an Alexei affair

This is definitely one of the more bizarre dreams of late.  I was in this sort of search party, looking for 'the lost house', and this old lady was showing us the way.  We were in this sort of.. town, on a side road, and we were in one house and we needed to go upstairs for some reason.  The person who mandated the search was a Lady-Gaga-alike with a huge brown fur coat on.


For some reason, this old lady decided we needed to go the long way around (which she did not make obvious to anyone else but me) because she needed to show me something.  Exactly what it was, I didn't work it out until near the end of my dream story.  So instead of just going up some stairs to go upstairs, we were going "down to go up", which involved going down this huge set of steps.  Through the windows on the way down, I could see into other people's houses, with candles burning in their windows.  After what seemed like such a long time, we finally made it to the bottom, but then the old lady told us to be prepared for what was outside.  She and I stepped out into this huge fountain, submersing ourselves but quickly getting out.  After walking and talking with her, I sort of had the feeling she needed me to do something for me, or to prevent the Lady Gaga-alike from reaching somewhere.  We were a little distance ahead, and I realised we were now in the backyard/garden of the house we had gone into at first.  We crossed the road, and then went towards a set of houses which were on the main road, across from the first house.  I then remarked, "don't you think she'll get mad once she realises that we could have just gone along the main road?"


The old lady then picked up speed, and told me to make towards the second house with blue leaves and pink flowers all over it.  (There was another one a couple of doors from the one we were heading towards).  The rest of the party were behind, having been drenched in their heavy clothing as they entered the fountain so I knew that we could make it to this house.  This house seemed to have some sort of importance, as well as being the old lady's home, and I sort of got that feeling as I stood behind her, and she tried to find the right key to fit the door.  Even though I knew the others were quite a way behind, I still had that sense of urgency, silently willing her to hurry up in case the others caught up with us suddenly.


We went in, and she locked the door with 3 different keys, and we reached a second door which was peach coloured, with another lock which she unlocked for me, then locked after herself as she closed the door.  I still didn't grasp the importance of what was going on, but as we made our way to the basement, she told me that the LG-alike wanted this house, and I needed to protect it from her: I had to stop her from taking it, and I was going to do it on my own.  I didn't quite believe what she was saying, almost wondering if she had some kind of delerium, then we reached the basement.  There was a really peaceful garden there (this house must have been huge if it took it so long to get to the basement), and the old lady - whose name I now realise (in real life) that I didn't get - went back upstairs to see to the group that had now caught up with us and were now banging on the door.


I went outside into the garden; it was cloudy outside and there was a little lawn with flowers around it.  This man then suddenly appeared, called Alexei (pron. Alexy), who was wearing a grey coloured suit and sunglasses.  He told me that the garden was beautiful, and I told him that the house was "under siege" and that I was the one meant to protect it but I didn't know how.  It now crossed my mind that it probably wasn't the best time to confide to a total stranger about my duties but I wasn't about to stop.  I then tugged his hand and got him to come inside and we made our way back up.  Some of the doors were unlocked, and I had a feeling that the old lady had been taken away.  This Alexei somehow got the angry people outside the house to go away, and told me not to leave the house until he came back.  I asked him how long that would be, and he said he didn't know, until it was "time".  I kissed him goodbye, and he left, as I was trying to wrench the front door shut.  These children were trying to stop me from doing so, and I was shouting for help to no avail.


Finally, I let them in but told them that this house was under siege, and if it was, they had to help me.  They agreed, but I wasn't sure if it was just in jest but I didn't have a choice.  After barricading the front door, I went to the bedroom, which had a huge window and a massive pink lamp.  The window had a curtain around it that wasn't shut, and it had a view of the house from the start of the dream, which I then gathered to be the Lady Gaga character's house.


Over the next few days, I stayed inside, marking the children's homework, sat in this room. I found out that LGalike was still after this house and could gain information somehow even though the house hadn't been infiltrated by anyone.  So one evening, I was sat in the room,and the pink lamp started to flicker as I was talking with some of the children - they were two brothers and one sister, and their mother was with them.  I don't know how she got in the house, but she was very friendly.  I was telling them about the mistakes they made in their homework, and how to correct them.  It crossed my mind that the lamp had flickered a few times the past few days I had been in here; it was dark outside and looking out of the window, I could see a matching pink lamp in a window across the road that also flickered.


(This dream is FULL of odd perceptions.)  Somehow, this lamp flickering and me seeing it, and seeing its twin lamp flickered meant that LGalike knew I knew how she was gaining information.  I yanked the curtain shut, and was worried about how I was meant to protect the house - I had no fighting skills, just a group of about 20 children of various ages in my house who spent their time talking, playing, sleeping and doing homework.


Alexei then came into the house, and told me "it's time", and that he was going to put a stop to this, and stop this house being wanted by a crazy lady.


-----


I searched google images for the house and the guy, but this was the closest I got:

yes yes, I know this is Jesse McCartney.  I couldn't find anyone
that matched what the guy in the dream looked like.  This is close.

hotel dreams

I haven't written about a dream in a long time.  I have strange dreams every night, or at least ones I remember and mull over in the morning.


