i found the letter you wrote me.. it still smells just like you

Finally finished Dan Brown's 'The Lost Symbol' after so long!  I bought this book in September, or October, but never had time to read it.  Because of the short timeline of all the books, I didn't want to read it over a long period of time.  The previous four books hold clues to what is in TLS, and it seems to be a culmination of the series.  I will be disappointed if Dan Brown releases another in this series.  Basically, the plot revolves around Masonic rituals, and the legends and myths that surround them, set in Washington.  It's lovely that little things in the previous four books point towards things in The Lost Symbol, like the decoding, the "sin cere", the scientific references....  It will be very interesting in film form, particularly because it doesn't involve Christian themes, like the other two did.  The style of writing was very different as well: it seems as if Dan Brown is loath to end every short chapter with an attempt at suspense.


It's so good to be home!  The time is going by quickly: I've been back a week already, almost.  I have read 3 books, found some TV series I want to watch, done some work.....  I think I want to start watching Lost again.  I kept up with 3 of the seasons, but stopped because I didn't have the time to watch it.  There were too many questions left unanswered, and I am one of those people who dislikes unanswered plotlines.  Now it's over and I know what happens in the finale, I can sort of work backwards and work out what's going on.  I get jumpy in dramas or action type things, as many people I know can attest.  But I've always been okay with Lost.  It's something to do with the many advert breaks.  The boxset is waayy expensive, and it's too big to get off iTunes or whatever. :(  Amazon has it for £134!  I'd never spend so much on DVDs!  I don't even think I've bought that many DVDs... I think I've only ever bought 2.  But ultimately, as you know with something that lasts that long, Lost's themes revolve around reflection of life and death, just drawn out over 6 seasons, with some weird twists.


The weather the first few days was lovely but now it's cold again.  Maybe I just feel the cold a lot.  Now it's rained and it's cold and I'm trying to manage wearing one layer of clothing as normal people do in summer :/  My sister's finished uni, and we went yesterday to tidy her room and move everything out - I have never seen so much stuff in one room!  I had a really strong urge to go clean up my place, except it would have involved hours of travel and the desire would have worn off by then.  I periodically go through my belongings and throw stuff out or give my clothes to charity and just make the place look better and get rid of things I don't need.





This video is quite poorly directed, but sounds summery... never really been one for convention, and I'm not ashamed that I love this song.  When I drive places on my own, I always have music playing and I like to sing along... hope people don't think I'm crazy!

today is a winding road

4th year is over!!!  Can't believe I've made it 4 years through university!!!  My presentation was a bit :S but I am glad that it is over!  Currently trying to watch the latest Gossip Girl via the internet; it was the season finale yesterday.  Bought some books :) and some Muji candles so I can have some relaxing evenings in.. they'd be lovely for the summer.  I've been trying hard to find a lovely scented candle, so I thought I'd try some Muji ones.  I love Muji & their kooky Japanese sense of style.

Looking forward to the rest of this week... vague plans to see friends etc, nothing concrete.  Home on Saturday !

Gotten myself out of my sad rut, with the help of my friends.  Almost felt like crying when A asked me how I was getting on without P :'(  In truth, I've been finding it more difficult than I realised, and more than I like to let on.  I've been to Hyde Park, and walked quite long distances... for me.  I'm not a good person for walking.. If I walk too far I get really achey feet and a sore lower back and need to sit down.  I think I just can't stand up for long periods of time... I'm getting old....!! But it was lovely!  There was much good chat and much photo taking.  At the weekend, we went in search of some of the elephants on the parade (I'd read about it on TimeOut last week) around Hyde Park.  I'm not really one for visiting touristy areas, and a lot of them are in touristy places.... so I guess I'll just wait for the RCH exhibition :D

I've been a pretty rubbish friend these past few months.  I've not bought several people their birthday presents.  So I spent a couple of hours last night trying to decide what to get for one person, eventually changing my original gift idea, and now I think I have a good idea.  One person down... like 3 to go.  Speaking of birthdays, I'm excited for mine.  It's sort of bittersweet, as it's the first one I'll have spent without my family... but I'll have all my friends to celebrate with me :)  In lieu of a boyfriend present, I'll also do his job and buy myself lots of little gifts.  I felt kinda guilty last year because he got me lots, and I've not bought him a gift for ages :(  But he told me it was okay.. because he had and has everything he wanted, materially and emotionally.  I think his long term goal and desires involve getting as many experiences as he can, or 'collecting' them.... That's why he's off farming, skydiving, diving, paragliding, parachuting, jumping... whatever it is (?)  And he knows I'm still materialistic.

Anyway.  Several posts coming soon! Hope you're all well xoxo

now it seems to me that you know just what to say

in that lonely time, you told me to be stronger (dA: curioso)

So I'm up doing some stuff at the moment, various bits and pieces, so it occurred to me that I hadn't written here for ages.  Thank you to all those people who keep checking back constantly to see if there's a new post!  I just felt that after posting every day in April, I'd lost my blogging ability.  It got hard for a while trying to decide what to blog about... seriously, my life is not that exciting, or interesting.  So I thought I'd take a break, pursue other writing interests and also use that time to focus on my uni work.  But it's late, I'm not working right now, I thought I'd take a few minutes to write here!


Life's been a bit strange for me recently.  I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future.  He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to.  Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns.  It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.


I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves.  I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good.  I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength.  I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away.  Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel.  I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months.  I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment.  I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like?  When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?


In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy.  I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday.  I can't wait, because I really need to see my family.  My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay.  Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education.  Small things are making me upset.  Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes.  But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while.  My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay.  This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.


My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time.  At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday.  When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer.  At university, they were just crazily long.  But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done.  There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do.  But I'm excited for the next year to begin.


Usually, I don't follow fashion.  A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes.  But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now.  For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth?  But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.


I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans.  It scared me into waking up :/


I've also become a serious geek for the environment.  Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment.  That's probably all I'll say on the matter here....  Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward.  I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle.  It feels weird.  Not much progress but.... small baby steps..


Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more.  I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!


The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this!  Enjoy! And comment! xo

but words are only words,

can you show me something else?

can you swear to me that you'll always be this way,

show me how you feel, more than ever