Studying history of medicine allows us to understand how we got to where we are now in terms of medical care, and to understand past lessons. For me, it is about balancing my beliefs and my practice. When I lived at home, I used to take what medicines my parents told me to. We had lots of herbal remedies, based on roots of plants and trees, and flowers, and seeds and beans, and this ointment that I swear by. My parents - I don't know if it applies to Eastern medical tradition - believe that disease is caued by an imbalance of something. I am reluctant to say what the "something" is, as I know it's not the four humours. It's "heat" for want of a better word: I know that in Chinese, there must be thousands of words that have no literal translations, and this is one of them.
I use cupping, which is not the thing with candles inside, it's based on pressure. I am not entirely sure if it works, but I don't like taking medications. I have it if I know that my pain won't be alleviated in a few hours. The way it works is very interesting to me, and I know that whilst it may not work, it gives me peace of mind that I am doing something, and for my mother, who seems to worry about my health a lot more than I do. Which is saying something. I do not use it often. It feels nice in a weird way, and it helps me to understand that a lot of the time, pain is psychosomatic. By my belief that having done SOMETHING in order to make pain go away, it does go away.
But I am finding it hard to reconcile what I have known in the past and what I am learning today.
I take a lot of traditional medicines and drink herbal drinks and so on, because ultimately, I believe that there is no need for synthetic medicine. There are things in Nature whose uses have been ignored, in favour of a longer shelf life etc. I am not ashamed of doing so and believing it.
I don't particularly like taking medicine, as I know that we're not meant to. I only take paracetamol very very rarely. When I have period pain, I try not to take it, even though I know it provides instant relief. And it can really hurt and last for up to a day. I know that we are meant to be stronger than we think: people existed without medicines for years and years and years. The advent of the pharmaceutical industry is making us soft. I don't want to harm my body anymore than necessary.
And yet, I find it hard to explain my health beliefs to people. I feel that people I have told in the past do not listen with an open and/or receptive mind, and they can't understand why I believe it. Or maybe it is just my ineloquence. I know they judge me for using "alternative medicine", and think I'm a bit strange to use such methods, and to use such ointments and so on, when for me, western medicine is the alternative. I don't feel as though I have come across anyone who has listened to me with an actively unjudging mind, boyfriend included. But I understand that it is because people do not like what is different. Change has to come gradually, and it has to have some sort of evidence for it to be accepted.
I think this is partly why I am so reluctant to seek medical help. I don't feel as though I am a hypochondriac. I know what real pain feels like, I don't have to pretend it is there. Because I don't like interventional medicine, I actively avoid acting in a way that makes it obvious that anything is wrong. I know P will read this one day and think "wtf is she talking about?" because I talk about my symptoms with him a lot, but even though I worry about my frequent hurting myself, my first thought is not "let's go seek medical help". I remember when P took me to A&E, and I commented on the way that I didn't want to inconvenience the doctors and he was quick to reply that that was what they were they for.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
Katy Perry + 2009 Grammy Awards
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| from google images |
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| this one and the above: gettyimages |
I may be totally slow on the uptake, but I saw Katy Perry in this dress in a 2009 review in Glamour. It's by Basil Soda.
Looooove
Girl crush?? I think so!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
two books that changed my life
Three summers ago, I went to a bookshop, in search of reading material. There was a 3 for 2 deal on, and I'd chosen two books, and I saw "The God Delusion" on the shelves. I had heard of it, and so bought it to see what the fuss was about. The first time I read it, it took me a long time, because I didn't understand a lot of the concepts, or I wouldn't let myself understand them (I'm not sure which). I saw it more of a discourse, rather than a life changing book, and I know that we have the right to free speech here, and I saw it as a written extension of that. I don't like rocking the waters and inviting controversy into my life.
