"i'll save it until 9....."

A weird dream...........


I was in my room, in London, and there were three people in my bed.  P, a girl who looked Amy Winehouse-esque called Jess, and a blonde girl; the three of them were taking up so much room I couldn't fit in (though to be fair, it was just a double bed).  The two girls kept kicking me, so I went off on one to our tutor (who was at the other end of the room) and told the girls off. (P was asleep during the whole encounter).


Then I went to the bathroom, where I heard these people discussing a night out, so I went to round up a group of people.  We assembled at Gloucester Road station... a few of my girl and guy friends, and some people I didn't know....; it was sunny, and about 7pm-ish.  Perez Hilton was there (??) and being really loud, and I linked arms with Shane from Westlife (hey, don't ask) and I was saying in a conspiratory (sp?) voice, "I hate gay people who are really loud and obnoxious" (I do NOT feel like this in real life!) and he agreed, and so did Lance from *N Sync (who is actually gay) and the guy who plays Mini Me in Austin Powers, and some guy with ginger hair.  So we all had a group hug :)  Then we walked up Gloucester Road, and it was 7.15, and very sunny, but the party we were going to only started at 9.


So I went to talk to Perez, and said where's the party?  He was like, it's at the end of the Piccadilly line so we had enough time to waste by walking there.  I also remember being completely off my face drunk and laughing lots and talking really loudly (as I am so wont to do?) the whoooole time.  I also remember that he was singing some lyrics from a song.  I told some girls behind me, look it's near Tower Hill.  If you're getting the tube, just go to Tower Hill then call me for directions.


So off we walked, then we got there, except it was to Perez's house.  There were roadworks at either side of the road, and loads of traffic.  I could see P and his friends crossing the road one way, and then we were trying to cross the other way.  Except... in my dream, we didn't recognise each other.  Anyway, so we crossed over eventually, and I tried to guess which was his house.  I knew it wasn't in one block, because I knew all the people that lived there, and I could hear this music blasting out really loudly.  He then went to the door of the room with the loud music, and he went inside.  It was real small, a white double bed, a desk, a wardrobe and a bathroom.  And the song I could hear was the same as the one he was singing earlier.


Perez then went to pull out some chocolates from his pocket (they were white and plain chocolate monkeys) and offered me one, which I declined.  He was then going to eat them all, but then said he would save them until 9.  I then asked him, "why've you chosen to live here?"  He said, "well, loads of people contacted me to say I could live in their house because I'm foreign, and this one was £10.05 a week, and there's a school nearby".


One of the girls then rang me, and said she was at Tower Hill station and needed directions, so I passed my phone over to Perez to issue directions.


But then I woke up.... sorry for the few updates of recent: I'll do some soon!

sense of style is eternal

So this sweet girl commented on my blog, and I found this tag thingy.  There's loads of those youtube "what's in your purse" bag, which I like watching sometimes, as I'm nosy.  I'll do one..... soon!


So I guess this is "things I have done"?

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with dolphins    [really want to]
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone   [i love candles]
08. Said "I love you" and meant it   [yeah, i didn't mean it for my first serious boyfriend]
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris    [love it!  I LOVE the French culture]
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights

15. Gone to a huge sports game   [Chelsea v Arsenal]
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne   [yeah, it's just one of those drinks]
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and didn't care who was looking
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country     [if by foreign country, you mean Camden?  I did once, in Camden]
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign

46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Taken a midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain

63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theatre
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch 
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on a television news program as an "expert"
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date    [never really had a first date]
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold    [embarrassing story.....]
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for 30 hours in a 48 hour period
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. States
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone's life

why i don't eat sugar

I've only done this once before in my life, around November/December 2008, and I never really appreciated why I did it.  It was more for moral support rather than wanting to be any healthier.


I read somewhere that cutting out sugar will allow me to lose excess weight.  And so far, it's sort of working.  I've lost 3 lbs in 3 weeks.  Which for normal weight loss is actually really good.  But the reason I am doing it is because I noticed I was eating lots of junk food, i.e. cakes, chocolate, biscuits, cookies, fruit pies and the like and it was making me gain weight (to a weight heavier than I have ever been before) and it was making me upset.  So I decided one day, "today's the day I will stop eating sugar".  So I did it.  I had cravings for two days, then it subsided and now I don't miss it much at all.