I dreamt that I was in a hotel, one I have been to before which is set in beautiful country grounds and has several buildings, for functions and the like, and a lot of rooms across these various buildings to stay in, coming in different ranges of 'grandness' I guess.  I might add that it is not the place I can afford to stay in normally, or ever: both times involved a huge discount.  In this hotel, I was in a room which had two parts to the door, like a stable door where the top bit can open separately to the bottom, so the horse can put his or her head out.  But there was a child banging on the bottom part, demanding to be let in for some reason.  I let them in and they were running absolutely riot, taking my things and putting them outside and messing up my clothes.  Eventually, I managed to get them back outside, and found out they were from the room next to mine, and it appeared that the child (a boy, with blond hair) preferred my room.  After going to breakfast, the door that was open went into a different room, and I realised that the parents of the boy who had messed all my things up had switched our rooms, and made their room look nice for me to stay in (it was smaller and a bit darker, whereas my first room was quite light and big).


Then for some reason, I walked into a room at the end of the hall, which was very grand looking - it had a main sort of reception room and then another kind of living room bit, then the bedroom with a bathroom.  I hid in here behind one of the red chairs because I somehow decided I was playing a game of hide and seek with P.


And thenn, I woke up in this red/pink-ish room in a bed with brown sheets, and wandered around and sort of gathered subconsciously that I was there because of one of my tutors from a past attachment: she wanted us to get to grips with CPE cases (which I gathered were some kind of extended case).  So I was wondering how many beds there were, because surely a lot of people would be coming.  There was bedspace for 3 in the room I was in, I walked into the next room which was green and blue, with one bed.  Then a blue room with a double bed.  Then a kind of white/beige room with another double bed and a huge window overlooking the ocean (??!).  There was a huge living room/workspace which had loads of comfy chairs and tables, where there were people gathering but I wasn't sure what they were doing there - they didn't look like students.  So I carried on and found myself in a smaller living room area, with L shaped sofas and a fireplace, and then off that was another room with a different theme, with a single bed.


I wandered through all the rooms, looking at them all, and then in one of the rooms was a guy I went to school with who now works for Rolls Royce - I was surprised to see him there and couldn't actually remember where I knew him from; he was using his MacBook to remix some music.  Then we wandered into the place where people were gathering, and I asked them what they were doing there - one lady said that she was a pop music representative looking for people to sign, then hastily added that she wasn't currently accepting any more music demos (in case I just happened to have some with me....)  Then I sat on one of the sofas, and saw one of my friends, L, who looked confused.  She was there because the tutor emailed her saying that she had emailed her about these cases, so got invited along.  I found an iPad and was trying to search for my tutor's name to find out how many students she was inviting, as there was only bedspace for 9 people, including herself presumably.  Then there was some meeting going on in that room, my Rolls Royce friend and emailing friend left, along with two of my good friends.  I put a cushion in front of the iPad so that the light wouldn't distract everyone else, as I tried to scroll through to look for her name. I couldn't find it, weirdly, as I was sure I knew how to spell her surname and maiden name, but there were no matching entries.


I hid the iPad underneath the cushion, and left to go into the smaller living room, where D and R were sitting on either side of a brown haired girl I had never seen before.  I addressed my friends, asking them if they would be okay with me sleeping in the same bed or in the same room as them as there was only space for 9 people.  Then I said hello to the girl I hadn't met before - she looked a bit shy and awkward and out of place there.


----


Just for indulgence, here are some pictures of hotel rooms from google images.
Carol xx

"I'm just going for a drink"

Normally I dislike dreams like this.  I dislike dreams which remind me over something in the past and make me feel wistful.  This one made me feel wistful, but not in a bad way.


-------


It was a summery day during my holiday, and I was at this country house hotel type building, to meet two of my school friends with whom I still keep in good contact, S and F.  We were in evening dress, and we were having wine and champagne as we caught up and found out what we were each up to.  (In reality, this makes sense.  S works for a branch of the government as a civil servant, and F is graduating this year and will be a serveuse at Disneyland and teaching languages)  We were in a restaurant in the country hotel, just standing near a table, and it seemed to be late afternoon or evening.  We then found out there was a class reunion, of everyone who was in my Lower Sixth/Upper Sixth class back at school, in the adjacent restaurant, so we went to join them.  It was then that I became aware that I was wearing a red dress and I was holding a glass of dark red wine.  I was talking with my old school friends for five minutes, then for some reason, I decided to leave, with the excuse "I'm just going for a drink with someone somewhere else, I'll be back in five minutes" despite the fact I still had a full glass of wine in my hand and I had only been at my reunion for five minutes.

I went to another restaurant (a hotel full of restaurants....) and saw one of my friends there - prior to seeing him, I didn't know he was there at a table, I just had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to leave my reunion and make up an excuse to leave.  So I sat with him at the table (let's call him A); he was wearing a charcoal grey suit and was drinking wine.  We ordered dinner and drinks, and we were talking about whether or not to get another type of red wine (different to the ones we had each separately been drinking) or a drink called 'Disso' which I suppose was like Prosecco.  So then I suggested we get both - I wasn't in the mood for more red wine, but I was willing to get both of them, but then he decided we'd just get this Prosecco like drink.

Whilst we were waiting for our food and drinks, I rested my head on his shoulder and asked him what he'd been up to since I had seen him last (in reality, we exchange pleasantries during major holiday festivals and birthdays) and we made small talk then for some reason, I decided I would say "I love you", having no romantic feelings for this person, but then he didn't return the love so I left, but not before he kissed my hair.