And yet, moving to university, especially one that focusses heavily on science and technology, I began to understand that people who are scientists come to slowly understand how the world works, and understand that there is no Divine Intervention. My relgious beliefs were aleady sitting uneasily with me, yet I was reluctant to let go. I knew I didn't believe in the majority of it, but I was reluctant to believe that there is nothing in this world that makes it feasible for there to be no Higher Being.
And so, reading this book again, I found one of the key concepts very interesting and taking about a week to read it (I used to read slow), I slowly came to the realisation that I had already let go of religion, but I was clinging more to its ideal. And this is why I consider this book to be instrumental in my life (life changing, you'd say).
I don't want to offend anyone religious or who is a follower of any religion. I respect their beliefs, and I feel that people should be allowed to believe and feel what they want. People may think that it's wrong and false, but I hope that I have never acted in a way that made anyone think that I actively extol the advantage of being atheist, and if I have done so, I am sorry: I did it without knowing the impact of my actions.
There is one other book that changed who I am, and I will remember it for the very very rest of my life. It's called "A Million Little Pieces" and is a book I initially found very hard to understand, and I think I have written about it here before.
Every single time I read it, it makes me cry several times. It is the harsh experience of a drug addict going through rehab, and it is truly harrowing and haunting. It challenged my prejudices, and helped me to understand more. Because of this book, I now respect my body in the sense that I don't give it medication. It taught me the importance of taking chances that come to you, and further soldified the idea that we should not regret. (again, something I have repeated often) But the opening story (I forget all the details) describe someone who has broken something into "a million little pieces" and he asks someone to help him fix it, but he says no, it's broken beyond repair, it's "a million little pieces". It's truly moving.
More so than any book, I feel like this one has really changed me. I actually bought this book on Valentine's Day (I confess the real reason is because I saw it in the shop and it glittered, as if there were a million stars on it) and started to read it. I found the style quite different, and didn't read it again for a few months. I don't regret that. I read it at a particularly emotionally challenging time in my life and I feel like it helped me to put things into perspective.
 |
| from google images |
And yet, moving to university, especially one that focusses heavily on science and technology, I began to understand that people who are scientists come to slowly understand how the world works, and understand that there is no Divine Intervention. My relgious beliefs were aleady sitting uneasily with me, yet I was reluctant to let go. I knew I didn't believe in the majority of it, but I was reluctant to believe that there is nothing in this world that makes it feasible for there to be no Higher Being.
And so, reading this book again, I found one of the key concepts very interesting and taking about a week to read it (I used to read slow), I slowly came to the realisation that I had already let go of religion, but I was clinging more to its ideal. And this is why I consider this book to be instrumental in my life (life changing, you'd say).
I don't want to offend anyone religious or who is a follower of any religion. I respect their beliefs, and I feel that people should be allowed to believe and feel what they want. People may think that it's wrong and false, but I hope that I have never acted in a way that made anyone think that I actively extol the advantage of being atheist, and if I have done so, I am sorry: I did it without knowing the impact of my actions.
There is one other book that changed who I am, and I will remember it for the very very rest of my life. It's called "A Million Little Pieces" and is a book I initially found very hard to understand, and I think I have written about it here before.
 |
| from google images |
Every single time I read it, it makes me cry several times. It is the harsh experience of a drug addict going through rehab, and it is truly harrowing and haunting. It challenged my prejudices, and helped me to understand more. Because of this book, I now respect my body in the sense that I don't give it medication. It taught me the importance of taking chances that come to you, and further soldified the idea that we should not regret. (again, something I have repeated often) But the opening story (I forget all the details) describe someone who has broken something into "a million little pieces" and he asks someone to help him fix it, but he says no, it's broken beyond repair, it's "a million little pieces". It's truly moving.