Since then, I have only had sugar once, in cake form, because we went to the V&A and R had owed me and so we're now even in cake-buying debt.  And I didn't have sugar throughout the day, just that one time at lunch, and that was all.


But fear not, it's just processed sugar.  I still eat fruit.  It's unnatural to eat processed sugar.  I think it links in with my fear of being fat, and is related to my dislike of obese people.  (Don't even get me started)  Two of my close friends voiced the opinion that they were worried about me.  I'm almost probably not fat, but I know this is an issue I need to work through on my own.


I feel a lot healthier, but also a lot more tired, as I used to rely on sugar to give me energy.  Sometimes I find it difficult, like when I get stressed, I want some chocolate, but for the most part it isn't too bad.


Via experimentation and past knowledge, I know that my body cannot fall below a certain weight unless I make hugely drastic changes which I could never do.  So please don't worry. I only have a few more pounds I would like to lose.


And don't blame the boy - he probably has the most influence upon my eating habits when I am at university but he knows that when I get on the scales in the morning and see that the figure is higher than what I would like to be makes me feel really really upset.

found via google images

PS.  Check out this website: http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com ;; it makes me feel very ill :(

sing like you want this

 Sorry about the slacking on posts about my life.... there have been some things I've wanted to talk about, yet not really had time to do.


new things in my life:
1. History of medicine has now finished: kinda sad that it has.  It was really interesting and I would have been happy to have 5 more weeks of lectures.  Now we have to do a research project.  The assignments we had weren't so bad.. the first one was, as it was 1000 words but the other two were fine (ish).


2. I've been walking lots and lots, 'cos I live near college.  So I feel a bit healthier, even though I'm still sleepy a lot. (Slept 12 hours last night though....)  It's nice to see people out and about, and I get to see all the cute schoolkids being taken to school.


3. I've lost 3 lbs :) (of excess weight)  For a few years now, my weight has been pretty much stable, within a 1kg range, but these past few months it's been increasing, probably due to a very bad diet (seriously, I used to eat fruit pies and huge muffins and chocolate A LOT) and lack of exercise due to need for revision and using public transport a lot instead of walking.
 
4. My flat is full of boxes, and it sort of has that "very lived in" look that it never ever had before.  I've never really shown people around my flat, or invited them back, as it's too small to entertain people, and it's always been messy.  Now it's tidy (I threw a LOT of stuff out last week: I realised I just wasn't using it or didn't need it and donated a lot of books to charity) but it's maximally using the space that I do have, so that I am not getting out of bed and tripping over a bag of clothes.


5. Been OSCE tutoring... it's weird to think how much I have forgotten, and yet what random things I do remember.


6. P only has a couple of weeks left in the UK, and in a way, it still doesn't feel real that he is going.  It saddens me, because I realise how much I have come to rely on him.  I feel like I'm one of those people that requires some looking after to make sure I eat properly and needs someone to listen to me.






Looove this song....  Youtube wouldn't let me embed the official video, so here's the acoustic one.

♫ just for tonight, just maybe we made it...

make-up tag

What's your favourite make up look?
Neutral looks


Do you have a beauty vice?
I spend many pennies on skincare


What part of your body do you love?
Erm... My feet


Who is your beauty icon?
Coco Chanel


What beauty product makes you feel instantly sexy?
I wouldn't say products made me feel sexy... more clothes, or perfume


How do you look after your skin?
Very well.  I drink lots of water, I moisturise, I use intense moisturiser on top of that, I try to eat balanced and well.

What is your signature scent?
this vanilla thing I have


What are your hair care secrets?
Shampoo it.  Properly.

How do you pamper yourself?
Have a duvet day, where I sit on the sofa or in bed and read or watch DVDs or films and eat chocolate and just do nothing stressful


What is your beauty pet peeve?
People who wear too much make up, for no reason

What would your desert island must haves be?
electricity, computer+internet, a library, some blankets, a filter bag


Finally, do you have a beauty philosophy?
Beauty comes from within!

question tag

1. What time did you get up this morning? 7.15am


2.How do you like you like your steak? I've only ever had it once.  It was slightly pink in the middle but was soft.


