better think twice?

Some of my friends have now joined blogger, or I have found their blog. And a couple of them have introductions to themselves.. reading back to my very first entry, I didn't introduce myself. I have no "welcome" post. But I hope that by reading my blog, you can kinda get the idea of the kind of person I am. I would say I am ditzy but can be smart sometimes.. a bit geeky but also clueless. I live in a university/student life bubble. Real life i.e. politics, council taxes and paying bills still seems a bit far away from where I am now. That's part of being a grown up. On Plinky, there's a question that made me think about when I realised I was an adult.


It was when I moved out of my flat, and moved into P's house, and had a permanent residence in one of the nicest areas in London. And then when I had to move into my own flat.


But I don't think I'll feel like a real adult until I (hopefully) qualify.


Hold on. I have just looked at the table and seen P's bank statement, which i must open. Now that's an adult like thing.


My friends and I are thinking of going on holiday sometime this year, but it most probably won't happen. I'd like to go away with P somewhere, whilst the end of his PhD is in sight, not in not too near sight. I hate how plans never happen, how people who live at home are bound by prior obligations, how people don't want to stay out late, or don't realise that clubbing does not necessarily mean drinking.


I saw a patient today who was a little younger than me, who had overdosed on some medications :( and drunk lots of alcohol. And the weird thing is that he looked normal. He didn't look particularly depressed, just that kinda glazed look patients have when they're in hospital. I often wonder how patients react to students. If i were an inpatient, I'd love it if people came to talk to me, to take my history. I have a lot of history to give medical wise :) But this patient.. it kinda upset me because I saw how much you can't tell that someone's sad and wants to take their own life, that being one of the most cowardly things yet also one of the most courageous things people can do. He looked a bit sad that his attempt didn't work to be honest, and seriously pissed off that he was in hospital and he could hear the doctors say "he's for a psych opinion". I hope everything works out alright.


Medicine is an art and a science, it being something interventional, sometimes where you don't want any interference. But once someone comes into hospital, we kind of have an obligation to make everything better, often putting the patient through pain or unpleasant experiences.


I wonder just how badly the recession will hurt us. I went to Sainsbury's a little while ago, and bought lots of Sainsbury's Basics tinned things. Some of it was exactly the same as stuff in fancier packaging, and even sometimes more healthy. People are brand snobs, and don't want to go for the cheap stuff, for fear of how it makes them look. Yes, sometimes it's worth the money, but a lot of the time, it doesn't make a difference. It still goes down the same way. Our bodies still use it the same way. Sometimes it just happens to cost 17p instead of £1.99 (fact). It just doesn't make sense why I should buy a tin of soup that costs £1.99 which has lots of hydrogenated fat and sugars in it, when I can just get a tin the same size and the same flavour for 17p which has less salt and less sugar and less fat (fact). Just because it costs more doesn't mean it's better.


And that goes for lots of other things. I am going to dress my babies in Primark clothes or old baby clothes my parents still have, and my babies will sleep in old cots. They're not going to know the difference are they. And they get through clothes quickly: what's the point of getting designer baby clothes when they'll need more in like 2 months? I'm going to teach my children about the times I live in now, and lots of languages, and awesome skills. I'll teach them about healthcare, and about medicines and anatomy and how to recognise diseases, and basic life support.
I don't want children now, or for a few years yet, but the prospect of imparting all my knowledge to someone who will care is exciting.


So I got lots of tinned food, in response to the food crisis. P and I have been building up a big store of it, in case things do get really bad. I've taken an inventory, and written down best before dates and everything, so we can replace things as we go through them. It's not that expensive. We must have enough food to feed the two of us for at least 2 or 3 weeks, for only £40 or something like that. And I am starting to stock up now, in case P's house burns down.


This is something he feels passionately about - along with permaculture and history or maths and computation type things and me and politics and economics and survival skills. So I feel like I should support him by stocking up my cupboards too. And also this solves the problem of me being hungry all the time.


But seriously. What would you do if the supermarkets closed down, and there wasn't much food left going around? I know it might never happen, but it's not a good strategy to only have enough food to last you a few days. it's not just a one person thing. My parents do it too. And have repeatedly advised me to do the same.


It was really sweet actually. Last term, we were like, "OK, so what if the supermarket burnt down, what are the things we'd really need?" We call it our "food crisis food". It's wonderful. And yes we do eat it. I have eaten all the chocolate repeatedly, so we have to get more, which I eat and so on and so forth.


And that time, which might be soon or far away, that will make me realise where my allegiances lie, and how selfish I really am. You can't feed everyone, especially at the rate that I myself get through food. I'm worried that the time will come when one of my closest friends wants some food, and I'll look at what I have and say "no". :(