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| in that lonely time, you told me to be stronger (dA: curioso) |
So I'm up doing some stuff at the moment, various bits and pieces, so it occurred to me that I hadn't written here for ages. Thank you to all those people who keep checking back constantly to see if there's a new post! I just felt that after posting every day in April, I'd lost my blogging ability. It got hard for a while trying to decide what to blog about... seriously, my life is not that exciting, or interesting. So I thought I'd take a break, pursue other writing interests and also use that time to focus on my uni work. But it's late, I'm not working right now, I thought I'd take a few minutes to write here!
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
Life's been a bit strange for me recently. I've faced the fact that I will be without my boy for a while, as he travels the world in search of himself, in search of answers for the future. He's been surveying hills, paragliding next to eagles, manning the internet shop in Bir, getting bitten by insects... I wish he kept a travel blog, so I'd know what he's been up to. Largely, he has been reticent over his fun times in India, but I suspect this might be because he's writing it down, and he'll be able to tell me hours-worth of stories when he returns. It makes me happy to read his emails, small comfort that they are.
I love hearing other people's experiences, I love learning new things about my friends, and I love that they can learn more about themselves. I know I could never leave my life behind for 6 months, for the greater good. I'm too selfish to do that, and so I admire his strength. I won't pretend I find it easy that he's away. Sometimes I need a shoulder to have a serious cry on, or a big hug, or just.. someone to talk to (I've been more reticent recently I feel. I feel like I'm changing: I want to become a better person in these next few months. I'm becoming less materialistic: I am making the most of what I have, which is why I've been wearing clothes that I've not worn for a few months or for a year or two (they're still clean. The place I get them done at is awesome). I'm becoming more aware of my effect on the environment, and learning (albeit slowly) about politics and the environment. I've been writing more and more - here and on paper.... Is this what growing up is like? When you realise that things are different and it happened without you noticing?
In terms of uni, I've been pretty busy, but happy. I finish soon, and I am going home next Saturday. I can't wait, because I really need to see my family. My time at home is becoming shorter and shorter, and I need to see for myself that my parents are okay. Sometimes it makes me upset when I think about just how much my parents have sacrificed for me to have my education. Small things are making me upset. Without someone to share everything with, I feel like all my emotion gets pent up, and it gets too much for me sometimes. But I've been finding it hard to articulate out loud how I feel (this is an extension of "out loud")... that's another reason why I've not written here for a little while. My mood has been fluctuating a lot recently and I've not known what to do to make it okay. This has frustrated me, as I didn't want to publish a shabby post which had no meaning at all.
My summer is significantly shorter than it has been for a long long long time. At primary school, we had 6 weeks of summer holiday. When I left after year 4 finished, my new summer holidays were much longer. At university, they were just crazily long. But now it's shorter again, and I hope to get lots done. There are so many books I want to read - I've been putting off reading some for months and months now... there are so many people I want to see while I'm home, there's a lot I need and want to do. But I'm excited for the next year to begin.
Usually, I don't follow fashion. A lot of the things in the shops don't suit me - I usually hate shopping for clothes/shoes. But I've been floating around in a maxi dress which has substituted as my nightdress for about a week now. For the most part, I wear a lot of the same clothes.... maybe the same.... month or two month's worth? But I've been finding older clothes that I own, to mix it up.
I also had the weirdest dream this morning, almost like a nightmare, about a battle between the Greeks and the Romans. It scared me into waking up :/
I've also become a serious geek for the environment. Most aspects of life are underpinned by the environment. That's probably all I'll say on the matter here.... Also, my whole weight issue has moved forward. I looked in the mirror about a month ago and realised I look a little skeletal. When I lie down, my hip bones jut out at some weird-looking angle. It feels weird. Not much progress but.... small baby steps..
Yeah, life's not been wildly noteworthy... but I will try and write some more. I have ideas that aren't that much formulated for other posts, so watch this space!!
The title, picture and quote in this post was what I was going to originally post, to reflect my feeling lonely, but I've kinda snapped out of the emo-ness and expanded it to include all of this! Enjoy! And comment! xo
but words are only words,
can you show me something else?
can you swear to me that you'll always be this way,
show me how you feel, more than ever
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