(This is turning into such a cheesy story.  Well, it's helpful for me to process it)


I went back to my reunion, and I had been away from them for ages, even though I had just gone to have a drink with someone, but my friends overlooked this and we chatted for the remainder of the evening.  Later on, I decided to leave to go to my room as I was feeling down but there was a gang of chavs outside near the main entrance, so I went back inside to find someone to walk with me.  Instead, some of my girl friends wanted to get a taxi, so I was wandering around the restaurants looking for the minicab booth.  During my search, I went to the restaurant where I had met A, and we made eye contact, but he was with a girl, who I thought was his girlfriend, and his brother.  I left quickly after that.


Over the next few days, I think A tried to tell me that he loved me, but I was either not aware or it or didn't want to know.  He then started to write a letter, the size of a broadsheet newspaper page to explain his feelings to me, and he was going to get it published the next day in The Financial Times.  I'm not sure how I was seeing this scene; I must have been invisible or something.  But Blair Waldorf, from Gossip Girl, came along and told him to stop trying to tell me how he felt because I didn't care, and that whatever he did wasn't going to work.  A then told her he was going to get the front page of the FT with this letter, but she told him to stop trying to publish it, his efforts were useless.

I'd like to tell you how it ended... but then I woke up.  But I don't think I want to know.


Carol xoxo




all images found via www.images.google.co.uk, except the one of me (that's my own)

fermez les yeux - dream

I was at my main campus building, the one that deals with most of the administration etc, and it was a little before 2pm.. maybe 1.20 or something.  I had an exam that I had not revised for  at 2, and someone I used to teach had the first of his BSc exams at 2pm too, and we were talking about essay ideas and what kind of things would come up.  We were sat in some sort of reception room, where round tables were arranged with a cream and neutral theme, and there was lots of ribbon around.  We sat at one of the tables in the corner, and we were discussing endocrinology in gynaecology, which covers pre-puberty, puberty, pregnancy and menopause, which would have made a good, but rather long, essay concerning the various female hormones.

I couldn't remember what exam I had at 2pm, but it was one I hadn't revised for, and I saw some girls from my French class from A levels, who seemed to think that our attendance at a wedding upstairs took priority over the exam, so we went to discuss it with the teacher, who said that we could sit the exam at 11pm, and then continue with the pattern of exams on Wednesday (I think it was Monday in the dream).

We were all sat on very long rectangular tables, and the guest sat next to me had a red/coral coloured shirt on, and I remember thinking that I had seen them before somewhere or they gave me a sense of deja vu, but I ignored him and turned to talk to those on my right.  I don't remember the actual wedding part but there was lots of food, and soon it was past 11pm, and then we French girls regrouped and decided that we would go to the teacher and ask if we could do the exam another day.  For some reason, none of the following days would suit and we decided to stay at the party.

One of the ushers came up to me and said that the guy who was sat next to me, whose name was Marcus or Mark or something similar, had left a watch, except when I turned to look at it, it was just the watch strap with any watch face on it at all, and instead there was only a silver circular disc.  Anyway, the usher left it with me for some reason so I walked around trying to find someone with the red/coral shirt.  I had two failed attempts and so just wore it on my left wrist in case one day I'd come across this person.  (In theory, it probably wouldn't have happened, but my dreams are odd)

Then the dream changed; it felt like a few days later and I was in Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, and there seemed to be some kind of fracas on the ground floor but I was on one of the levels overlooking the ground floor.  I recognised the two people involved; one was this Mark / Marcus person and another was a female celebrity, who was under dressed for the weather.  A little distance away from me was a security guard, who had a fluorescent bright yellow jacket on (although I'm not sure that hospital security wear clothes this bright?) but he was just observing.  So this girl seemed to be threatening him (let's call her Jess for convenience's sake) with something, and they were arguing about The Body Shop adverts amongst other things and whether or not he would make them.

They seemed to be getting violent - usually when things like this happen, a crowd of people gather but for some reason this didn't happen.. it was just me and the security guard.  There were people going in and out of the hospital but not watching, just ignoring.  Jess chased Mark up two levels of the hospital but he was quite agile and managed to jump back down to the ground floor without hurting himself, and when she tried she collapsed into a heap on the floor, as she had broken her legs.  The security guard then tried to shoot Mark, who was now on the second floor again. I left thinking okay, well I tenuously know this person, maybe I can help out, and I was suddenly aware that there were lots of people on the second floor.

I went to the ground floor and tried to go up to the sixth floor (??) in some progressive looking elevator, where you stood on a piece of card and pressed a button and tried to balance well thus making it to your destination vertically.  I fell off after being elevated about 5 metres, which hurt a lot.  I then used a normal elevator to go to the second floor.

I mingled in with the crowd, and saw Mark/Marcus who was still wearing his red/coral colour shirt (?) and then I walked past him and took him by the arm and dragged him along with me.  I explained who I was and that I was going to get him out of there  - by now, the security man was calling the police and alerting the various authorities and the media.  So Mark and I were walking along and then I said to him, close your eyes which he did then I took off his 'watch' and put it in his hand and told him to look, and that he forgot something at the party.  He recognised who I was and that I didn't speak to him all evening at the wedding.

We went back to his home, and he was explaining to me that things were getting bad, and he was getting told off and into trouble at work on the three days he went (Tuesday, Thursday and Friday) and was lying in a raging drunken stupor the rest of the week at home being angry with himself.  His room was underground in some sort of sewer; he took the things he needed and then a man recognised who he was, and shut the gate you had to pass through to go out and called the police who were on the way.  Then Mark turned into some kind of dragon and bashed a way out of his 'room' (??) then we escaped.

