even Christmas Day... I wrote something up). I hate feeling like this. And consequently during the summer (which has ever only been my time off uni/school - I used to revise during Christmas and Easter at school too - I feel so... bored. Thankful for the time off, and yet bored. So I do little projects. (NON work related, I hasten to add!)
Am I weird...? :-( I am going to blame the Chinese work ethic. For as long as I remember, my parents always gave everything they did 110%. I never used to understand it when people would say, "oh I gave it 110%" or some number >100. But I really do now. Pushing yourself beyond what you know and think you can do. Because, if someone else can do it, you can do it too. :-)
I mean, I try to take time off. During term, I would take Saturday morning and afternoon off and go out. That's enough right?
Feel like my posts are so rambly and boring... I need to increase my readership, over 0. Oh, I found something on the BBC describing this decade in 100 words and in a portrait. For my part, 2009 has shown me, in very loose phrases, just who my real friends are, and just what I am capable of. I shall try and write once more before 2009 is over, and explain in further detail.
xo
Had a lovely Christmas... we had a lovely Christmas lunch and some family time. That's what Christmas means to me: a day to spend time with your family. We don't give presents, especially not anymore. It makes me very sad how everything is becoming commercialised... I don't believe in that. If I need something, it doesn't get dressed up as a present from my parents unless it's my birthday. Since when did the birth of Jesus become a day where people eat way too much and fight to buy the best presents? Now whilst I never claimed to be religious, I still think we should respect all religions. And Christmas Day is a day where Christians across the world celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. I don't think that Jesus would have advocated the mass commercialisation of Christmas, how everything becomes about the presents and/or getting drunk... how Black Friday marks the start of the Christmas season in America... how Selfridge's set up a Christmas display in August. It's crazy and blown totally out of proportion. What would have our ancestors thought?
So, didn't get presents.. standard. I don't really get them anymore and I have been slacking on the "buy the boyfriend gifts" front, though to be fair, he didn't get me anything either. We've both been so busy, he with his trips away and thesising post-doctoring and earning £2000 on the side, and I with my tons of work and domestic stuff.
Braved the sales today. I got this coat... been wanting it for ages.
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| (C) Carol, October 2009 |
Er... this post has been edited over several days, not sure if I mentioned this: been working lots. I have this guilt that I carry around with me if I skip a day of uni related work, and P has long been witness to this behaviour. I guess it was the way I was brought up: my parents encouraged me to put studying and education before everything else, even health, such that I was never allowed to take a day off school when I was younger. Not that I had any inclination to. It never occurred to me that I could say, "mommmm, I feel so illlll, pleeease let me have a day off school?" And obviously I skipped lectures in first year of uni, maybe about 10? And lots in second year, but all was in cause of doing my own work. And yes yes, during firms I skipped a tiny bit (haha) in favour of doing my own work and finding people to practice examinations on.
So I try to do at least a tiny bit everyday (even Christmas Day... I wrote something up). I hate feeling like this. And consequently during the summer (which has ever only been my time off uni/school - I used to revise during Christmas and Easter at school too - I feel so... bored. Thankful for the time off, and yet bored. So I do little projects. (NON work related, I hasten to add!)
Am I weird...? :-( I am going to blame the Chinese work ethic. For as long as I remember, my parents always gave everything they did 110%. I never used to understand it when people would say, "oh I gave it 110%" or some number >100. But I really do now. Pushing yourself beyond what you know and think you can do. Because, if someone else can do it, you can do it too. :-)
I mean, I try to take time off. During term, I would take Saturday morning and afternoon off and go out. That's enough right?
Feel like my posts are so rambly and boring... I need to increase my readership, over 0. Oh, I found something on the BBC describing this decade in 100 words and in a portrait. For my part, 2009 has shown me, in very loose phrases, just who my real friends are, and just what I am capable of. I shall try and write once more before 2009 is over, and explain in further detail.
xo
Sunday, November 29, 2009
"it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?"