3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Alice in Wonderland 3D


4. What is your favorite TV show? Don't really watch any TV programme with any regularity


5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Milan


6. What did you have for breakfast? two slices of toast and Flora butter


7. What is your favorite cuisine? Asian fusion


8. What foods do you dislike? brussel sprouts, most red meat


9. Favorite place to eat? Chez Patrick


10. Favorite dressing? none


11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? A black Ford Ka


12. What are your favorite clothes? dresses so I can feel girly, otherwise design tshirts


13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Rome, Venice, New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong, America, specifically Hawaii


14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? 1/2 fullllllll


15. Where would you want to retire? on a country farmhouse, where there is sun, where I can have my bunnies, kittens, puppies, elephants, kangaroos, squirrels, hedgehogs, giraffes, polar bears, husky dogs, ob/ob mice and a big Alsatian (back story: I want all these animals, although it's probably not possible to have them all in one non-zoo place)


16. Favorite time of day? morning


17. Where were you born? Bury


18. What is your favorite sport to watch?gymnastics, swimming, iceskating


19. Who do you think will not tag you back? /


20. Person you expect to tag you back first?/


21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? /


22. Bird watcher?nah, not for me


23. Are you a morning person or a night person? depends what mood I am in and how sleepy I feel


24. Do you have any pets? Nope


25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? nope....


26. What did you want to be when you were little? a writer


27. What is your best childhood memory? I have many, but none specific.


28. Are you a cat or dog person?cat


29. Are you married?no


30. Always wear your seat belt? in theory, yes


31. Been in a car accident? yes, I have been in a car that hit another car, and I have been run over by a car


32. Any pet peeves? ugh, yes


33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? hawaiian


34. Favorite Flower?orchids


35. Favorite ice cream? ben and jerry's phish food


36. Favorite fast food restaurant? none


37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? 0 :D


38. From whom did you get your last email? Kurt Geiger


39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Whole Foods Market


40. Do anything spontaneous lately? not really no


41. Like your job?i'm a student


42. Broccoli?yup, it's a superfood


43. What was your favorite vacation? Milan 2009


44. Last person you went out to dinner with? P


45. What are you listening to right now? traffic outside (it's 11.08 at night but it's still busy)


46. What is your favorite color?pink...


47. How many tattoos do you have?NONE


48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? /


49. What time did you finish this quiz? 11.08
50. Coffee drinker? not really, no thanks

last year I...

1. Did something you said you would never do.
2. Paid for someone who said they would pay you back but never did. [this happens a lot, but doesn't really bother me that much]
3. Lied about where you were.
4. Discovered a new musician. [yes!  Lenka; "sheselle" on youtube]

5. Made something for a friend. [probably some origami type thing]

6. Got a new phone. [yush, my sony ericsson w995]
7. Got a new iPod/Zune/Mp3 player.
8. Watched three or more episodes of Saturday Night Live.

9. Made fun of someone. [happens a lot, tbh]

10. Created a tumblr.
11. Flew on a plane for the first time.

12. Spoke in front of 15 people or more. [hospital, poster presentation, grand round... eh, it happens a lot]

13. Met someone in real life that you originally met online.
14. Done something illegal.
15. Did your siblings chores for money.

16. Stayed up all night thinking about the worst thing that could possibly happen to later find out that you worried for nothing. [this happens often too!]

17. Hurt somebody you didn’t mean to hurt.
18. Hugged your mom or dad.

19. Baked a cake.

20. Made a new friend.
21. Lost an old friend.
22. Changed your views on society.
23. Laughed at something that wasn’t funny. [but i am easily amused]

24. Got upset over something that wasn’t a big deal.

25. Had a horrible birthday. (the actual day)
26. Got a facebook.
27. Deleted your myspace.
28. Cried because you missed old times.

29. Cleaned your room. [gotta do it often, yo]
30. Have a new found appreciation for someone you never expected to.
31. Told someone you love them.

32. Told someone you hate them.

33. Screwed something up but didn’t mean to.
34. Received a gift.
35. Gave a gift.
36. Read a book that wasn’t for school. [yup, but it was pretty thin on the ground... still don't have that much time to read for myself]]

37. Ate a lollipop.
38. Threw away something by accident.
39. Smoked a cigarette.
40. Ran a mile.
41. Switched schools.

42. Aced a test. [online webct... #1... yes :D was kinda funny, cos I was like, hey that's the top score... hey, that's the same as what I got.  It didn't occur to me that I had the top score for at least a minute... yeah, I'm slow]

43. Wished you were in the past.

44. Got scared about the future.

45. Got yelled at by your parents.
46. Lost a family member.

47. Saw an old friend.

48. Went to church/synagogue.

49. Hugged a stuffed animal.

50. Said you’re going to make next year better.

thanks for the memories...

