what makes someone special?

Yes, my, um, actions worked!!!! In a previous post, in reference to the he said we said you said i said he said she said etc etc, my actions were not wrong, I am proud to say. I KNEW I don't do meddling. But I'm glad everything seems to be working out. Sometimes you need to hear the truth, in order to hurt, so that you heal. You know, being cruel to be kind. Oh, I'm ever so glad everything's working out! It's sad when my friends hurt, and I'm glad one of my friends has figured out (or has given semblance of doing so) what to do now, without my emotional maturity angle.


Apparently it makes me sound condescending. I didn't mean it in that way. I don't mean to say I am better than anyone, because I've had emotional experiences a lot of people haven't. I just happen to think that emotional maturity is something that not everyone gains, and it's very important. And in order for me to let my friends try and do so, I have to not influence them too much. It makes me feel like I'm parenting.


Though I think I feel this way because I sympathise more, and can empathise better with a situation that I have been in, or one similar to it. Dans ce cas, Friend A: it's a bit sad how we turned out, but I don't regret anything, and as more and more time goes by, it gets easier to understand why things happen. Hindsight gives you clarity of mind. Friend B told me once that he realised that he thought that he could have been a better friend to me when I confided in them, but I am glad that I did, and that I got some good advice. So I am truly thankful that I have lovely friends, even if we aren't that close, and that they can comfort me in times of need. So I am glad I had someone to turn to, even though I thought it wouldn't really work.


I wish I had a girlfriend with whom I could share everything and gossip about girls' clothes and their hair and bitch about things and say, oh he's quite hot, and trivial things like that. I wish I had someone to help me decide what to wear, and what to do in ome situations, or someone I could share girly things with. I am quite an open person sometimes, but some things aren't really shareable. Some things get me down or make me upset or make me stressed, and I wish I had someone relatively impartial with which to share this stuff with.


The more and more I think about it, the more I see this as a way of expressing how I feel, and it's open to interpretation. I wish I was more eloquent and could use fancy words and not make it look odd. I didn't think anyone used to read my blog, but everal people do now, on occasion. If you wish to, you can Google Reader my blog somehow: I'm not sure how that works. You can also follow my blog: because my template is html and I pretty much wrote most of it, you can't click a "follow" button, but if you have a google account, you can Google Read it, or bookmark this, or "add" if you have a blog yourself. I need codenames for people, but I'd never be able to think of any. My friends remind me of different things, and sometimes they don't make sense. I am not angling for comments as people rarely comment on my blog: maybe it's 'cause I chat a lot of rubbish :( and I am not angling for heavy traffic.


I like this Friend A, B, C thing though. It's getting harder to guess who it is, isn't it? I know it is. I like the summary thing as well. So if you can't be bothered to read all of it, you can just read the friend summary. It's not gossip, merely, the way I feel about some things about some people and need some place to express it, rather than offloading onto P. To the extent that he might feel like he knows my friends as well as I do.


I think another of my friends (C) needs to realise that there is more to gain from life than a blinkered view of what we really are. There's so much more than you realise, so much more than you've got already and maybe you don't even know it. There's also so much said about you than you know, but whatever. What we really are is something I think you have thought about but is something you aren't willing to try.


Another of my friends (D) , I guess I would call them a friend now. C'est plus d'une connaissance, mais pas qu'un ami cher. Anyway. They need to... also realise that there's a lot more to pidgeon holed facets and to doing what's expected. I suppose I admire them and pity them at the same time.


I also think my friend (E) sees me on an odd axis, and is someone who wouldn't really be my friend if it weren't for certain things. It upsets me a bit to think of this friend in this way, and it pains me to have to admit it, because I always thought we were better than that. I know one of my friends here used to like me in a more than a friend way, but backed off and stopped feeling that way because... well, I don't want to tell you.


So.. Friend A: thanks for the lesson. Friend B: thanks for listening. Friend C: take off the rosy sunglasses. Friend D: don't be pidgeon holed so soon. It's going to have bad consequences. Friend E: :(
I've also realised I've spoken about the same person twice.


So now I've gotten that out of the way, I can tell you about how I was lying on the Queen's Lawn with M and R, talking and lying in the sun: it was really nice, then we went to Hyde Park later on, and I got tanned cheeks :)


I can tell you about the penguin patient, who is really confused about everything, but is very calm and a bit dazed. I tried to take blood from him twice, but failed :( because he kept talking and gesturing and also was confused. Am a bit surprised he's still here actually.


Also. I am really looking forward to going home. The weather being sunny and warm and bright reminds me of being home. And even though I say that just going home to see the place and seeing my parents is enough, and I often get bored at home, I do miss it :( This is the longest I have been without seeing my family, and I only talk to them for, like, 20 minutes a week because we're always missing each other on the phone or just plain busy.

all the street lights shine like they were stars,
that's where you are...
I have to find a way to show you I care...