----

I'd like to say there was some magical ending, but there wasn't, I don't remember what happened after that.  Often, weird things in dreams shock me into waking up and I can never lucid dream.

i don't care what they say

So as usual, there's always a huge lapse between my posts where I talk about my daily life.  It's the last day of the Christmas holidays today, which was something I needed very much.  At first, it was odd having a break (as I am always someone who likes to keep busy or keep doing something even during down-time) but then I got used to it, and being at home and having family time and being able to eat what I want without having to go to the shop to buy it, and have my clothes washed etc.  I always maintain that it is a very good experience to live away from home, fully, without being in easy travelling distance of being near your parents/family, because then it forces you to look after yourself, and work out how to use those machines in your house that your family always took care of, like the washing machine and the oven etc.  

Maybe it's just in my stereotyped role, but I always thought washing machines were fairly self explanatory.  I am in no way boasting about my domestic abilities, by the way.

My holidays have been spent studying, having fun, being cold and trying not to eat too much food.  I think that everytime my parents see me, they think I have lost weight.  I suppose that's just what they expect, as I don't have conventional eating patterns.  Anyway, having six months of study and constantly being busy... it felt weird at first to have all this free time, but I've gotten used to it - I needed it.  And now I have that 'last day of the holiday' feeling.. I don't feel ready to go back to school, but I guess that's just because of all the time off I have had!  Before I left at the train station to come back to London, I met up with one of my best friends, and we had a really good but too brief chat.  She now works for the Office of National Statistics, and she was telling me about meeting Ray Mears - she came top in her year for her subject at her university.

I had a bizarre dream this morning too.  I've not written about one in a while, so I thought I would now.  I was in my school cafeteria, where everyone had to go for lunch unless they were in the sixth form, with one of my friends who I saw during the holidays, and some old friends from school who I no longer keep in touch with.  We were buying lunch, and one of my friends, K, with whom I had some academic rivalry when I first knew her, but then we did different subjects and moved in different friend circles.  She asked me to get my book on SLE (systemic lupus erythematosus - a multisystemic disease, which is quite rare, but often you see manifestations of the disease in a mild way in some rheumatology clinics.  It is quite interesting, and is often used in exam cases) for her from my locker, which was just outside the cafeteria room, so I went and unlocked it, but for some reason, I pulled out a green book, and I thought it was the SLE book.  So I went into the food area (where K was) and put the book on her tray.  We went to sit down, but one of my friends wasn't happy with where we were sat for some reason (?) and made us move nearer to the windows and told us where to sit, in a certain configuration, which made her happy to do so.  K came to sit with us, and she realised that the book I had given her was not the SLE book (which was orange); she'd noticed it was the green book which I absent-mindedly pulled from my bag in my locker - it was my Psychiatry book instead.  I didn't feel like getting up to get the book she actually wanted, and she got a bit angry and, I guess, through the power of her negative thought, 'sent' me to a hospital clinic....

I'm starting with a GP rotation, which I feel a bit apprehensive about, more than starting the  other attachments I've done thusfar, but hopefully it will turn out to be okay.  Mine is a bit far away, so I am not looking forward to 8am starts, but I've done it before, so it should be fun.

Hope you've all had a good start to 2011... there are a lot of things to look forward to.  Lots of stories to come, films to see, places to go.. it should be good.

Carol x

PS. Do you remember these songs???  I've been listening to old songs for a few days; they bring back many memories. (by old, I mean 9 or 10 or more years)

we are two worlds apart

This week has been interesting, to say the very very very least.

Spent a large part of the early part of this week having fun Paediatric learning times with some really good doctors and there was generally lots of good chat too. (!)  I don't particularly want to go into any specifics, but it was a really really great start to a week that I had mixed feelings about.  Spent time in the Special Care Baby Unit, and in Paediatric A&E, and on the main paediatric ward, as well as not looking silly in handover.  I feel less scared of Paediatrics now; at first it was a little bit overwhelming and in particular Carol fashion, I had a huge panic at the beginning, thankfully not witnessed by anyone.

It is a little bit of a shame that the attachment has been shortened, but all the same, I think the holidays mini-breaks consolidation weeks will be useful indeed.  I have residency these next two weeks, where theoretically, I'm meant to be resident... but living not that far away counts as being resident, yes?

We had lectures on Wednesday, which were well delivered (two of them, at least) but they were about depressing topics.  I love walking back in the sunshine.  Because I have black hair, it absorbs heat like nothing (I have to take breaks from blowdrying my hair because my hair gets too hot and burns me) but it feels good when it's sunny.  We had a really interesting conversation about divorce and general culture differences.  I like that I have friends who are from different cultures, and also that I have something to contribute.  A lot of traditions or superstitions that I still uphold / maintain / believe in are sometimes things that I don't realise that I'm doing and so I don't realise that it might seem a bit unusual to some people.  For example, placement of things and doing certain things on certain days.

About divorce.. I don't believe in it.  As in, I would never marry someone if I knew at the start it wouldn't work out.  Granted, this is something you cannot predict which is why I'd like to know the guy for ages beforehand, so that marriage would not be too huge a transition.  Once during the winter this year or last year, P and I were having dinner at the weekend (which usually involves him cooking, me getting in the way and then me disliking washing up) and watching something on his computer and he said that we were just like a married couple with a very familiar routine.  I'm not sure how that makes me feel.  We talk of marriage in a semi-abstract way, in that it will be somewhere in the future, but it feels like an incredibly grown up step for me.  That's probably because I'm still at uni, but friends from school that are my age are getting flats and jobs and getting engaged and the like.