People have often said that I remember lots of things... as in, memory wise.  I don't do it consciously, but I know I connect memories with things and people, songs and places, books and objects.  I don't remember when that moment is when you and someone become friends... it sort of happened by osmosis for me a lot of the times.  But if you ask me, I would probably remember when we first met.  So these are my memories of my best friends (university), and my favorite pictures of me with them.


I would say that my very best friend is the boy I am going out with: in my first year at university, I found it very hard to keep in touch with a lot of people I had met, but we always stayed in touch and had such fun conversations when we did talk.  We probably only spoke about 10-20 times over the whole year, and yet I always considered him one of my best friends.  The first time I met P was in the common room, in halls.  It was a Thursday, during Freshers week, and there were cocktails being made up.  That was when I first discovered Blue Curacao: I loooove it.  One of my most favourite memories of P is being in the Brook Green Hotel, where one of the staff (from abroad someplace) asked if he was on a diet, and I said yes, he doesn't eat wheat, but she was actually saying "date".

L: Captain Picard & Sailor Mars.... R: at the Royal Albert Hall

My best female friend is I, because I love her lots.  She has been very supportive and we have a similar work ethic, and similar tastes in music and books.  I don't remember the day when we met though, although I know it was very very early on in first year.  She was part of the so-called "commuters club", people who lived at home and had a long way to travel to get into uni, and so was one of the first ones there.  We have always been friends, even though I didn't talk to her that much early on in first year, and third year made it difficult to see people.  One of the best memories I have of I is pretty much our second year :)

Pizza Express: Fulham Broadway.  She's on the right

My best guy friends I all met in first year.  We used to have tutorials for PBL and PCC and the other thing, and I had a PBL session in the library, although I didn't know where the room was.  It was my first session and I was there a little early so I went to the concourse to see if there was anyone I could ask.  A was there, listening to some music very loud, (Buddha Bar) and he told me he had PCC.  A has been a very good friend to me, and whilst I might complain about certain aspects of his personality, (haha) I know he is a good person and that he would do anything for people he cares for.  Hm... a memory.  One of my most favourite memories of A was Rag Week in first year, when we did Circle Line :)

Sofra, Covent Garden, 2008

There was a CD of notes going around first year, probably due to me, as I went to a social once, and someone gave me a CD of notes for the first two years.  I was in a lecture, and I was going to give the CD to someone to copy, but she had a tutorial to go to.  M then said he would copy it, as he had free time after the lecture with nothing scheduled for an hour or something.  Again, M has been a very good friend to me, particularly during the end of first year, and I hope I have been as understanding and patient when he was going through emotional troubles.  My favorite memory of M... his online affair.  :D  Totally hilarious.

R's couch, 2008

In the summer term of first year, about a month before exams, we had this random Respiratory Science lecture, about respiratory alkalosis/acidosis and its metabolic equivalents.  We then had this problem sheet, so a group of us went to a tutorial room to work it out.  The first time I met R, we argued over metabolic acidosis/respiratory acidosis +/- compensation, because we each thought we were right, although I think we both got it wrong in the end.  I wasn't ever close to R in first or second year much.  We were only friends in that we had mutual friends, and I didn't think we were close enough for me to give him a Christmas present in 2nd year (the only time I've done it) (sorry R!) I looked at my dream tag, and he seems to have featured in several.. because we talk a lot and I consider him to be one of my best friends now.  He's very intelligent.  My favourite memory of R.... Probably gossip sinking/sharing at the corner after Podmedics/MedEd :)

Queens Lawn, summer 2008

I first met A in third year, outside a lecture theatre in H, which has since been knocked down.  We had a feedback lecture, and she was there waiting outside, as the door was locked.  I didn't really speak to her very much at all, and it's only been during Repro that we've become good friends.  I really like her: she is incredibly reliable and patient and can hold her own.  I really admire her :)  The best memory I have of A was the last day of term before Christmas (2009) when we were in the lecture theatre at lunch, (there were a few of us) chatting and laughing and trying to watch movie trailers on the computer.

I'm in the middle; she's on my left (Christmas 2009)

And my last best friend.  I first met D... I don't actually know... first year.  We used to talk on MSN, because I emailed about 100 people asking them if they wanted the CD notes, and he replied, and we talked on MSN.  I consider D one of my very good friends, even though our friendship is on pause a lot of the time, due to various schedule conflicts, but it's still there, just the same as it ever was.  And my favourite memory... "say owt mancunian-like?!"

