"it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?"

Haven't written about what's going on in my life, instead writing about what I want, or my odd dreams (they are only a select few.  Believe me, there are more).  I can't remember if I mentioned already, but one year of my course is taken up by a compulsory BSc, consisting of lectures and a project.  Module 2 has just finished; how time flies!

Saw New Moon on Friday; I watched the first film and then read all the books, so everytime I was reading, I would imagine the actors and actresses as the characters.  And I think I was building myself up for something bigger and better than it actually was.  For people who hadn't read the books, it left a lot unanswered and it didn't explain things very well.  Kristen Stewart has not progressed as an actress, neither has Robert Pattinson as an actor.  It was good, but superficially so.  I did like it, it was a good film but it could have been better, ya know?

It was P's viva on Friday.  Let me stop and explain first.  I have recently become aware of people reading this blog who are not my friends, and who I do not know.  So that means they may well be using a search engine, or clicking next blog, and may not know what I am talking about.  A viva is the final step before receiving a doctorate, short of graduation.  A doctorate in research is the highest degree an academic institution offers, and the degree allows the student to become a more independent researcher.  You essentially write a book, and are orally examined after submission.  There is soft pressure to submit within 3 years - the time you get funding - and the hard deadline is 4 years.  Hardly anyone submits within 3 years, but P did, thus becoming the second person in his group to do so, the first being over 10 years ago.  He passed his viva, with very minimal corrections (of the find and replace variety) such that they hardly count.  Now he is a doctor!!

I know that an academic doctor means something different to a medical doctor, and layperson knowledge would place the latter above the former, but it's not true.  Medical doctors can become Members and Fellows of Colleges, but the most prestigious degree a university offers is a Doctor of Philosophy.  (The Philosophy in this case being Numerical Analysis and Computational Physics, and Galerkin Projections and anisotropy.)

To me, it means less if medical doctors try to get PhD's.  It looks like they just want to solidify their credentials, purely by adding extra letters to the end of their name.

But I am very proud of P; he is now a Doctor, a title less easily stripped than that of the medical variety.  I guess the next steps are post-doc-ship, Readership, then Fellowship and then FRS-ship, the latter being a very prestigious title.  (I don't know how to spell prestigious).  So one day, there might be a Doctor P FRS :)

Not much else... just lots of work being done... er, it was C's party last weekend in Harrow; was very fun and so good to see her after so long.  Been watching 24 recently; the first two seasons.  At first I hated the way that questions were left so unanswered, as if it were Lost-esque, but I found that by reading full plot lines and synopses, I could enjoy it fully.  I hate suspense and violence and people dying.  Unfortunately, this seems to be what 24 is full of, so I need to read ahead before I watch it.  Sad, I know.

xo

Err.. since when did Leighton Meester sing????

LP & Sailor Mars

I dreamt I was watching people playing lacrosse, and a lacrosse player, whom I vaguely know in real life, came over to me in the break to talk to me and R.  I had a blue coat and a red hat on, and he told me my red hat looked cute.  We were in a field, and it was sunny, kind of like that early morning sun look.

After the game had finished, we went home and the lacrosse player, whom I shall call LP as I don't want to divulge his real name, joined us.  Then we got on the bus, and my oyster card had no travelcard or money on it, so I stood aside to let others touch in, and I got my purse out and found a £2 coin and paid for my bus fare.  Then I had to stand on the bus; I was in front of me, and I spoke to her a little bit, then I was like, "where's LP?"  I looked around and he wasn't there; then I could see him running on the street outside to the next bus stop to try and hail the bus... to no avail, so he ran onto the next one where he managed to get on, and for some reason I felt relieved.  He once again remarked how cute my red hat was; it was a fleecy material and covered my ears but not my sight.

We alighted at a tube station, and Rob suddenly reappeared.  I then kind of disappeared from my dream.  Then the three of us touched in at the barriers, and LP and I were going on one line, and Rob was going on another, so we said our goodbyes, and R went down some stairs.  So as LP and I were walking towards the escalator, he turned and kissed me, even though I knew he had a girlfriend.  Then we walked on, went down the escalator and towards the platform, where we met R again.


