when the sun shines, we'll shine together

So I figured out this week one important thing.. I'm not meant to drink vast quantities of alcohol, otherwise I get superventricular tachycardia. Seriously. It can cause collapses :( But I have a good tolerance of alcohol, which is very odd. I only started drinking regularly at uni, and I'm tiny and little, so my liver is clearly very little too. Weird that I have a good tolerance. Not so good with the palpitations though.


The friendship... drama has further escalated. Now it's just turned into a game of he told her that she said that he said that we said not to tell him that he likes her or she doesn't want to talk to him because we said that she said that you said this and that and the other but he told me something else instead.. ad nauseam. I am guilty of doing it too, as are a lot of people I know. Basically, it's come from a lack of trust and seeing your friends as more trustworthy than some others. And I wish we could just make it stop. Some of my friends feel like their allegiance is not with us anymore, which is weird and also sad. And also annoying. When did this happen?


If only people were more forthcoming about their feelings, and not so afraid of being hurt. It's really not that bad. So why don't you just tell her you like her? Why don't you just tell him, sorry, no more? Why can't you just say... "whatever?" I'm getting to the stage now where the interest is lost for me and I just feel like saying "whatever".


And then I remember I am not meant to heavily influence my friends' decisions, and they're not as familiar with emotional hurt as I am. So all I can do is watch my friends emotionally mature, and hope they get there sooner rather than later. I feel sometimes that I'm one of the group's parents, watching the process of maturation. Just like a parent tries not to interfere where feelings are concerned.


I really hope that doesn't make me sound condescending. I've come to understand that there's more than growing up and getting old. There's emotional maturity, which is an important concept to me.


If only people were more trusting, and not so afraid of what people think of them. I wish we could just all sit down in a room, and not leave until we've gotten some kind of understanding. I've seen it work before. I wasn't meant to be involved at all, and now I'm a minor player in what seems to be a very complicated game.


Ugh.


Have an awesome summer lined up :) Going to see three plays at the Globe, possibly an opera, another visit to the zoo in Regent's Park, which is the prettiest park in London AND going to Milan! xx