 Sofra, 2008

Bet I can remember when I met most of my friends :D




ALL THESE IMAGES ARE MY OWN; PLEASE DON'T USE WITHOUT CREDITING ME

i want my money back, just enjoy the show

I am most definitely not "one of the boys".

Doing Repro meant that I spent a lot of this past year with girls, and we formed a quite tightknit group (some of us anyway).  People still group together, even when there are new people introduced into the same class.  And so it became natural talk to discuss celebrities' outfits or gossip, because they'd be more likely to have an opinion or know something about it.  It gave me an outlet to complain about things that they would understand and be sympathetic towards.  But now I have some very good friends and have restrengthened friendships.  Lots of people seemed to hate their BSc's.  I thoroughly enjoyed mine.  However much I complained about Repro, I did love it.

And now hanging out with two of my closest friends, both of whom are male, feels different.  They talk about computer games and consoles, and.... boy things.  It makes me more aware that they definitely do not see me as one of the guys, and I wouldn't want to be seen that way.  Maybe it's just because they've not seen each other for most of the year, and so have strategy recounts to tell each other, or that some new console games have come out....

I can quite happily live life without ever having a console.  Yes I used to play Call of Duty like, once a month, but almost a year ago.  I wouldn't rush to go play it.  I never pretended to be any good.  To be honest, I spent most of the time looking at the tables and chairs in the rundown houses and shops.  And I only express a want to go and play it so that I can do this again, look at the tables and chairs and shops and trees, in the context of spending time with my friends.  Playing it seems to be a very solitary thing, when you play alone, even when playing with other people via the internet.  I'd much rather spend time with my friends in real life, rather than online.

Separately, the friendships are still the same.  But collectively, it feels... different somehow.  In a way that I can't explain.  I don't get these Call of Duty references, and I don't understand or care for battle plans or who killed who when and how and why at this time in this way without this thing or with this thing and they got this score or this medal or this.... whatever.  I just don't care.

But maybe it's my intolerance and impatience with computer games.  I mean, once I was in Giraffe, and there were three people on the table behind me.  There was one guy, and two girls.  Throughout the whole of my stay in Giraffe, the two girls talked and talked and talked and talked, and ignored the guy.  Is that what I am becoming???  But how understanding can I get when I have no interest or have nothing to contribute to the discussion other than "you should get a girlfriend!"  And forget this, "find me a girlfriend, then" return.  Go and find one yourself.  Significant others do not grow on trees.

But this is what they enjoy, and they have every right to talk to each other about it.  I guess I just don't like it when it dominates the conversation and then it becomes the fallback for a conversation topic.  The sink for all my complaining, gossip and ranting has told me several times that I should stop hanging out with them and get new friends.  (to be fair though, it was after a lot of complaining, and he tolerated it well)  But they're my friends.  I couldn't do that to them.

I can't work out what has precipitated the change, either in myself or in my friendship.  I was never one for calling others out when they are making me upset or annoy me; I think that in order to improve oneself as a person, it's really important to understand the effect you have on others, without them having to tell you.  And whilst I might actually do it too, in that I might ignore one person in the group conversation in order to talk to another about something they have a very limited knowledge of, I would like to think I did it without knowing.  So I would like to apologise if you've ever felt I've done that to you.  I'm not going to make an excuse, I'd just like to say sorry.

Every week, I have two sets of OSCE tutoring, and both are with close friends of mine.  I am so glad I get to see at least one repro girl a week.  Otherwise I'd probably go mad from too much boy time.  I need girl time too.  And I have come to value it much more, because at least then the conversation is equally dominant between all people.

found via google images

do you remember back then when we met

History of medicine-wise it has been a very interesting week, mostly because of the focus on the specialities.  In particular, the varying attitudes to psychiatry and people considered "insane", and the role of women in Victorian society.  One thing that really got me was how little they used to think of women back then, and how much and how little has changed since then.  It sickens me slightly to think that men thought that women's finite energy resources were mostly used up by menstruation and reproductive function, so that little remained for intellectual thought, and women were discouraged from developing their minds and using their brains, for fear of exhaustion or inducing oligo/amenorrhoea.  I suppose I live in a very tolerant society, accepting that women can enter most roles in society now.  The gender pay gap is 16-55% difference, depending where you look, and yet people never realise it.