I floated the idea of a potential baby girl name, and decided I don't want to live in a boat, or in a treehouse.  I also had a surprise phone call from Costa Rica on Wednesday, bringing the voice contact count to 3.  It makes me wistful when I hear his travelling stories because I know that I will never have an opportunity like that.

So the end of the working week has mixed reviews.  The former half of the week was better than the latter (I think of the week as Monday to Friday, with 2 days weekend to play).  I mean, it was still good, just not as good as Mon - Wed.  Maybe I just had set myself too high a standard.  There has been lots of medicine, lots of discussion, laughs and some gossip :-)  There was also a bit of waiting around because of a couple of paediatric emergency cases but had some good self directed learning times.  As in, I actually looked at the book.

Met up with some friends last night to chat and play cards and the like.  Formal apologies for any untoward behaviour on my part.

Had an eventful morning, and woke up to some post which contained a physical manifestation of one of my goals to achieve before I am 30.  Got a bit excited and I wish I could tick them off via html... *investigates*

Had a very very weird dream this morning between 6 and 8am too... I dream that I was in my flat, and it was sunny but people were passing through my flat to get to the garden.  I was confused about why they were entering my flat just to get to the back door, as I had never noticed it before.  Though to be fair, dream Carol is probably unobservant too.  So I looked outside, and it was like a field.  There were people sat on benches chatting, and it was a private space just for people on my floor, but the annoying thing was that they had to go into my flat to get to the garden, and I was thinking, "well, it's all fine when I am here but what about when I'm not?  Then they might take my things".  But then I got distracted by this blond man, who was my next door neighbour.  So I walked past his flat, which had a round pane of glass in it so I could see inside, and he was doing some sort of fitness DVD.  His room was so sparsely decorated in comparison to mine, but there was lots of orange, yellow and purple patterned things.  I was also a bit :O at the arrangement of the things too.  If I had Paint, I'd draw the room for you.

Then he passed through my room again, and I was like, "hey! you're my next door neighbour?!?!" and then he told me he had lived next door for years but I had never seen him before.

Then I was playing in the playground at my school, and I had copper brown hair and a dress on.  It was breaktime and there were 2 teachers supervising and people were in the garden too.  (My school's playground had a sort of enclosed pretty garden area) but then I got some sort of call and fought this monster with (get this), two huge molecules of potassium chloride, with the two ions K+ and Cl- separately.  And it worked. (???)

Then I got another mission call, and had to run out of the playground, ignoring the reprimand of my teacher, and ran up the ramp and to the end of the road.  I realised I had nothing to fight with, then I saw this black helicopter moving towards me.  I asked it, "do you have any malicious intent towards me?" and it moved from side to side as if to say no.  So then I picked it up and it turned into a little toy helicopter, attached by string to a pink balloon that was not inflated.

So eventually I worked out that if I inflated the balloon, the helicopter got bigger too.  So I could get into the helicopter.  But it would get smaller with time so I'd have to reinflate the balloon.  Totally strange!!!  Then my best friend got into the helicopter with me, and then we flew over to the town and she told me to land on top of the Science Museum.

Weird, right??!!!!!

Ugh.. now I am overheating :(

Hope you are all well!

Carol xxoo

baby don't you realise how beautiful you really are

Several things.

Firstly, another dream!

It was after school, on a sort of clody day, and I was walking with T and S to the school buses; T and I used to get buses from the other side of the road, and for some reason I was walking her to hers... It was 4pm and the buses were leaving at 4.10pm so I left them,  and turned back and left and went to mine.  I was stuck behind S and F, whom I didn't really like that much so overtook them and got to my bus.  I was part of the "back of the bus" crowd, but there was hardly anyone there.. just P and L, and L's "evil twin".  They were all sat apart on the backseat (5 seats) and very silent.. so I sat in the middle and asked them what was up.  L's evil twin was doing odd and mean things to P and L, and he took some sort of gas and oil and sprayed it on and between my legs, and he was making P cry.

Then he went to L's younger sister, who was sat near the front of the bus, and told her that L disowned her and this made her cry :(  Then L's evil twin seemed to have spent his rage and sort of disappeared, and then L said to me, "thankyou", and I said that I hadn't done anything.. like, literally nothing, but then he went, "if you hadn't had showed up, this wouldn't have happened", by which I think he meant that he was glad his evil twin was gone, and then I was like, "I know".

Then it was the next school day and I was sat in a classroom with S, T and F, the former two were the ones I walked to the school buses with.  We were talking about books, and I had one in my bag that I needed to return to S, and I told her I still had "the claw" book ("the claw" said the Toy Story way) which I would return to her at a later date.

Then it was time for assembly, but my class was late, so we went to get the prayer books and opened the back doors for the stage where we were meant to be sat, and where we would sneak to, but it was the prayer time, and I hoped they didn't hear us making any sound opening and closing the doors.  We rushed back to our classroom, trying to think of some excuse for us missing assembly.  Then our form teacher, Mr L, was flirting with S :/

Very weird.  I rarely dream of my friends, old or new.. I feel like my dreams tend to be very very odd, and so any semblance of normalness worries me.. so that's probably why you get random "how are you" messages if I don't see you much.