--


I was helping these parents and children get into their wanted nurseries.  Jack Bauer and his little daughter wanted Kensington, and she'd done all sorts of tests and gotten lots of certificates, whereas another lady, whose name I don't remember and her daughter also wanted Kensington, and were worried that because the daughter's test scores and inteviews "weren't the best in history", she wouldn't get to go into Kensington.  Then I had a dance class at 2, all the girls were lined up, and someone tried to use their ID card to swipe in, except it set this alarm off.  So we all moved away, in case people thought we'd set the alarm off.  The next day, I had my Sailor Mars outfit on, and it was the day that the parents would find out which nursery their children would get into.  Jack Bauer found out in the morning, and got Hammersmith, which is the one he wanted for his daughter, not Kensington.


So I went to the other lady, and asked her, but she didn't know.  She told me that lots of other people knew already, and she was worried as she hadn't received a letter or an email or anything.  So I took her code, and went to a computer room and asked some guys to check it out for me.  The result was Kensington; by this point, loads of people were anxious to know for this lady and her daughter, and I was like, "she got Kensington!"  So we ran back down the hall to this lady, and I told her, then she started crying, in relief, and so did I, and I told her I was proud of her.


I was late for my dance class again, as were a number of other girls.  We had to walk through this lecture hall, with the audience full, and someone asked me what costume I was wearing.  I shouted "Sailor Mars!" and she was like, "Moon?"  So I said, "No!  MARS!" feeling a little stupid.

We rang the buzzer for the class, outside this building, and someone answered,then one of the girls said this code phrase, something about Mr Freeze from 60's Batman, except she got it wrong, but the person on the end of the phone knew what she meant, so let us in.  Then we went to change into these tops and skirts for dance class, except mine didn't fit :(








Images 1 and 2: googleimages
Image 3: my own

"so you're the girl that can't sip anything!"

One of several recent weird dreams...


I was in the airport, where there were glass walls, and it was early morning.  The sun was shining so brightly, and I was putting my luggage (a small suitcase) onto a conveyor belt thing, where it would be loaded onto a plane.  I had the plane ticket in my pocket, or rather, the boarding pass.  I just assumed I was boarding at Gate A, and so followed the signs for it.  There were those silver posts with the material rope between them, used to regulate queues and such, and I was in a queue which was shuffling along slowly.


I had a thick coat on but I don't remember feeling warm and I didn't have any hand luggage.  I heard this commotion to my left, where there was a huge crowd of people, all celebrating something.  I could see people I know, one being Agnetha (umlaut on the e) who was on this platform thing calling to people.  So I shouted her name several times as loud as I could so it could be heard over all the cheering, and then I went under one of the ropes towards her and she jumped down and she gave me a hug.  In real life, I haven't seen her for over 3 years, and then I saw P and S, who I also embraced, and I told them "I'm actually going home now... I mean, London".


I ran back to the queue, where the people in it weren't disgruntled that I'd left then re-entered, and I saw J, and asked her which flight she was getting.  She said she was boarding at Gate B, which meant I was in the wrong queue... so I pulled out my ticket, checked where I was boarding... It said B 02/03, so we were both at the wrong gate, and spent ages trying to find it.


Then I was in some sort of boot camp thing (I was actually thinking X Factor style) where I had been before, and was queueing up for breakfast in this hospital canteen style room.  I saw this guy behind me, and introduced myself and asked him if he was one of the new ones or if he'd been here last year, to which he responded positively to the former.  So we had these gray trays, and there was a huge bowl of Frostie's and he started to pick them out one by one into a smaller bowl.  So I laughed and reached up and there were these blunted silver spoons, which we used to pick them out.  Then we sat at this round table, with four or five chairs around it, and this slightly-overweight girl came and sat in between us, and was having a huge bitch to my newly made friend.  The subject of topic then came over, and the two girls had some sort of argument, and then the latter stormed off.  I got up, and walked after her, and got her attention.  She spun round and before she could launch into a tirade, I told her I was just sat there with that boy, I didn't like the girl.. and I just wanted to introduce myself.  She was called Lucy and she was also one of the new ones.