More so than any book, I feel like this one has really changed me. I actually bought this book on Valentine's Day (I confess the real reason is because I saw it in the shop and it glittered, as if there were a million stars on it) and started to read it. I found the style quite different, and didn't read it again for a few months. I don't regret that. I read it at a particularly emotionally challenging time in my life and I feel like it helped me to put things into perspective.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
a very medical few days
When I first started medical school, my parents were very proud of me, my school was proud of me, and I was scared that I would not live up to their expectations. Studying for the first two years, learning the theory, separated into different themes, didn't seem very doctor-like, and yet there was always a sense that it would go towards something, that I was working for some as yet unknown thing. I have often thought about the way that we are taught medicine. For example, medical schools can teach the traditional way, they can integrate teaching with PBL and communication and ethics and so forth, or they can base it around PBL, with extras added on. I never really thought about the way that we have come to learn about medicine before.
Taking History of Medicine as a specialist course has opened up my ideas about the way that medicine was perceived in the past, and how its role in society has changed and how it's more accepted, and now patients have the power to challenge their doctors, compared to the patriarchal system as it used to be. Our class had the chance to visit the Hunterian Museum, in the Royal College of Surgeons, a building which, I feel, doesn't compare to some other buildings I have seen in London, and also surpasses my feelings of other buildings. The museum looks very modern, and contains many specimens, both of animals and humans. There are instruments and many displays, many of which I didn't get to look at. Combined with a reason to eludicate the anatomy of the human body, I think physicians were curious about the body, and its inner workings. I do think that Nature doesn't do anything for no reason, I don't feel as if there are many things that are now redundant. I suppose evolution finetunes things.
In particular, I found the preservation of the Evelyn Tables to be very interesting, almost mapping the human body in veins, arteries and nerves. It felt very... touching almost to see these laid out. It felt different to seeing cadaveric specimens. The reproductive part interested me greatly too; there were embryos and fetuses of various gestational ages, which made me feel sad in a way. A lot of specimens I have seen in the past, cadaveric or plastinated have forced an emotional detachment, but seeing fetuses preserved in glass bottles, although serves the purpose of educating the student, brings home the point that sometimes dissection comes at a price. There was also a skull of a hydrocephalic person, which was grossly dilated. I've studied the in utero abnormalities during my time at medical school, and this translated for me just how much I underestimated the scale of what it can be like.
At the weekend, I went to the Maternal and Women's Health Conference, hosted in SAF and organised by the ICSM TropMed Society. It was interesting in that it covered topics that are not normally touched upon during the undergraduate course, and provoked emotions in me that in a way brought out a protective instinct. The Millennium Development Goals, to me, are a set of ideals that the world is working towards, and although we ARE working towards it, it seems to be slow progress. And one of the speakers told us that in order for all of these to be obtained for women, they must have female empowerment. Basically, men are preventing women's ability to decide their own fertility.
And lastly, I had an hour long conversation with my mummy, trying to explain to her about microvascular decompression, vivas and variation in operation risk.
Fun times :)
Taking History of Medicine as a specialist course has opened up my ideas about the way that medicine was perceived in the past, and how its role in society has changed and how it's more accepted, and now patients have the power to challenge their doctors, compared to the patriarchal system as it used to be. Our class had the chance to visit the Hunterian Museum, in the Royal College of Surgeons, a building which, I feel, doesn't compare to some other buildings I have seen in London, and also surpasses my feelings of other buildings. The museum looks very modern, and contains many specimens, both of animals and humans. There are instruments and many displays, many of which I didn't get to look at. Combined with a reason to eludicate the anatomy of the human body, I think physicians were curious about the body, and its inner workings. I do think that Nature doesn't do anything for no reason, I don't feel as if there are many things that are now redundant. I suppose evolution finetunes things.
In particular, I found the preservation of the Evelyn Tables to be very interesting, almost mapping the human body in veins, arteries and nerves. It felt very... touching almost to see these laid out. It felt different to seeing cadaveric specimens. The reproductive part interested me greatly too; there were embryos and fetuses of various gestational ages, which made me feel sad in a way. A lot of specimens I have seen in the past, cadaveric or plastinated have forced an emotional detachment, but seeing fetuses preserved in glass bottles, although serves the purpose of educating the student, brings home the point that sometimes dissection comes at a price. There was also a skull of a hydrocephalic person, which was grossly dilated. I've studied the in utero abnormalities during my time at medical school, and this translated for me just how much I underestimated the scale of what it can be like.