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Secondly, a letter

Day 3: to your parents & Day 4: to my sibling (or closest relative)

Dear mummy and daddy and A,

Every child who has a good relationship with their parents believes they are the best parents in the world, although this is very subjective.  I am no different, yet I would like to say that you are the best parents for me.  There is nothing I could write that would express my gratitude and love and there's probably nothing I can do to show it, except be the best person I can be :)  And A, we've had many ups and downs and I'd like to think that with our parents' love and guidance, we have become so much closer these past couple of years, closer than I thought we would be as siblings: I like it.  With love, 女

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I hate shopping.  When I purposely go out to look for clothes, I can never find anything I like.  How I have so many is beyond me, I have no idea how I come by so much when I can't find anything or the things don't fit!  Sometimes I hate my body shape, because a lot of the time I can't find things that fit properly.  Maybe I should shop like a man, and research things before I go to buy.

I went to see the new Twilight film; it was very good and an accurate representation of the book, but it was really cheesy in some bits, and it was annoying when little teenage girls were cheering when Jacob came on :/  I liked it though - the fighting was good and I wasn't as annoyed by Kristen Stewart's poor acting skills as in the first two films.  Before going out, I spoke to P via facebook chat - a rarity in itself - and he thought I was so eager to see it because I had no angst in my life and no drama, and that the film would be my fill of emotional angst.

Been watching Wimbledon and reading lots.. and having long naps.  Been reading Xiaxue's blog as well, and started watching Sex and the City to see what the fuss was about.  Pathology starts tomorrow - there are, like, 7 or 8 lectures :(  I hope it's not too hot!  A bit excited to see my friends again :)  Although, I am not so sure my note taking ability is as good as it used to be.  I mean, I write using a pen quite a bit but I don't write quickly or anything.

collective maths A Levels?

These past few days, I haven't been feeling that good... I've stayed in a lot, out of the sun, and been reading through my pile of books.  At the start of the BSc year, I bought a pile of books and added to it throughout the year.  Now I just have 5 left to go.  I have also been sleeping a lot, napping during the day, hand washing my clothes - why didn't I do this before???  Probably because they take ages to dry.  I have also been watching some films, and writing a little bit on my other blog.  I watched Toy Story 3 and Shrek 4 last week, just before I left for London.  I highly recommend the former, the latter... not that much.  Tomorrow, I better get better, because I'm going to the Tate Modern with a friend, whom I haven't seen for 2.5 years, then coffee with T and then dinner with friends later.

During one of my many naps, I had a really weird dream, about some of my old school friends :/

I was in a church, except it looked sort of like a lecture theatre, with those pull down chairs and white thin desks in rows that get lower and lower as you go down the room.  They had those big glass windows, with coloured panes, and it was painted white and sort of rustic.  It was sort of for a Founders Day type ceremony (for my school, it was a celebration of the founding of the Boys School, which came before the Girls School), and we stuck a load of pictures onto the wall.. sort of, commemorative ones.  It was very brightly lit, and around me were my friends from school.. some I was close to, some I was not.  There was no service and there seemed to be some speaker who was telling us about his clothes store - I do actually know him in real life, although not that well.  He's doing GDL - and how they were different to normal sizing in the UK... here we have even numbers, like 12, 14, 16 etc. for women's clothing.


So he was like, okay I can see that the numbering might confuse you a bit.  If you tell me what your size is in normal UK measurements, I can translate that to those for my store.  So he went around the group - there must have been about 20 in total.  So eventually he came round to me, and I was trying to whisper my size(s) to him, but he couldn't here, so I was like, "fine. 4 and 6" (not that they are my sizes in real life) and they translated to 27 and 29.


I must have been the last one to ask, as then I turned to the wall and took down the pictures we had just put up onto the wall and passed them to my friends K and G.  We then left the church, and walked back to school.  On the way, we recollected that we had exams in the summer, but we had been let off class for study leave from the start of the Easter holiday.  S then said that this meant that we had half a term to revise for a few exams, like Biology and Chemistry and Maths.  This was a huge surprise to me, as I said to her, "I'M DOING MATHS A LEVEL??!?!!!" to which she calmly replied "yes".  K and G and F also forgot they had Maths A Level exams, but the S told us that the viva we had just been for (yeah, somehow the group non-service/chat/conversation turned into a viva) was the only thing we needed to come to school for, for the rest of the year until exams.


I think the shock of finding out I was doing dream Maths A Level shocked me into waking up. :/






xo

old endings and new beginnings

Last night.. or more this morning, I had a dream where I was walking around my old school.  I still remember where most things are, but in my dream, I couldn't find my classroom.  I'd forgotten where it was, and there didn't seem to be anyone I could ask.  There was some sort of parade going on, with balloons and that confetti looking stuff and general joyous festivity, and everyone I saw was walking in an opposite direction to myself.  They were in the same year and, like myself, they were wearing white blouses and black skirts.  Which must have meant it was some formal event.  So eventually, I got to the end of a very long corridor, and there was an escalator going upwards, so I joined it, except it became too steep for me to stay on, and I fell off it.  I kept trying, but I kept falling off the escalator, and after about 10 tries, I finally got to the top.  There was some kid's party there, with clowns and balloons and party bags, and the general very bright colours you find at a child's party.  I couldn't find what I wanted here, but I couldn't find the way down. :/


Distressing.


I got my hair cut - it's now the shortest it's been for about 5 or 6 years; it feels good to have the oldest part of my hair cut off, but now it's gained annoying points for being even more unstyle-able.  Grr...  At least it's got 6 or 7 months to grow now!  It looks rank at the moment, but maybe I will add some pictures when it's looking more healthy.  I want to dye it again, but I don't have anywhere to do it.  Has anyone got a bathroom they would let me use?  The bathrooms for my flat are not IN my flat, it's at the end of the hall (they get cleaned every single day) but I can't be running through the corridor with hair dye in my hair and trying to wash it out etc.  I shall have a think about it.