Haven't written about what's going on in my life, instead writing about what I want, or my odd dreams (they are only a select few. Believe me, there are more). I can't remember if I mentioned already, but one year of my course is taken up by a compulsory BSc, consisting of lectures and a project. Module 2 has just finished; how time flies!
Saw New Moon on Friday; I watched the first film and then read all the books, so everytime I was reading, I would imagine the actors and actresses as the characters. And I think I was building myself up for something bigger and better than it actually was. For people who hadn't read the books, it left a lot unanswered and it didn't explain things very well. Kristen Stewart has not progressed as an actress, neither has Robert Pattinson as an actor. It was good, but superficially so. I did like it, it was a good film but it could have been better, ya know?
It was P's viva on Friday. Let me stop and explain first. I have recently become aware of people reading this blog who are not my friends, and who I do not know. So that means they may well be using a search engine, or clicking next blog, and may not know what I am talking about. A viva is the final step before receiving a doctorate, short of graduation. A doctorate in research is the highest degree an academic institution offers, and the degree allows the student to become a more independent researcher. You essentially write a book, and are orally examined after submission. There is soft pressure to submit within 3 years - the time you get funding - and the hard deadline is 4 years. Hardly anyone submits within 3 years, but P did, thus becoming the second person in his group to do so, the first being over 10 years ago. He passed his viva, with very minimal corrections (of the find and replace variety) such that they hardly count. Now he is a doctor!!
I know that an academic doctor means something different to a medical doctor, and layperson knowledge would place the latter above the former, but it's not true. Medical doctors can become Members and Fellows of Colleges, but the most prestigious degree a university offers is a Doctor of Philosophy. (The Philosophy in this case being Numerical Analysis and Computational Physics, and Galerkin Projections and anisotropy.)
To me, it means less if medical doctors try to get PhD's. It looks like they just want to solidify their credentials, purely by adding extra letters to the end of their name.
But I am very proud of P; he is now a Doctor, a title less easily stripped than that of the medical variety. I guess the next steps are post-doc-ship, Readership, then Fellowship and then FRS-ship, the latter being a very prestigious title. (I don't know how to spell prestigious). So one day, there might be a Doctor P FRS :)
Not much else... just lots of work being done... er, it was C's party last weekend in Harrow; was very fun and so good to see her after so long. Been watching 24 recently; the first two seasons. At first I hated the way that questions were left so unanswered, as if it were Lost-esque, but I found that by reading full plot lines and synopses, I could enjoy it fully. I hate suspense and violence and people dying. Unfortunately, this seems to be what 24 is full of, so I need to read ahead before I watch it. Sad, I know.
xo
Err.. since when did Leighton Meester sing????
Monday, October 26, 2009
play until midnight
I see by reading Dessa's blog that I am Miss Pink! :D I guess it's because I'm a girly girl. We went to a restaurant on Edgware Road last week, to a place called Abu Zaad, where she ordered in Arabic, which I thought was pretty cool. I'm not confident enough in my Chinese speaking ability to be able to order in a restaurant. The food was yummy, and very well priced. It was good to have a chat and see peolle I hadn't seen for a little while. With the use of N's iphone, we were able to look at facebook and hot friends. Sadly, I could not think of any :(
It was graduation last week; went along as I was in the library and SAF. Saw many people in their gowns, saw a few friends and familiar faces... I can't wait to graduate!
I have done much work this week... lectures and the like, reading and writing... I feel a bit overwhelmed by the first module. Although, when I started my placements last year at NP and CX, I had lots of information thrown at me at one time, so it seemed stressful but going through it, it wasn't too bad. I am hoping that that is what this year will be like.
Went to see the new Heath Ledger film. Yes I have referred to it as this, because
a) if I say "The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassuss" most people won't know what I mean
b) everyone knows who Heath Ledger is
c) it's easier to say
It was good because it was very different. All the characters were played very well. Tom Waits was an excellent Devil, and Lily Cole was great as Valentina. She has an alien like look about her, which is probably why she got scouted. I love her though. She's very pretty. But the story kinda.... I didn't understand what happened in one bit, where the Devil and Valentina are dancing, and then she goes through the wrong door.