At the weekend, I went to the Maternal and Women's Health Conference, hosted in SAF and organised by the ICSM TropMed Society. It was interesting in that it covered topics that are not normally touched upon during the undergraduate course, and provoked emotions in me that in a way brought out a protective instinct. The Millennium Development Goals, to me, are a set of ideals that the world is working towards, and although we ARE working towards it, it seems to be slow progress. And one of the speakers told us that in order for all of these to be obtained for women, they must have female empowerment. Basically, men are preventing women's ability to decide their own fertility.
And lastly, I had an hour long conversation with my mummy, trying to explain to her about microvascular decompression, vivas and variation in operation risk.
Fun times :)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
tell me... why'd you have to make things so complicated?
Having a My Chemical Romance rediscovery. I used to really like them, I have all their albums and used to play the newest one all the time when it came out. As time goes by, I think I become less and less musically open minded. I find I have less time to listen to music and thus don't. I mean, I know mainstream music, and I youtube a lot of things but it still doesn't feel the same somehow. I dislike how music can define people. Grunge, pop and rock music can define what people wear, and how they react to different situations, and that concept is something I find odd. Just because you listen to music symbolising one thing doesn't mean you have to figurise it in the way you dress.
And onto a slightly different note, why do the majority of people at my uni dress in neutral or dark colors?
And onto a slightly different note, why do the majority of people at my uni dress in neutral or dark colors?
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
of friends, and old friends
Had a weird dream just before I woke, and have time to myself as the boy is still asleep and I am waiting for my hair to dry.
I was reading my messages, as it was my birthday, and I had one from a guy I was on firms with, D. He had sent me a message, not acknowledging my birthday, but merely to ask me if I wanted to headline his festival that he was organising. I thought, OK, I know of some good bands that I can suggest and ask them, because I don't play any instruments and I don't sing all that good. The gig was going to be on Valentine's Day, 14th February, but the fact that it was Valentine's Day wasn't bothering me.
So I emailed some bands. Random Hand and Mouthwash came to mind, because although I have not seen them or heard their music, my friend T loooves them, and that's why they got suggested. So I checked their myspaces, and saw one of them had a gig on 15th Feb, so they'd be more likely to do one on the 14th, so I sent them a message asking so.
Then I was at home, though it was a place I feel as though I have never been to. It was Feb 13th, and D had sent me another message, saying that he had to pay money for some artists to perform at his festival, and didn't have enough for the headliner, he still hadn't had one, it was still listed as "special guest headliner" but he reallllly needed one. I had to go and meet T, to ask her about her progress with convincing RH/M to perform. Instead of using my own car, my dad dropped me off in a carpark, where I saw T right in the corner, peeking out of a blue car. I said, "that's her that's her!" and ran out of the car.
So we were talking for a while, and then I was aware that I was in this very beautiful room, akin to the decor inside the V&A....
I was sat at a table with R, trying to explain something to him, but I kept being distracted by a couple sat on a table behind R. They were both people I know, one very well, but both not anymore. She had decreased in attractiveness, although still quite pretty, and she was wearing a pale coloured dress. He however had dyed his hair so that it was dark brown and was wearing a suit and looked very smart. I kept remarking that he was good looking, and he was giving such a look of adoration to his dining partner, as maybe happened in life. I always thought there was a flirtiness between them.
-----
The reason I feel it fitting to write this dream, though it might not be so interesting, is because the boy is someone who was instrumental at one point in my life, though he will never know it, and whilst I have not spoken to him of late or even recent late, maybe I will go say hello!