The boy leaves for New Zealand today... the 4th of about 9 or 10 places.  I am leaving for London on Sunday too... got lots and lots to do before term starts.  Been watching Come Dine With Me, and wishing I could cook.  I have the resources, just not the skill.  But then, I'm not usually that fussy about what my food looks like as long as it is edible.


A lot of people I know are having their endings... their course is finishing, their school career is finishing.  I can't help but wonder if I will be scared when it is my turn... if I'll feel scared to enter the real world of responsibility and bills and taxes and pensions and being a grown up.


xo

"there cannot be two chosen ones!!"

In a very Da Vinci Code-esque dream, I dreamt that I saw the "chosen one", the one descended from Jesus' bloodline.  I was at dinner, in a dimly lit room with some friends and a family, made of a mother (whose surname began with a K, and was not of English origin), two sons and a daughter.


At the start of dinner, I wasn't aware that this family were there, and I was talking to my friends, the one next to me was wearing black.  And then I became aware the family was sitting on my table (round table).. and then I was reading this press release thing saying that the "chosen one" had been found.  Somehow, and for reasons I do not understand, I made the connection that one of the sons of this family (the older in fact.. he was wearing a blue t shirt) was the chosen one, and it was something to do with there being a new Da Vinci Code film out. (my dreams are odd!)  There was this prophecy on this press release, which the blue t shirt boy fulfilled, which I don't remember.


So I asked him, "are you the chosen one?" and he said yes, but the younger son, who looked about 10 got really angry and said he wanted to be the chosen one as well.  Then he ran off, but there was this dinner attendant who had fainted or similar, and the chosen one's mother was looking after him.  The fainted man knew something about the chosen one and what they have to do, so that's why Ms K was trying to revive him.  He was really thin, and you could see many of his arteries and veins. :/


After failing to find the younger son, I told Ms K that I'd tried to tell her telepathically that her son had run off, but that he was NOT the chosen one, but that the one with the blue t shirt was, but that I didn't know her first name (which she then told me was Helena) and that I didn't know how to use my telepathic powers.  Then the attendant man woke up, and he had some sort of... telepathic power thing where he made the room lights change to blue, which he couldn't control.  It seemed as if he couldn't control it, and Helena and I were there trying to shake him out of it, and I told him "there CANNOT be two Chosen Ones, only one!"

via google images

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I know there must be someone out there who is descended from Jesus' bloodline, or is somehow related.  We are all related to each other in some way or another, via the Mitochondrial Eves and Y-chromosomal Adams.  So it makes sense that there are people today who are related to notable historical figures.


As for my dream chosen one, he was thin, blonde, a few years younger than I.  And his surname began with a K, he was the oldest son, and he had no father figure in his life.

"i'll save it until 9....."

A weird dream...........


I was in my room, in London, and there were three people in my bed.  P, a girl who looked Amy Winehouse-esque called Jess, and a blonde girl; the three of them were taking up so much room I couldn't fit in (though to be fair, it was just a double bed).  The two girls kept kicking me, so I went off on one to our tutor (who was at the other end of the room) and told the girls off. (P was asleep during the whole encounter).


Then I went to the bathroom, where I heard these people discussing a night out, so I went to round up a group of people.  We assembled at Gloucester Road station... a few of my girl and guy friends, and some people I didn't know....; it was sunny, and about 7pm-ish.  Perez Hilton was there (??) and being really loud, and I linked arms with Shane from Westlife (hey, don't ask) and I was saying in a conspiratory (sp?) voice, "I hate gay people who are really loud and obnoxious" (I do NOT feel like this in real life!) and he agreed, and so did Lance from *N Sync (who is actually gay) and the guy who plays Mini Me in Austin Powers, and some guy with ginger hair.  So we all had a group hug :)  Then we walked up Gloucester Road, and it was 7.15, and very sunny, but the party we were going to only started at 9.


So I went to talk to Perez, and said where's the party?  He was like, it's at the end of the Piccadilly line so we had enough time to waste by walking there.  I also remember being completely off my face drunk and laughing lots and talking really loudly (as I am so wont to do?) the whoooole time.  I also remember that he was singing some lyrics from a song.  I told some girls behind me, look it's near Tower Hill.  If you're getting the tube, just go to Tower Hill then call me for directions.


So off we walked, then we got there, except it was to Perez's house.  There were roadworks at either side of the road, and loads of traffic.  I could see P and his friends crossing the road one way, and then we were trying to cross the other way.  Except... in my dream, we didn't recognise each other.  Anyway, so we crossed over eventually, and I tried to guess which was his house.  I knew it wasn't in one block, because I knew all the people that lived there, and I could hear this music blasting out really loudly.  He then went to the door of the room with the loud music, and he went inside.  It was real small, a white double bed, a desk, a wardrobe and a bathroom.  And the song I could hear was the same as the one he was singing earlier.


Perez then went to pull out some chocolates from his pocket (they were white and plain chocolate monkeys) and offered me one, which I declined.  He was then going to eat them all, but then said he would save them until 9.  I then asked him, "why've you chosen to live here?"  He said, "well, loads of people contacted me to say I could live in their house because I'm foreign, and this one was £10.05 a week, and there's a school nearby".