After sitting down again, I spoke to some new person on my right whilst eating my cornflakes, and then someone came over and said, "so you're the girl that can't sip anything!"  He told me he was Chen's friend and he was in one of his videos and invited me to watch one with him.  So I got up, but then was walking in this tunnel, like the one at South Kensington, underground, and there was this trio of workers who were stopping everyone to prime their shoes so they could walk through the tunnel.  I thought, whatever, and tried to get past them but one of them stopped me and made me take my shoes off.and put this thin layer of gray stuff on them and then started talking to me.  We walked along the tunnel to this bar, and sat on the bar stools (the bar was in the tunnel) and we talked about each oher and found out about each other, and then he asked me what I did, and I said I was a student.  I made him pick up my bag which was on the floor and got my NWLHS Trust card and my I ID card.


Then he wanted to pretend to propose in front of his worker friends, and so he picked me up by my knees so I put my hands on his shoulders.  Then we fell and were suddenly outside, in front of my parents' shop and I knew inside that my parents wouldn't approve of this public frolicking so I shrugged him off, and ran inside to my parents.  My mummy was cutting some meat, and told me to look in the cupboard, where I found about 50 boxes of Cheerio's that she got on offer or on sale.

you cut me open and i....

It isn't very often that I feel a conflict between my medical beliefs and my personal beliefs.  Giving blood used to not be one of these, but understanding how much it is needed and how there is a national shortage.  Although... I have seen blood being given by anaesthetists many times: the shortage cannot be THAT bad.


As a medical student, I feel obliged to set an example to my non-medic friends, and to educate them in some small way.  Giving blood is a very noble thing to do, particularly as many people feel that they need all their blood, and only a very small proportion of the population donate.  It doesn't hurt and it could help to save someone's life.  There's a big culture of "oh, my contribution won't make much difference.. I'll just wait for someone else to do it".. but people fail to understand the necessity of blood sometimes.


But personally, I actually do need all my blood.  I don't weigh enough to qualify for blood or bone marrow donation.  I feel faint if I stand up too quickly, and I go through phases of semi anaemia, where I don't eat (anything) and feel tired and weak and breathless.  And yet, I feel somehow like I should do it, I should give some blood.  When better than the present to begin to make a difference to someone's life?


But it's very hard for me to gain weight, and it makes me upset to know I have put it on, if I do.  I actually get on the scales most days and lament if it's over a certain number, despite people saying that scales don't actually have the word "fat" programmed into them.  I go through phases of being bothered by my weight, and comparing myself to other people.  In an ideal world, I'd like to be healthily slim, to match my petite height.


It just frustrates me when people just say, you're blatantly thin.  Just saying something doesn't mean that it's true, or that if you say it enough times, it means it's real.  I don't feel consoled when friends say, stop trying to lose weight.  That's the natural reflex reaction.  No one would ever tell me, yeah you're actually fat, do something about it.  It goes against friend instinct to tell someone something they don't want to hear.

"are you skiving assembly just to meet me?"

 Not had a crazy dream in awhile...

I was in this building, which had two revolving doors at its entrance, both requiring card swipe access before you could get in.  I had this huge bag of stuff in my hand as well as a handbag on my shoulder full of school work, and for some reason I was looking for my purse but I could not find it.  So then I jumped in the lift (literally.  It wa akin to those paternoster things, except you had to press a button to call it, and then jump into the little box thing, and it was super quick.) to the second floor, where the floor was cream coloured and marbled and I found my purse there on the floor nearby the doors.  Even though there were lots of people, no one though it odd that I looked out of place and was picking up my purse.