Had a general knowledge quiz from P the other night, as he asked me how did I rate my general knowledge. He then proceeded to ask me what I thought were specialist knowledge questions. It made me feel a little dumb, but I think I'm happier with someone who knows much more than I do. My one general knowledge question for him.. he got wrong though. I at least got a few right.
It has become insanely cold and I realise that I am totally not prepared. What have i done for the past three years then? I must have worn something! But now I look at my wardrobe and all I can see is summery stuff.
Went to buy a travelcard from the station except the student part of my student oyster got cancelled... Because I have a young persons railcard, I am entitled to an extra 33% off from daily price capping, so I had it loaded a few weeks ago. Today, the lady charged me almost £65 for a travelcard (was almost painful!) and told me to ring the oyster helpline.
So the man was not useful at all; told me to go back to the station and transfer the travelcard to another oyster (which I had to pay for) and then wait for a new oyster in the post. Anyway. The long and short of it was that the man who loaded the YP railcard CANCELLED my student discount on my STUDENT OYSTER (I was not even aware such a thing is POSSIBLE before the expiry date!!) but I was helped by a very nice ticket agent who
a) gave me a full refund, even though he said I'd lose £3.40
b) reloaded my student discount
c) fixed the railcard problem!
Say what you like about TfL and the buses that are delayed and tube strikes and tube maintenance at weekends, and rude staff, and crazy prices (er, actually, that's a lot to complain about) but my opinion has totally changed. I didn't lose any money, it only took an hour to sort out (half of that was on the phone and half of that phone time was waiting in a queue!) so I went home and wrote a thankyou comment on the TfL website, and requested that it be sent to the man who helped me.
I am sooo glad I have 3 years (including this one!) of studentship to go :) Discounts, no council tax, cheap stuff, free stuff, cheap transport.... YAY! =)
What else..... I think I am ill. But in that halfway house phase where I know I have symptoms but nothing that's outwardly obvious so no one believes me. I would just like to be ill already and get it over with. Ooh, that reminds me. I have not done those note things for a while... maybe soon.
Been looking for more girly films to download, and also want to expand my nail polish collection. It's currently 2. :( So I shall publish my Christmas wishlist very soon.
It was graduation last week; went along as I was in the library and SAF. Saw many people in their gowns, saw a few friends and familiar faces... I can't wait to graduate!
I have done much work this week... lectures and the like, reading and writing... I feel a bit overwhelmed by the first module. Although, when I started my placements last year at NP and CX, I had lots of information thrown at me at one time, so it seemed stressful but going through it, it wasn't too bad. I am hoping that that is what this year will be like.
Went to see the new Heath Ledger film. Yes I have referred to it as this, because
a) if I say "The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassuss" most people won't know what I mean
b) everyone knows who Heath Ledger is
c) it's easier to say
It was good because it was very different. All the characters were played very well. Tom Waits was an excellent Devil, and Lily Cole was great as Valentina. She has an alien like look about her, which is probably why she got scouted. I love her though. She's very pretty. But the story kinda.... I didn't understand what happened in one bit, where the Devil and Valentina are dancing, and then she goes through the wrong door.
Had a general knowledge quiz from P the other night, as he asked me how did I rate my general knowledge. He then proceeded to ask me what I thought were specialist knowledge questions. It made me feel a little dumb, but I think I'm happier with someone who knows much more than I do. My one general knowledge question for him.. he got wrong though. I at least got a few right.
It has become insanely cold and I realise that I am totally not prepared. What have i done for the past three years then? I must have worn something! But now I look at my wardrobe and all I can see is summery stuff.
Went to buy a travelcard from the station except the student part of my student oyster got cancelled... Because I have a young persons railcard, I am entitled to an extra 33% off from daily price capping, so I had it loaded a few weeks ago. Today, the lady charged me almost £65 for a travelcard (was almost painful!) and told me to ring the oyster helpline.