One of the girls then rang me, and said she was at Tower Hill station and needed directions, so I passed my phone over to Perez to issue directions.


But then I woke up.... sorry for the few updates of recent: I'll do some soon!

of friends, and old friends

Had a weird dream just before I woke, and have time to myself as the boy is still asleep and I am waiting for my hair to dry.


I was reading my messages, as it was my birthday, and I had one from a guy I was on firms with, D.  He had sent me a message, not acknowledging my birthday, but merely to ask me if I wanted to headline his festival that he was organising.  I thought, OK, I know of some good bands that I can suggest and ask them, because I don't play any instruments and I don't sing all that good.  The gig was going to be on Valentine's Day, 14th February, but the fact that it was Valentine's Day wasn't bothering me.

So I emailed some bands.  Random Hand and Mouthwash came to mind, because although I have not seen them or heard their music, my friend T loooves them, and that's why they got suggested.  So I checked their myspaces, and saw one of them had a gig on 15th Feb, so they'd be more likely to do one on the 14th, so I sent them a message asking so.


Then I was at home, though it was a place I feel as though I have never been to.  It was Feb 13th, and D had sent me another message, saying that he had to pay money for some artists to perform at his festival, and didn't have enough for the headliner, he still hadn't had one, it was still listed as "special guest headliner" but he reallllly needed one.  I had to go and meet T, to ask her about her progress with convincing RH/M to perform.  Instead of using my own car, my dad dropped me off in a carpark, where I saw T right in the corner, peeking out of a blue car.  I said, "that's her that's her!" and ran out of the car.


So we were talking for a while, and then I was aware that I was in this very beautiful room, akin to the decor inside the V&A....

I was sat at a table with R, trying to explain something to him, but I kept being distracted by a couple sat on a table behind R.  They were both people I know, one very well, but both not anymore.  She had decreased in attractiveness, although still quite pretty, and she was wearing a pale coloured dress.  He however had dyed his hair so that it was dark brown and was wearing a suit and looked very smart.  I kept remarking that he was good looking, and he was giving such a look of adoration to his dining partner, as maybe happened in life.  I always thought there was a flirtiness between them.


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The reason I feel it fitting to write this dream, though it might not be so interesting, is because the boy is someone who was instrumental at one point in my life, though he will never know it, and whilst I have not spoken to him of late or even recent late, maybe I will go say hello!




All images found via google images

LP & Sailor Mars

I dreamt I was watching people playing lacrosse, and a lacrosse player, whom I vaguely know in real life, came over to me in the break to talk to me and R.  I had a blue coat and a red hat on, and he told me my red hat looked cute.  We were in a field, and it was sunny, kind of like that early morning sun look.

After the game had finished, we went home and the lacrosse player, whom I shall call LP as I don't want to divulge his real name, joined us.  Then we got on the bus, and my oyster card had no travelcard or money on it, so I stood aside to let others touch in, and I got my purse out and found a £2 coin and paid for my bus fare.  Then I had to stand on the bus; I was in front of me, and I spoke to her a little bit, then I was like, "where's LP?"  I looked around and he wasn't there; then I could see him running on the street outside to the next bus stop to try and hail the bus... to no avail, so he ran onto the next one where he managed to get on, and for some reason I felt relieved.  He once again remarked how cute my red hat was; it was a fleecy material and covered my ears but not my sight.

We alighted at a tube station, and Rob suddenly reappeared.  I then kind of disappeared from my dream.  Then the three of us touched in at the barriers, and LP and I were going on one line, and Rob was going on another, so we said our goodbyes, and R went down some stairs.  So as LP and I were walking towards the escalator, he turned and kissed me, even though I knew he had a girlfriend.  Then we walked on, went down the escalator and towards the platform, where we met R again.


--


I was helping these parents and children get into their wanted nurseries.  Jack Bauer and his little daughter wanted Kensington, and she'd done all sorts of tests and gotten lots of certificates, whereas another lady, whose name I don't remember and her daughter also wanted Kensington, and were worried that because the daughter's test scores and inteviews "weren't the best in history", she wouldn't get to go into Kensington.  Then I had a dance class at 2, all the girls were lined up, and someone tried to use their ID card to swipe in, except it set this alarm off.  So we all moved away, in case people thought we'd set the alarm off.  The next day, I had my Sailor Mars outfit on, and it was the day that the parents would find out which nursery their children would get into.  Jack Bauer found out in the morning, and got Hammersmith, which is the one he wanted for his daughter, not Kensington.


So I went to the other lady, and asked her, but she didn't know.  She told me that lots of other people knew already, and she was worried as she hadn't received a letter or an email or anything.  So I took her code, and went to a computer room and asked some guys to check it out for me.  The result was Kensington; by this point, loads of people were anxious to know for this lady and her daughter, and I was like, "she got Kensington!"  So we ran back down the hall to this lady, and I told her, then she started crying, in relief, and so did I, and I told her I was proud of her.


I was late for my dance class again, as were a number of other girls.  We had to walk through this lecture hall, with the audience full, and someone asked me what costume I was wearing.  I shouted "Sailor Mars!" and she was like, "Moon?"  So I said, "No!  MARS!" feeling a little stupid.

We rang the buzzer for the class, outside this building, and someone answered,then one of the girls said this code phrase, something about Mr Freeze from 60's Batman, except she got it wrong, but the person on the end of the phone knew what she meant, so let us in.  Then we went to change into these tops and skirts for dance class, except mine didn't fit :(








Images 1 and 2: googleimages
Image 3: my own