All images found via google images
I was reading my messages, as it was my birthday, and I had one from a guy I was on firms with, D. He had sent me a message, not acknowledging my birthday, but merely to ask me if I wanted to headline his festival that he was organising. I thought, OK, I know of some good bands that I can suggest and ask them, because I don't play any instruments and I don't sing all that good. The gig was going to be on Valentine's Day, 14th February, but the fact that it was Valentine's Day wasn't bothering me.
So I emailed some bands. Random Hand and Mouthwash came to mind, because although I have not seen them or heard their music, my friend T loooves them, and that's why they got suggested. So I checked their myspaces, and saw one of them had a gig on 15th Feb, so they'd be more likely to do one on the 14th, so I sent them a message asking so.
Then I was at home, though it was a place I feel as though I have never been to. It was Feb 13th, and D had sent me another message, saying that he had to pay money for some artists to perform at his festival, and didn't have enough for the headliner, he still hadn't had one, it was still listed as "special guest headliner" but he reallllly needed one. I had to go and meet T, to ask her about her progress with convincing RH/M to perform. Instead of using my own car, my dad dropped me off in a carpark, where I saw T right in the corner, peeking out of a blue car. I said, "that's her that's her!" and ran out of the car.
So we were talking for a while, and then I was aware that I was in this very beautiful room, akin to the decor inside the V&A....
I was sat at a table with R, trying to explain something to him, but I kept being distracted by a couple sat on a table behind R. They were both people I know, one very well, but both not anymore. She had decreased in attractiveness, although still quite pretty, and she was wearing a pale coloured dress. He however had dyed his hair so that it was dark brown and was wearing a suit and looked very smart. I kept remarking that he was good looking, and he was giving such a look of adoration to his dining partner, as maybe happened in life. I always thought there was a flirtiness between them.
-----
The reason I feel it fitting to write this dream, though it might not be so interesting, is because the boy is someone who was instrumental at one point in my life, though he will never know it, and whilst I have not spoken to him of late or even recent late, maybe I will go say hello!
All images found via google images
danish pastry
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| google images |
just feel like having one! partly inspired by my OSCE tutor preparation (it's a mnenomic)
AND.... check out these biscuits! From biscuiteers.co.uk
Now tell me these pictures aren't making you SLIGHTLY hungry????
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Chinese New Year and Valentine's Day!
Firstly, happy Chinese New Year / Spring Festival to everyone. I hope this year brings you love and happiness.
It's also Valentine's Day... Not really doing anything special. Just had a really nice relaxed weekend - first one in months - and I'm going to cook my special Chinese New Year meal tonight for us. We had brunch in Giraffe yesterday, where I always have the veggie brunch if it's the right time: it's so yummy, and always makes me feel as though I should bother to cook a cooked breakfast in the morning. P continued to organise his time away, and I did some work and wrote an EMQ test for the OSCE tutees I have on Wednesday. Watched Friends (still not finished the boxset yet, although watching 6.5 seasons during January until 10th Feb is rather impressive, seeing as though each season is over 8 hours long :)
Special thankyou to P, who fed me and kept me sane during my whole BSc revision stressing/exam period/study leave. Love xx
It's also Valentine's Day... Not really doing anything special. Just had a really nice relaxed weekend - first one in months - and I'm going to cook my special Chinese New Year meal tonight for us. We had brunch in Giraffe yesterday, where I always have the veggie brunch if it's the right time: it's so yummy, and always makes me feel as though I should bother to cook a cooked breakfast in the morning. P continued to organise his time away, and I did some work and wrote an EMQ test for the OSCE tutees I have on Wednesday. Watched Friends (still not finished the boxset yet, although watching 6.5 seasons during January until 10th Feb is rather impressive, seeing as though each season is over 8 hours long :)
Special thankyou to P, who fed me and kept me sane during my whole BSc revision stressing/exam period/study leave. Love xx
Friday, February 12, 2010
i look at you, and smile because i'm fine
Feel all the... I don't know how to describe it? Exhaustion? That feeling after you've worked so hard for some exams, and then the day after you crash out? I remember Rich telling me about it once last year. Felt fine this morning and totally crashed out this afternoon. We were playing card games and talking and everyone was talking really loudly, probably myself included, and it was just making me irritable and tired. I feel as though I have had 5 months of girly time, doing Repro, and that I've been able to chat about things and gossip and complain and so on, and spending time with guys feels different; they talk about computer games and films I don't have any interest in seeing, and I sort of feel out of the loop slightly.