So the man was not useful at all; told me to go back to the station and transfer the travelcard to another oyster (which I had to pay for) and then wait for a new oyster in the post. Anyway. The long and short of it was that the man who loaded the YP railcard CANCELLED my student discount on my STUDENT OYSTER (I was not even aware such a thing is POSSIBLE before the expiry date!!) but I was helped by a very nice ticket agent who
a) gave me a full refund, even though he said I'd lose £3.40
b) reloaded my student discount
c) fixed the railcard problem!
Say what you like about TfL and the buses that are delayed and tube strikes and tube maintenance at weekends, and rude staff, and crazy prices (er, actually, that's a lot to complain about) but my opinion has totally changed. I didn't lose any money, it only took an hour to sort out (half of that was on the phone and half of that phone time was waiting in a queue!) so I went home and wrote a thankyou comment on the TfL website, and requested that it be sent to the man who helped me.
I am sooo glad I have 3 years (including this one!) of studentship to go :) Discounts, no council tax, cheap stuff, free stuff, cheap transport.... YAY! =)
What else..... I think I am ill. But in that halfway house phase where I know I have symptoms but nothing that's outwardly obvious so no one believes me. I would just like to be ill already and get it over with. Ooh, that reminds me. I have not done those note things for a while... maybe soon.
Been looking for more girly films to download, and also want to expand my nail polish collection. It's currently 2. :( So I shall publish my Christmas wishlist very soon.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
i've been a bit of a mystery...
Sorry I haven't updated in a while... I feel like I haven't written for ages. Usually, I queue up posts, and publish them at a scheduled later date. I mean, for more frequent updates, check my twitter or talk to me!! I had my first Belly Dancing session today; it was free because it was to garner interest. I went with Isma; I loved it!!! It was really fun :D I wouldn't say easy as the instructor would do one thing with her hips to one rhythm and do something else with her hands to another rhythm and that confused me a bit as it made me want to do it in synchrony. I guess it comes down to practice. So then after the session, I and I went to buy membership and a block of classes. So I can get fit.. and learn... how to dance? Except I'd never show anybody.
Been working away, lectures and essays and critical appraisals. My course organiser gave us the bare minimum of guidance for the critical appraisal.. in that he told us what it was and what people do in them. It was difficult. Essay... er... yeah. Work... going okay.
No crazy dreams that I remember. Been feeling REALLY cold lately. Had to sleep with both my duvets over me (I better add here that I have two duvets on my bed. Well technically three. There's one that goes on the mattress and under the fitted sheet, because it's better for my back and traps heat in it. Then I have a single one for my own personal use because I (apparently) get territorial when I sleep. And the third is the normal one that matches the pillowcases, it's a double) and a thick blanket. And I got really grumpy last night when P tried to move as he let cold air in! And the radiator was on full blast as well.
Despite not having finished a book I am reading at the moment: The Girl Next Door by Elizabeth Noble, I am looking for more books to read :) Is Dan Brown's new one any good? I guess I'll wikipedia it...
A, I and I had a really fun conversation today at lunch... we reminisced about firms and OSCE's and about O&G and sections and deliveries... and then I randomly came out with "when do you think is the best time to get married?" Because in our intended career, it is difficult to take long lengths of time out for your own personal use... everything is career oriented. You have a duty to your staff and to your patients. For anyone, there is never a right time to get married... not an alarm that goes off that tells you when it's time to get married. But for female doctors it is harder. Because we have to balance a work and family lifestyle, involving children.