Doctors used to believe that girls were claiming anorexia nervosa for attention, and they found it hard to reconcile their professional and personal beliefs.  And also the issue of gynaecology... how it was seen as a whole speciality with much to delve into, because women's temperament and disease was thought to be due to dysfunction of the reproductive system.


I don't want to write about feminism, or anti-feminism.  That's not my thing.  But I really admire men who enter the field of obstetrics and gynaecology.  The ones I have thusfar come across have been nothing but professional, whether there is a patient present or not, and they earn my lasting gratitude, with my asking silly questions and letting me see them section or examine patients, or indeed, letting me examine patients myself.  Whilst there are male dominant specialities, like surgery (because only men used to be allowed to study medicine and surgery), I like that there is a breakdown of this previous thought, and more women can become surgeons, and more men can become obstetricians and gynaecologists (I pick this speciality as it has been long associated with female doctors).


And as to the issue of whether or not women and men are complimentary to each other... well, I personally believe that in a couple, this can be true.  It is certainly true in mine.  And whilst women fight so hard for our rights and to be treated totally equally, I once had a discussion with my boyfriend about this... I can't remember all the details but I do remember thinking how lucky I was to be studying medicine, a topic in which he does not have the upper hand.


I feel... not stupid, but just very lacking in knowledge when we talk about topics like politics and economics and philosophy and history.  Without wanting to show off how knowledgeable he is, I'd say he has the best grasp of history, both ancient, medieval and contemporary, of anybody I know.  And that is saying something, seeing people discuss in the history of medicine course.  I wish I was more intelligent, and yet I know I wouldn't be happy with someone who could never teach me more about the world and about the history and future of it.


Anyway, so we had a reading about women in the sick role and women in the nervous role (Elaine Showalter) and it made me really angry to read it.  Obviously I can look back with retrospect, but I know those attitudes described in her chapter would not be accepted today.  I don't feel like men truly understand what women endure.  Simple things like period pain is something I cannot find a parallel for in normal male physiology.  It really hurts sometimes and it lasts several days, and women have been scorned for a long time for being dirty because of menstruation.  There has been a long discussion about female labour, and men receiving testicular trauma.  I know neither can experience the other, but I really believe that women have a harder time.


An issue that came up was gender reversal and sex.  I have always known that gender is something that society assigns (makes sense, right?) and the majority of people do conform to the expectations of their sex.  But having homosexuals does not been there has been a societal breakdown.  I do not think badly of gay men or lesbian women.  I know that people have their own desires, and they have freedom of thought and wants.  I wouldn't be uncomfortable with two men kissing in my presence, or two women kissing in my presence, although the latter is something that a lot of men I know find weirdly a turn on.  I accept that people choose to be this way, and that it is not wrong in the slightest.  And I find it discriminatory that people judge against them, just by their being who they are.


I am not sure what the point of this post is, but it's time for bed now...


xo

google images

you won't be lonely

Had one of the best weekends ever.  It might be silly, but P and I celebrate, or at least recognise, every month we have been together; on Saturday, it was 29 months.  It was lovely to do something, particularly as for the next 6 or 7 months, we won't see each other.  We both used to live in student halls.  It is very lovely there, although it was mostly in development when we were there.  We walked back there, and had lunch in a gastro-pub just off the King's Road, called Lots Road Pub.  It was one of the best meals I have had in a pub :)


R and I are always saying we should go to places for lunch/dinner; this should be one of them.  I can't believe how much of Imperial Wharf has changed.


I joined the Kensington library (finally) and got some chicklit books out, the intellectual books I wanted to get out were already taken out. (1984 and Fatherland) So we went home and read.  I slept lots and lots over the weekend, and watched Friends.  I'm on the penultimate episode now... almost there.  Then we went for dinner at the house of one of P's friends; he lives in Parson's Green, and we watched Canada finally beat America in the ice hockey Winter Olympics final... it was such a good game :)


Spring looks like it is finally here :)  Time to get the summery clothes out!! (although, the majority of my wardrobe is summery, and it becomes winter-wearable by the addition of jumper.


I loooove this song so much.  I worked out how to convert videos from youtube to mp3 songs, so I did it for this, now I play it lots and lots.  It's a cover version of a song by Jay Sean, which I don't think is as good.  But check this version out:



















































And lastly, I think the NaBloPoMo people are checking my blog.  I wanted to say I give up on March.  I've not been able to post everyday, and I know that we're meant to!  I'll do it in April!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!