It has been lovely to be able to sleep, and not work hard every day. It is Valentine's Day this weekend, as well as Chinese New Year on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. It is for this latter reason that I am not really celebrating Valentine's Day with the boy; we spend so much time together and it's not really about the buying stuff is it? And I am not going to see Boys Like Girls at the o2 in Islington. But I have actually seen them twice already so...
Been loving these songs of recent: Helena by My Chemical Romance, which actually has meaning if you listen and think about the lyrics... (oh, that's probably an emo statement. They put so much feeling into their songs, but only emo people can figure it out???) But I really love it anyway. I love the color scheme in the video. And Somebody Told Me by The Killers, which I love dancing around to :)
It has been lovely to be able to sleep, and not work hard every day. It is Valentine's Day this weekend, as well as Chinese New Year on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. It is for this latter reason that I am not really celebrating Valentine's Day with the boy; we spend so much time together and it's not really about the buying stuff is it? And I am not going to see Boys Like Girls at the o2 in Islington. But I have actually seen them twice already so...
Been loving these songs of recent: Helena by My Chemical Romance, which actually has meaning if you listen and think about the lyrics... (oh, that's probably an emo statement. They put so much feeling into their songs, but only emo people can figure it out???) But I really love it anyway. I love the color scheme in the video. And Somebody Told Me by The Killers, which I love dancing around to :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
can you hear me? are you near me?
Hello! It has been so long since I have written; I am so sorry if you have been checking this site but had nothing to read! I have signed into blogger to look at my blogger dashboard following type thingy, but not really had time to post anything, or indeed I have not had much to write about. Finished my exams, for my BSc :) So glad. Have gotten really stressed over the revision/non revision of said exams, with a total of nearly 150 lectures to revise! But all is over now, and life can once more resume.
I have sooo much to do. Really want to book tickets to the Shakespeare's Globe season this year, it's Kings and Rogues, and I was thinking about Macbeth and one other. I have history of medicine starting this Monday. I need to buy skincare items, and restock my cupboards, as I have been living off biscuits of recent. I must lose weight and start to swim at Ethos.
Other than revision, this past month has been non descript. P has been planning all these trips during his time away; I am slightly jealous because I have never been travelling and have probably missed all major opportunities to do so. I got my elective groups and 5th year groups; pretty pleased with them :D I have Paeds and Psych first, the two that look very interesting :D
OSCE tutoring starting soon, both sets next week. Basically, the year 4's teach the year 3's OSCE stuff, so I have two sets of two students, two of whom seem rather keen, and two of whom I have not heard from. I was thinking of setting them EMQ tests and doing a mock OSCE for them and everything.
Anyway. More news later!
I have sooo much to do. Really want to book tickets to the Shakespeare's Globe season this year, it's Kings and Rogues, and I was thinking about Macbeth and one other. I have history of medicine starting this Monday. I need to buy skincare items, and restock my cupboards, as I have been living off biscuits of recent. I must lose weight and start to swim at Ethos.
Other than revision, this past month has been non descript. P has been planning all these trips during his time away; I am slightly jealous because I have never been travelling and have probably missed all major opportunities to do so. I got my elective groups and 5th year groups; pretty pleased with them :D I have Paeds and Psych first, the two that look very interesting :D
OSCE tutoring starting soon, both sets next week. Basically, the year 4's teach the year 3's OSCE stuff, so I have two sets of two students, two of whom seem rather keen, and two of whom I have not heard from. I was thinking of setting them EMQ tests and doing a mock OSCE for them and everything.
Anyway. More news later!
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