I've properly completed 4 years of medical school! Viva emails were sent last week, and today I guess. I escaped the fate of a viva, which is good as there is lots of stuff going on which requires me to be at home. Although, I have no idea where my holiday has gone. It's been almost 4 weeks.. :/
I can't remember when or what I last wrote... thankyou to all those well wishers who've sent me messages :) It's been a very draining couple of days. I really need a day where I just crash out and sleep all day... sometimes I just need a duvet day, where I stay in my pyjamas all day and read or use my computer whilst sat in bed. I don't actually do much work in bed, as I have to prop my laptop onto a pillow, thus I have to move all my pillows around (I hate touching the walls, as they're always cold) but sometimes I like watching films or TV shows or reading or indeed sleeping lots.
Basically, my mum has really bad trigeminal neuralgia, and without going too much into detail, basically her pain was relentless, so she was offered a neurosurgical procedure, called microvascular decompression, which she had on Tuesday. It basically involved a piece of skull being removed near the cerebellum, to access the trigeminal nerve and the vessels around it. She was in hospital for 3 days, and came out on Friday, thankfully. It was heartbreaking seeing her immediately after surgery as she was in so much pain but now she is neuralgia-pain free. She's had it for 6 or 7 years... I admire her strength with coping with such horrific pain for so long.
Not been up to exciting things. Back in London soon, just in time for The Elephant Parade. There were plans to go to Wireless, but now loads of people can't go, I'm not entirely sure I will go.. I haven't the pennies, particularly as my NHS Bursary situation isn't finalised: I'm not sure how much I will get... I really need that NHS money though.. I don't think my parents can support me financially fully during year 5, and the student loan amount is reduced, but that all goes straight to my loan. Although I do not eat much, I still require some nourishment.
I really need to tidy up my flat, and probably will redecorate it.
I have also gotten really into Supersize vs Superskinny or whatever it's called. It allows me to vent my frustrations about weight and it also entertains me. It doesn't make me reconsider the food I am eating though.. is it meant to? I eat really slow :( Every evening at dinner, I always seem to be the last one left at the table, despite the fact I am 90% sure I am eating the least food. And it's not like I am talking that much.. well.. maybe. Maybe I talk too much.
I think food doesn't mean as much to me as it does to other people. Yes it sometimes tastes good, but I never understand the fascination with trying to cook wonderfully weird meals or meals with many flavours... maybe I'm just too used to Chinese cuisine. I mean... I used to eat bread without filling/etc, I eat plain pasta.. plain cous cous... I mean, why would I go to so much effort to make food taste super extra good, when at the end of the day, I'm the one who is going to have to eat it? It's just food. Why should I spend crazy amounts of money on food, when I can get by on a low food budget? I can use that money better in another way.
This reminds me of one time how I wrote to Sainsbury's, complaining profusely of their lack of healthy cereal/breakfast food options. I must have written 3 A4 pages of text. It made me so angry how I had to spend lots of money to buy something for my breakfast (which I might add is the most important meal of the day - I eat it at home, I should probably eat breakfast at university too) just so that I could be free of processed sugar. I can never properly explain why I shouldn't eat processed sugar - people think I'm stupid or crazy or think that everything in moderation is good. I don't want to become a perpetual victim to a food poison that leads to bad health consequences. So anyway, I wrote lots and lots about how I felt that Sainsbury's was supporting the obesity epidemic - don't even get me started - by making sugary cereals the cheapest, and that in the current economic climate, the best thing to do was to cut prices for healthy food, which would lead to people eating better and therefore not using NHS resources as often as they would not be obese or would be less obese. I felt that it was my duty as a potential doctor to speak up and say something, and for my efforts, I just got a "we will pass on your comments to our food technologists" letter. Hmph.
I dislike how humans, as a race, always feel the need to find out more about our origins. When I say this, I mean space. It does fascinate me somewhat, and it half excites and half terrifies me at the same time knowing that we are all insignificant in the grand scheme of things, and that space is bigger than we can imagine. It also begs the question of other universes and string theory etc etc. But I'm not so sure I would feel the need, if I controlled NASA's budget, to go looking at other planets and stars, when there is need closer to home, concerning poverty and the environment and the economy and sustainability. Maybe I'd slash the budget significantly more than it has ever been, and use those resources better somewhere else.
It worries me that people do not care enough to make a difference, or to make a change in their lives. People are very reluctant to make modifications to their lifestyle, when there is no external factor that requires them to do so. But the way we live is just too much. Why can't people see that it's not just about having the newest clothes or shoes, or the best car, or a new games console.. How are these resources made? By exploiting the poor and using valuable resources. The world seems to be in a very precarious state and it really bothers me.
But what can I alone do? I talk about it a lot with my boyfriend - thankfully his future life plans involve me, and he makes me think. He pushes me to think about things I don't feel comfortable thinking about, or things I don't know much about. I worry for the future, possibly too much :/
5th year starts with Pathology.. there are many many lectures :/ But it will be lovely to see everyone again. Sorry for the huge lack of writing here: I've had inspiration elsewhere, and I'm trying to concentrate on my other blog at the moment.
xo
Carol
PS. Shout out to Tabzydolly - congratulations on your uni offer =D
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