My keys were meant to be in there, and they were.  Except with no keys.  In real life, I have about 6 keyrings on my keys, each separating a different set of keys.  The keys were not there, and I was panicking about it, as they had 5 housekeys on, some "university key" which does not exist in real life, and my nectar card.  Dumb, I know.  Anyway.  I ran back downstairs, down the stairs which were sort of marbly granite, to the ground floor near the entrance.  I could see it was sunshining, and people were coming in and out.  So I inspected this keyring of keys, and for some reason I decided to run back upstairs, to the second floor.

my keys are of the same sentiment as these in real life, but weigh more

I wasn't sure what I was hoping to gain from this, but near the doors where I found my keyset, there were little pieces of plastic, which I felt would held and be a clue, so I took them, and then calmly walked down the stairs.


Have you ever been stressed about something?  And then you see your best friend or your significant other, and this stress just seems to dissipate and feel insignificant?  Well, that's what happened.  I must have been waiting for someone at the entrance, but I got a phone call from a person (I won't say who, as I know them in real life) and he asked me:
"Hey Carol, where are you?"
"at work. why where are you?"
"in the Wyman building.  do you want to come up?"
"are you skiving assembly just to meet me?" (with happy smile on face)
(I hadn't realised prior to this conversation that I was in the Wyman building)


So I went up quite a few floors, and we embraced and kissed, and chatted for ages, both obviously skiving assembly.. I told him about my loss of keys, and he made sure I retraced my steps, and then just said I could just get them copied, there are back up copies everywhere.


Then I spent all day with this person, clearly we both weren't going to lessons.  We spent the day walking around and talking and then suddenly he disappeared and said, don't worry you'll see me very soon.


Then very weirdly, I was having a dress fitting.  In a supermarket aisle.

The dress was beautiful, floor length with a very flowing skirt which was too long for me; it was hot dusky pink (I am going to have a hard time trying to find you guys a photo!).  The dressmaker put it on me, but it was too big and kept falling down.  It was meant to be one shouldered, and would cover the straples bra that I had on, but it kept slipping down so you could see the bra I was wearing.  Anyway.  I got frustrated, made the dressmaker leave, and fixed it with pins myself.  One of my girl friends was watching, giving advice about where to put the pins.

the dress was the style of the first, with the train of the second. i cannot find a color that fits what i want

Out of nowhere, I heard this music, and then knew I had to stop pinning my dress and walk down the aisle.  I threw on a black coat (one like one I own in real life; it's long and comes to my knees) as I felt it matched the dress and I was cold.  Then as ladies do, I picked up the sides of the very long skirt, and discovered I had black courts on, but with a pointy-ish toe and thought "yes, I put the right shoes on!"  So I asked my friend, am I holding too much up and she told me I had to let the left side go down a little.  I could see that then, equally on both sides, the skirt was still on the floor but realised this was the way it was meant to be.  You were not meant to see my shoes.


All the while, this music was playing and so I started to walk down the supermarket aisle gracefully one step at a time, holding my skirt up as before, yet feeling like there should be someone at my side.  The only hitch in the walk was that I had to sidestep around some discarded black shoes in my way.  I could see another of my girlfriends standing, waiting for me in the room that joined onto the supermarket aisle.


And in that room, I could see displays of flowers, people in suits, people turning to try and see me.... and it was only then that I realised (excitedly) what I was doing, what this dress was for, why the music and so on......  I was marrying this friend who had called me to say he was in the Wyman building!


Once in the room, I could see the guests all arranged as if they were in a lecture theatre: the guests were sitting down, and the row behind the first was slightly raised behind the first, and the second raised more, and so on.  Everyone was wearing white.


I turned to my right, and saw him, dressed very handsomely, and I could see an old man in white, both clearly awaiting me.  Unusually, both I and the husband-to-be were facing the guests.  Traditionally, the bride and groom have their backs to the guests, or at least, they are side on.


----


I thought I would write this dream, because never before have things happened in a dream, where dream me had no clue what was going on, and had to figure things out in the dream to work out what was happening.  I hope that I do not realise I am becoming married in such a manner.

I like this manner of finding pictures to describe things in my dream.  Thoughts?

xo






Images are all from google images