So we discussed when was the most suitable time to get married, and when to have children... and other career like things. After all, these decisions will become pertinent to us in a few years. Anju and I were quite good friends in first year and then we kind of drifted away a bit. But because now we are both doing the same BSc, I feel like I have gotten to know her again :-D
Having never been to a wedding ever, I have taken it upon myself to ask many people I know to get married, in the hope that I get to go to their wedding. And NO, it does not count if I go to my own wedding. It's different. I wouldn't get to check out everyone's outfits and gossip, because I'd be expected to smile and cry at the right times, and look radiant. So if you know me and are reading this, please would you get married? I'm not saying go out and marry the first person you see... just... get a girl/boyfriend, date for awhile and then marry. P is of the age where many of his friends are getting married. But I am not yet, but I want to go to weddings! I want to be a bridesmaid or wear pretty dresses.
Gave the new BLG album a listen a couple of weekends ago. I really love it. My new favourite song is "Chemicals Collide" because it has a lovely meaning.
Er.... what else is there to say? No real gossip of noteworthy news, meeting up with friends tomorrow, need a coat...
I made a Christmas wishlist a few days ago too!!!! It is not long or extensive, 75% of it being books (there are 4 things on it so far).... I never know if it's okay to give Christmas presents to my friends... I suspect they'd never go for it, and I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want to be the only one to give presents and not to receive any... and then I'd look strange as all my friends would be like "why is she giving me a present?"
Been working away, lectures and essays and critical appraisals. My course organiser gave us the bare minimum of guidance for the critical appraisal.. in that he told us what it was and what people do in them. It was difficult. Essay... er... yeah. Work... going okay.
No crazy dreams that I remember. Been feeling REALLY cold lately. Had to sleep with both my duvets over me (I better add here that I have two duvets on my bed. Well technically three. There's one that goes on the mattress and under the fitted sheet, because it's better for my back and traps heat in it. Then I have a single one for my own personal use because I (apparently) get territorial when I sleep. And the third is the normal one that matches the pillowcases, it's a double) and a thick blanket. And I got really grumpy last night when P tried to move as he let cold air in! And the radiator was on full blast as well.
Despite not having finished a book I am reading at the moment: The Girl Next Door by Elizabeth Noble, I am looking for more books to read :) Is Dan Brown's new one any good? I guess I'll wikipedia it...
A, I and I had a really fun conversation today at lunch... we reminisced about firms and OSCE's and about O&G and sections and deliveries... and then I randomly came out with "when do you think is the best time to get married?" Because in our intended career, it is difficult to take long lengths of time out for your own personal use... everything is career oriented. You have a duty to your staff and to your patients. For anyone, there is never a right time to get married... not an alarm that goes off that tells you when it's time to get married. But for female doctors it is harder. Because we have to balance a work and family lifestyle, involving children.
So we discussed when was the most suitable time to get married, and when to have children... and other career like things. After all, these decisions will become pertinent to us in a few years. Anju and I were quite good friends in first year and then we kind of drifted away a bit. But because now we are both doing the same BSc, I feel like I have gotten to know her again :-D
Having never been to a wedding ever, I have taken it upon myself to ask many people I know to get married, in the hope that I get to go to their wedding. And NO, it does not count if I go to my own wedding. It's different. I wouldn't get to check out everyone's outfits and gossip, because I'd be expected to smile and cry at the right times, and look radiant. So if you know me and are reading this, please would you get married? I'm not saying go out and marry the first person you see... just... get a girl/boyfriend, date for awhile and then marry. P is of the age where many of his friends are getting married. But I am not yet, but I want to go to weddings! I want to be a bridesmaid or wear pretty dresses.
Gave the new BLG album a listen a couple of weekends ago. I really love it. My new favourite song is "Chemicals Collide" because it has a lovely meaning.
Er.... what else is there to say? No real gossip of noteworthy news, meeting up with friends tomorrow, need a coat...
I made a Christmas wishlist a few days ago too!!!! It is not long or extensive, 75% of it being books (there are 4 things on it so far).... I never know if it's okay to give Christmas presents to my friends... I suspect they'd never go for it, and I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want to be the only one to give presents and not to receive any... and then I'd look strange as all my friends would be like "why is she giving me a present?"
i've got a couple of addictions,
but i swear that i'm coming clean;
i've got a new way of thinking,
yeah you're bringing out the best in me
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